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We have 2 children, grown. Is it possible that my wife never wants sex? And a subsequent letter: I want to add that at counseling session yesterday she cried about how much stress this is to her—and the counselor looked at her and said I think your husband loves you, she said, I know he does, but never said she loved me too, just did her usual crying. This is just a repeat of all counseling from the past. I am so frustrated, though therapist is obviously leaning my way in this, because she is scratching her head too as what to do—and knows I care for my wife.
Thank you for your help. I only have a fraction of the information that someone who is in the room with you and your wife gets just by watching and listening to the two of you.
That being said, I do have a few thoughts about this painful situation. It may be that the counselor has already commented in the same way. If not, perhaps you could share this with her and see what she thinks. You and your wife have lived this way for 25 years. To your credit, you put the stability of your family over your own needs for a very, very long time. Your and your wife apparently worked together better as parents than as romantic partners.
Having done that, you are now at a different life stage. From her point of view, going through the discomfort of telling the story yet again to yet another counselor has won her another reprieve from a difficult issue and the two of you will just go back to liiving together as you have been for so many years.
Unfortunately, your counselor has confirmed that idea by suggesting backing off the sexual issue. For many, many years you were willing to forego a sex life in trade for a good companion and a stable family. Your wife is probably more aware of your involvement with other women than you think. She was willing to trade off fidelity from you in exchange for, actually, the same thing — a good companion and a stable family. Now you want to change the deal. This is the central issue.
Your love for the girlfriend has upset a balance that has gone on for years. Unless you are willing to put everything on the line by making an ultimatum and sticking to it, you and your wife will continue to go around and around on the same old issue in the same old way. Only you know if it is worth it to you to change the conversation so that it might have a different outcome. Unfortunately, there are no clear right answers in this kind of situation.
I hope this helps. I wish you well. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter. Retrieved on October 28, , from https: Find help or get online counseling now.
Marie no sex with wife for 25 years. Hot Topics Today 1. Bipolar Disorder or Moodiness? Want a more immediate answer from others like you? Use your Psych Central account in our self-help support community now.
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