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With a 2 year old and a 5 year old, a job to get to, and a husband who travels just about every week for nights, I often find myself going it alone. Not only does being the only caregiver for the children for days on end leave you exhausted, but being trapped inside a house with two sleeping children at night and no adult contact is just plain lonely. I used to cringe at the thought of my husband being gone for even a night, but I have unwittingly become a pro at dealing with short-term single motherhood.
Here are some of the things I do to help me get through the day without my husband around. Being left at home by a travelling spouse can be a major drag. Treating yourself well and learning a few tricks to getting you and your kids through the day is an important step. With a little planning and effort, surviving the day and week without your spouse can be done, especially when a give-mom-a-massage-when-you-get-home is on the calendar!
Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites. That's the hardest part is feeling alone.
As long as you and your spouse have strong conection your child will too. What is what we make at. If we act like our children are missing something they will be.
We give them the best I can and make sure that they have the best father when he is here. We recently bought a house n my husband has only been here on weekends. It's hard to make it a home wo him but it's possible.
Make sure his stuff is around and talk about how much loves the kids. Its day by day and keeping communication open. It's not easy but if you have a a true relationship with somebody that loves you as much as you love them it is doable he is out providing at home for the family I will always be here standing by his side.
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I have a wife that travels 2to 3 times a year. And the longest she will be away is 4 to 5 nights. I once asked if we could make a weekend of it, we have kids, but she said no. Saying it would be pointless coz she would be tired at night, which would be the only time id get ti see her. It really gave ne feelings of being unwanted and surely not good enough to be with her.
How do i deal with that. That's rough to have such limited opportunities to communicate. They really do help to make the kids feel connected. I have a 2 year old and another child on the way. I also work full time. My husband is going somewhere we won't be able to communicate except once through e-mail each night. I was feeling a little overwhelmed until I read this article. We're already doing a lot of the things suggested. Before he left, my husband made a bunch of cute videos for my daughter that I can show her on the tab.
We also have a special one I can show her on the TV while I'm getting dinner ready. What a cute guy! Thanks for stopping by. I'm glad you found this hub useful. You certainly have your hands full! I have a 4. We also live about 1. I agree with everything you said, and think you have touched on all important areas!!
Great hub, and good to know I am not alone. Yes, it is very important to help make sure the kids know the travelling spouse is still there for them. My kids love getting messages from dad while he's on the road.
Its is indeed true Laura!!! Its all about how you manage circumstances when your spouse is out of place. You have to keep nurturing your kids in a way that their bond for the other parent remains the way it should be Loved the tips for helping oneself out of the trauma.. I imagine there are struggles even when the children are out of the house. I guess I have about 15 years to adapt to that one. You covered everything important in this subject. I really enjoyed this. My husband travels every week, but we don't have children at home anymore, so it's pretty easy most the time for me.
I don't think I could have done it when I had children at home. Voting up and useful. Good luck to your niece. It definitely gets easier over time as you figure out what rituals work. I'm sure even without kids it is very challenging, though in a different way.
I will share this with my niece, her husband goes to boot camp late July and then on to his first tour of duty. They just got married on April 13th No kids yet but one day: Thanks for the perspective of the travelling spouse! It can't be easy being away from the family so much and having to relinquish more parenting control to the one who stays behind. Hey Laura - nice article! As the mom traveller in a travelling family a big issue for me was letting go and letting my husband do things in his own way - offering advice only when asked, holding guild and worry at bay - that's hard stuff!
Thanks for the tip! Teaming up with other moms is a great idea and something I do often. I just need to develop an app for this. There are way too many times when I bemoan my single motherhood only to get the reply, "Yeah John was gone all last week! Laura, a traveling spouse is hard at any age for your kids If you have friends with traveling husbands I found it fun to team up to make dinners You will feel better and eat healthier.
Tuesday nights my house, Thursday nights another house So, use the tip while you can! Crystal, thanks for reading and for the vote of confidence. Hopefully my tips for coping can help others in a similar situation! Great idea for a hub, and clearly, you're an expert.
I'm not married, so I can't relate, but it seems like you're finding ways to cope with a very difficult circumstance. This is excellent advice for those in similar situations. Is that in the DSM-4? I use to travel a little in my last job and know it was hard on my wife.
The longest I was ever gone at one time was three days. I was gone a lot of weekends when my mother was ill, so my sister could have a break--so both my wife and I were exhausted. Your suggestions are good and should be followed by people with the traveling spouse syndrome. Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners.
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The kids wake up hungry and needy and getting everyone out the door can feel like trying to escape an imminent hurricane. I learned early on that, as painful as it seems to wake up before my children, doing so enabled me to peacefully get myself ready before the onslaught of the day.
Even 20 minutes allows me to quickly shower, get dressed, and eat a little something in peace before the barrage.
And the boys don't seem to care. I'll have to have some words with them about responsibility and obviously, the Internet is gone for a while. It does seem to happen to everybody at some time though. Edit - wow, this post took off! I'm working with the boys. They do seem genuinely repentant now. They've lost their games and Internet for a while and they're not complaining about it and I think they'll learn this lesson.
