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Fellas, if you're in your 50s, single and dating and feeling like you're not getting anywhere , consider this a little friendly feedback from the ladies. Maybe you've heard it all before, maybe it doesn't apply to you, maybe you've got the dating thing down -- it doesn't matter. When it comes to women and dating, I say you can never know enough.
And women, lest you think you're off the hook, you're not. Even though I'm talking to the guys here, many of these points apply to you too. Dating in midlife isn't always easy, but at least you're all in it together, and you can all make it great. So men, before you break out into a cold sweat, know that all this is well intended and researched. I've gathered input from three of my most trusted single girlfriends whose ages range from early 40s to lates.
They're smart, sane, and they're here to help. And so am I. Since I got married for the first time at 51, I can speak from experience when it comes to dating men in their 50s. Maybe you're lonely, horny, you want a girlfriend, need some company, or just need to get laid.
Who can blame you? We ALL want love, but some guys blow it by rushing. To me, that's a turn-off. If you don't sleep with them fast enough, they get frustrated and lose interest.
Don't get too flirty too fast, don't text, and definitely don't sext. Even if you're fresh out of a miserable marriage and new to the singles scene, take a breath. You can be romantic and take the lead, but exercise patience. Guys that are too fast getting in are probably going to be too fast getting out. Chivalry and romance aren't dead -- in fact, they're alive and well and much appreciated. So take your time getting to know your date; ask questions, be curious.
And when you've accrued a decent amount of courtship hours, then you can bang away. In other words, you're furious. We get your circumstances might suck, but don't let it consume you. Don't let your anger turn into emotional baggage you carry around everywhere you go. You can prepare a lovely Italian meal for a guy, and all of a sudden he brings up the fact his ex made the best lasagna of all time. They talk about how awful their ex-wives are, and how much money they had to give them.
Dump the baggage, dude. Stop talking about your ex, your kids, your money, etc. If you're still that angry and wounded, get help. Some therapy, meditation, or a little alone time wouldn't be the worst thing in the world for you. The point is, hold back from dating until you're healed. Listening and wanting to know everything about her earns you major points. Let go of your fear and allow yourself to love again.
Despite the occasional dating disasters and mating missteps, there's a lot to love about you guys. You're older and wiser, smarter and sexier than you were in your younger days. Plus, your experience and maturity give you more depth and better perspective in life.
I say it's time to use it to your advantage. Tap here to turn on desktop notifications to get the news sent straight to you. We love you guys and want the best for you, so here goes.
Chicks dig fellas in their 50s. We're rooting for you men, so go get 'em just don't go too fast. Follow Treva Brandon on Twitter: Writer, fitness professional, dating expert, imparting wit and wisdom about life and late blooming love at www. Go to mobile site.
The anonymous woman, whose blog is called The Plankton, is not alone in believing that there are problems specific to being a single woman in middle age. A survey this month found eight out of 10 women over 50 think they have become invisible to men. Seven out of 10 women in the study felt overlooked by the fashion industry, while three-quarters of women in their 60s believed they had lost their identity by being labelled as a "mum".
Women and men are living longer and fitter lives; the average age at which we divorce is rising — 41 now for women and 43 for men — and the number of single parents is projected to rise to 1. There is a new demographic of confident and experienced women, at their sexual peak as far as science is concerned, who would like to find a partner.
But life, friendship and love for the single woman in her mids and beyond has its own particular complications and sorrows. Susan Quilliam, a relationships expert and agony aunt, said that some women were suffering "terribly". They are also much more in a rush to get into a new relationship and are much less likely to give someone a second chance, which may seem callous but they are much more likely to fall in love quickly. For men, it's a case of you fulfil the criteria, let's buy the double duvet.
It's a shame men aim for the younger age range because women of 45 and 55 are arguably much more sexually mature and able to give a lot more pleasure than, say, a woman of The author of the Plankton blog sums up the emotional aftermath of her divorce in bleak fashion: I am already in a wilderness — maybe [facing] my time again, over 40 years, it's possible, but with no one. She points to a passage in the book Intimacy by Hanif Kureshi, when his narrator briefly considers the fate of the woman he is leaving: She will, unfortunately, become the recipient of sympathy.
At dinner parties divorced men will be placed next to her. But according to many singles, even getting invited to the dinner party can be tricky when people tend to socialise with other couples as they get older and settled into marriages and parenthood.