Parenting is a never ending job filled with frustrating moments between moments of joy. They will replace the chickens and we'll have a whole new flock. Thanks for all the advice and kind words everyone. Living things died due to their negligence. I enjoy some Fortnite, but holy crap. Have some words as in you stop paying for their entertainment I hope.
I'd lock down all internet and gaming activities until they made this right. Our chickens have a large enclosed run and automatic coop door, so watching them is mostly a matter of making sure their water and food stay full. I'd have them raise 11 chicks like their own children until Fortnite returned to the house.
A few weeks of screen detox will likely cause more problems as we all know it's the same brain chemical as heroine; dopamine but maybe your heart will mend during the growth of your kids and new chicks.
I lost my small flock of six a few years ago to my own negligence. I also lost a flock to my own negligence. I thought i closed the coop. I was distracted with 1 run away chicken running around and trying to get her back in the coop.
So i went to take care horses; then went back to the house totally forgetting the coop because i normally closed it before i took care of the horses so my routine was out of order. Lost all 6 hens. They were GOOD hens. Came when called except for Dory - you might be able to guess why her name was Dory if i you ever watched Finding Nemo. Damn, Im a 22 year old guy who was responsible for our chickens through my teenage years as well.
I messed up one night early, and the guilt drove me crazy until i moved out. I cant imagine allowing it to happen 2 nights in a row and not caring about such a huge loss that was entirely their fault. I'd be furious, and definitely taking away the game console, as well as making them pay for losses, either with cash or with a sizeable increase in chores. I know a lot of people don't care about chickens.
But to me, they're more than just birds, they're pets. Hope those two learn. Could have them close up the coop a few nights as part of the punishment. Of course take a quick peek at the coop after just to be sure. I wouldn't risk anymore incidents. Make sure they understand the gravity of their actions. If you punish them without them understanding why it was so important, the punishment might not stick. They are 16 and If they are not capable of understanding they caused the deaths of other living creatures, op has bigger issues.
Those kids are basically adults and the fact they showed no remorse until their video games were taken away is seriously troubling. Ensuring the temps stay right, they are fed, no plugged vents, keeping the water free of scum, changing bedding..
I only seem to lose chickens when someone is house sitting. I know there are foxes in my area, I see them and they see me.. I hate traveling now. I am so sorry for your loss Accidents are accidents but neglect is another thing Honestly I would probably throw all their crap in the backyard, give em a tent and make them live outside for a week- have them actively guard the remaining chickens.
Maybe that would get through.. Sorry for your loss. I would hide their power cord from the game system until they prove that they are responsible enough to get it back.
I would go to the breaker box and trip the circuit at random for the next year. Letting them gnash their teeth over a lost fortnite match might be the only tangible way to convey the feeling of loss to them. I wouldn't hide it. Though I would probably rig it so that turning it on while it's off limits might "let the smoke out. I know what it would take to fry almost anything and let the magic smoke out, but I guarantee most of the people on here don't, and those of us that do see it as an incredibly stupid idea unless you also wanna teach them a lesson about being homeless.
Anyone who boobytraps electronics in their own home because of a casual mention online is in for a bad time. I mean my first thought was rigging up something to puff smoke when the unit draws power I think a better strategy would be to get a broken system that doesn't work at all and hook it up.
Let them try to play and realize the thing is broken but be stuck with the conundrum of not being able to freak out about it without revealing they were playing when they weren't supposed to. If I did this I would have been grounded for months, and I'd have deserved it. Be fair, but be tough. Sixteen and Eighteen is old enough to have a job. They can pay for the damages out of their own pockets.
Fortnite accounts deleted and WiFi passwords changed until further notice. Until then they can learn empathy while working. At this point in time there is no way to delete an Epic Games account. If you can figure out the password to each account you might be able to sell it second hand, but the prospect of your kids' personal information falling into the wrong hands is a reality. No reason for you to lose 11 of your friends and clean up their remains too. Seeing the coop and all the blood should give them more of a tug than a regular punishment.
Combining them may work even better. Then they are on feeding and cleaning duty until they move out. I learned a lot about life shoveling shit. After hours of doing that it turned meditative and enlightening.
Taking the games away won't do anything, they both need to pay for the new chicks, and raise them. Its the only thing that could teach them to be responsible and to respect that chickens are living creatures. My kids would be limited to books only for entertainment if they messed up that bad.. I might feel tempted to kick the 18 year old out.
That punishment is like something you'd do to a child. Granted, they're acting like it, but you can go one better. Maybe ask them what they intend to do about it, and agree once they actually thinking like grown ups. I hope you made them clean it all up then replace with chicks that they will be raising until mature. Especially the 18 year old, time to kick it into high gear or life will be rough.