Katie Sheppard, the director of relationships at Match. Its research shows that dating is, especially for divorced women, fraught with complication, anxiety and worry. Looking for second-time love when children are a first priority is a challenge. Nicola Lamond, Netmums spokeswoman and mother, said: Single parents describe themselves as lonely, isolated, vulnerable and worthless. There is a real sense their world has shrunk. Trying to meet people in bars and clubs can feel like a younger person's game, especially when you need a single friend and a babysitter to get there.
Susan Broom is a bubbly woman with a ready laugh who is 48, single, and has now given up actively looking for a man, certainly online, and is not afraid to admit that she does feel the sadness of that. I prefer men of my own age. But a lot of those men my age are only looking at women in their 20s or 30s. Because of its 'anything is possible', 'sweet-shop' appeal, online dating just encourages men to cherry-pick their ideal — usually younger — mate.
Which is depressing if you're a woman of a certain age. Studies across all cultures and nations have shown a consistent trend for men to have younger partners. The idea has taken root that, emotionally, we often react badly to major life upheavals. Moreover, our methods for dealing with changed circumstances are not always helpful.
Going to the pub was named the best way to "get over" a split according to a survey by Men's Health magazine while one third of those polled said the jilted party should feign indifference. Women, by contrast, are typically more comfortable finding a shoulder to cry on and letting it all out. Yet at the same time, they will often have fewer illusions about the state of a relationship and are more willing to endure short-term pain in the knowledge that it's for the best over the longer course.
Many women I work with have taken years to leave unhappy marriages so by the time they do so they have worked through a certain amount of the pain, anger and hurt.
Men's expectations of a marriage are often not as high as women's and they are happy to keep plodding along. Women are often less dependent on their significant other for emotional support - they typically have a wider circle of friends and will confide to family in a way most men wouldn't countenance.
Men, however, frequently look to their relationships to fulfil their emotional needs. Studies have shown that men move into new relationships quicker than women and this may be one of the reasons why. It's not necessarily that the man has 'got over' the relationship but more that he needs support to do so.
What are men to do? Clearly there's no quick fix. You won't get very far telling Brad to pull back the curtains and embrace every morning as a new opportunity. But for many men there is a danger that a brief spell of mourning can metastasise into ongoing loneliness. A first step would be a recognition that both sexes suffer. The only real difference is the way in which they express their pain. In times of stress, many men seek relief at the bottom of a glass.
But overindulgence can cause you to suppress feelings that are best dealt with. Your friends won't jump out the nearest window if you open up about your feelings. Even if they don't have much advice to offer beyond the standard dude-isms, just having them as a sounding board can help. This brings us back to the earlier warning about alcohol, which can inhibit your sleep cycle. At times of stress, prioritise a good night's sleep. Your relationship is over and you need to accept that - which means not stalking them on social media.
It may help to erase their phone number too. As well as focusing attention on your work, make time for exercise and pursue that hobby you never had room in your life for previously.
Potential vacancy for lover, theatre buddy, or one-off fling. Chrissie Russell I suspect there were similar conversations going on in many households as husbands and wives read David Beckham's revelations that marriage to Posh has been "hard work". I am a year-old woman and I have never been asked out by a man. I have been told that I am attractive, I have a university education, a pensionable job, nice car, apartment, etc. It breaks my heart to be single. It's a physical ache.
I know that I am too old to have a family now but even the love of a committed partner would be lovely at this stage. I ache when I see my brothers with their wives and children and ask Why breakups are harder for men: Ed Power Email May 10 2: Why are so many married people risking it all by swiping on Tinder? Is marriage supposed to be 'hard work' like David Beckham says? Our resident psychologist answers your queries about sex Inspirational speech from Michael D as he's re-elected President Gaelic Football Leicester City football club owner among five on board helicopter that crashed outside Style Newsletter Stay on top of the latest fashion, beauty and celeb gossip in our Style newsletter.
Is marriage supposed to be 'hard work' like David Beckham I suspect there were similar conversations My wife admitted having an affair. I am a middle-aged male and I have been living with
Straight Online Dating Women for men Sunderland - SR1 -Relationships-Dates- Vivastreet - FREE CLASSIFIED ADS. Simple, local and free. Jul 01, · Hi All, I am a 35 yr old female and I am married. I am very lonely and depress. I know some of you would say if you are married then why are you lonely it's because my husband is not married to me but he is married to his JOB! Why Wealthy Divorced Women Don’t Remarry And Men Do According to a survey of members of www.siliconirelandnewswire.com, 83% of divorced men would consider marriage in the next five years, while only 32% of divorced women would do the same.