The video game addiction problem we have now is no laughing matter and can have serious consequences in the real world. I would be more worried about that. Sorry you lost your feather babies! I grew up with a sibling that didn't give a damn how their loved ones felt. Straight up told mom "F you! It took until about age 24 for them to feel remorse and snap out of it. Some young people are just like that and I'm hopeful that they all can come back from it. Keep your head up. Some new friends will come into your life.
Enjoy the ones that are still here. These little birds are amazing. They need to lose some fabulous privilege they are given.
Obviously too selfish and irresponsible. I hate to jump on the bandwagon, but my 7 and 9 yos would do better than this. When they notice pecking, they tell us immediately. And I know a lot of kids of similar age with similar or more responsibility over animals. The raising of the new chickens would hopefully be a rewarding experience and teach them compassion for life. This can still be turned into a good life lesson. I don't know what I would do in your situation.
Other than demand a predator-proof enclosure. But the dog has also taken out our pet bunny, pet guinea pig, and has injured the cat twice. Wait, your husband's animal companion has killed four of your animal companions? It's a husky, they are incredibly prey driven and there's no training that can get rid of it. Any behaviorist worth their salt is going to go "stop having tiny prey creatures around a husky". The red flag is less that several innocent creatures have now lost their lives, but the fact that your husband knows this and still doesn't care to do anything to stop it.
I saw that you have two teenage girls. I was their age when a dog who "just had behavioral issues" and "just needed some TLC to correct their strong prey drive" attacked me. If the bite had just been half an inch lower I would have had my abdominal wall punctured I was lucky to be able to walk away from that with just a nasty scar I wouldn't wish what I went through on anyone.
I miss being able to feel comfortable around dogs. I'm not the one who lost chickens, that was another poster. I'm so sorry about all your pets. I don't know if you're serious about considering your marriage options, but If it was a one-off deal then "accidents happen" might apply and everyone would know to be more careful in the future.
Some dogs do have a high prey drive and it's not really their fault exactly. But it does sound like he hasn't taken any steps to correct this known issue. Someone who felt bad and was sorry and cared about the feelings of others would have shown some extreme regret and taken some action to keep it from ever happening again.
Yeah, I wouldn't just go "oh, that's okay. Sound like a pest not a pet. Huskies have high prey drives. The children will be fine unless they look like squirrels. That being said, this family should stop getting small animals until the dog is gone. Prey drive and risk to kids have zero relationship. My parents dog has the strongest prey drive I've ever seen I've watched him strangle himself to get to prey animals and training has done zero to curb it and he loves humans to no end, will let small toddlers poke him in the eye and go straight back to them cause they are humans and therefore awesome.
My dog on the other hand has zero prey instinct my chickens think she is a big furry chicken to the point where I've watched her try to convince cornered bunnies to play with her the bunnies do not enjoy this , she's the one I worry about around kids due to some past trauma with humans.
I've asked my own behaviorist about this and she has confirmed the lack of link as has my veterinarian.
I never said "prey drive", I said "behaviorist". Considering later in this thread she says that she's worried the aggressive and untrained dog s will attack her or her children, I don't think I'm wrong. They have drawn blood from my husband, bc occasionally the dogs fight and he has to step in the middle. They have told me they will try to step in. He has made no steps to curb their aggression; he has not sacrificed his toys to pay for advanced behavior training, he has not attempted to train them, he has not attempted to make me feel safe in any way.
He seems to have no regard for his family's safety. I'm honestly afraid for you. You can train some dogs to not attack chickens. It's pain-staking work, but it can be done.
I lost a bunch of birds last fall to a stray husky that was hanging around my property. Finally trapped him with the help of my local sheriffs department.
It was awful though. I have two huskies that are wonderful around my chickens. You can train any dog if you have the know how and patience. Okay fair point, but this is a chicken subreddit. I think it would be a fair assumption that A few that have been trained and normalized to chickens could be safe to have around, but most will instantly try to kill backyard birds. Huskies are incredibly prey driven and there's no amount of training that can get rid of it.
Having any kind of small prey like animals in a house with one is a bad idea and unless the husky came after the prey animals then you are also negligent. These dogs are untrained, aggressive, have drawn human blood, and she's afraid they're going to damage her or her children. Huskies can be trained, these aren't. Please reconsider making sweeping statements about situations in which we have no knowledge.
Obviously she's staying with this man who doesn't seem to care about the well-being of his family for some reason, but putting a dog's well-being above her or her children's is kinda questionable. I wonder what kind of appreciation for life you could possibly have when the family pets' lives and food security are less important than a video game?
That thought scares me. I agree that they should be replacing, caring for, and paying for the feed of your replacement flock. I would watch them carefully and expect nothing less than spoiled, healthy, and hand-tamed chickens. If that doesn't help them respect life, what will? I know this will sound silly but I learned the most important animal husbandry lesson from of all places a mystery series of novels set in the s - you take care of your animals before yourself.
In the novels it was grooming your horse, for me with backyard chickens it's they get fed and watered before I do. Put them in counseling until they understand authority, the value of family and the sanctity of life. Me getting fucked by college boy. Me getting fucked by my black friend. My wife getting fucked homemade porn.
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