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You may not have set out to fall in love with a married man, but there are times in life when even the most intelligent women find their emotions getting the better of them. Loving and dating a married man can be extremely painful and seldom works out well.
But this article is not intended to judge anyone or tell you to "just dump him! How many men do you know who are ruining their lives because of a woman?
Now, how many women do you know who have sacrificed all for a man? Women need to think and act the way men do to find happiness. Men never put their relationships first. At least moderately successful men don't. That is why they are happier than women are.
Women have a tendency to meet a guy and then focus their entire lives on him. They will stop thinking about attending school or put business plans on hold after meeting someone who sweeps them off their feet.
This is a bad idea even if the guy is not married. But if he is, you have truly just shot yourself in the foot because you have given up a piece of yourself for a someone who belongs to another. You will become more and more resentful over time. Look at your lover boy for what he is and control your emotions. If he is obviously lying to you to keep you available to him, consider if the relationship is worth your time or not. If he can somehow help you in life by making you more successful, paying your bills, or buying you a home, then you have gotten something to show for your time.
It's a matter of being honest with yourself. If he is married and has no intention of leaving his wife, then he may have been dating many women over the years. Usually when a man has this pattern, he dates the woman until she begins to expect more out of him. Then, he dumps her, finds another woman to sleep with before getting rid of her when she gets tired of being a doormat. The truth is, a guy will string you along as long as you will let him.
It's up to you to look out for yourself and avoid being taken advantage of. Ask yourself this question: I am not being judgmental here. But if your guy plays with you for free and then goes home to his wife and plays the husband while you sulk, you are only torturing yourself and being a hooker who works for free.
To be wise and economical, it's time to ask your "boyfriend" to help you out financially. This way when the time comes that you are not together anymore, at least he helped you pay your mortgage. Before you go off on a rant about how expecting or wanting money or gifts is prostitution and that it's all about the love here, remember that dating a married man is not exactly moral either.
The difference here is at least you are not being raked over the coals as you would be if you simply smile and put out like a good girl. You must be realistic here and accept that what you are involved in is risky in many ways. One of the things that often destroys women in your situation is the shock of suddenly being dumped because of something that is happening in his marriage, or because of stress that you are causing him at home.
Believe me, when this happens, having that extra money invested will lead you to think, "At least I got something out of it. I know you are probably thinking that you are in a unique and different situation because he truly loves you, and you love him, etc.
But that is what they all say, and when stress and reality get involved, people's emotions and decisions tend to be all the same after all.
But that is what they all say. For nine years, my friend Darleen dated a man who was married and now regrets it. Her man told her that he loved her but because he had two children with his wife, he could not leave her. He also said that he no longer slept with his wife, but that they had an understanding. Darleen would tell me that if he could leave his wife for her, he certainly would and that her man often showed great concern for whether or not she was cheating on him.
Yes, love is blind. I found myself angry quite often as I told Darleen that if he loved her he would divorce his wife rather than play this game with her.
Poor Darleen had excuses for everything. She got on her high horse by stating that if a man has kids he can't leave. I happen to have known several highly moral men who divorced their wives even though they had two or three kids.
After the divorce, they took care of their children at least half of the time. The truth is, a man will change his life around and do anything to win you over if he truly does love you. If he is content to have sex with you and makes no move to make a permanent life with you, then you must understand that he does not see you as being very important. Or not important enough. I know that your ego does not want to accept that fact but put the shoe on the other foot for a moment.
If you were with a man who you were not having sex with and who you did not love, and you had this man on the side who you truly did love and had a great connection with, would you be content to go home to the man you did not really want, knowing that your lover is single and could easily find someone who is available for him full time?
Men are concerned with having their woman all to themselves. It is actually proof of disinterest on his part if he does not care who you are with and what you are doing. If he sees you as a valuable woman, he will know that other men are after you, and he will want to make sure that he gets you before someone else does. Darleen made excuses for her married lover for years, and she believed him when he told her that he could not stand his wife and never touched her.
After listening to her talk about their intimate discussions, I figured out that her lover had caught on to the fact that Darleen seemed to accept him going home to his wife as long as he and his wife were no longer sleeping together.
Things got a little tricky when his wife suddenly became pregnant. Darleen worked in a building across the street from her lover's wife and was able to spy on her every so often. Darleen's guy informed her that his wife had been bugging him for years to have another baby, and he finally gave in. Not that they were sexual or anything—he explained that in order to touch her, he had to get drunk. The wife had marked the calendar for the day when she was fertile, and they did it just that once in order to have a baby.
The lies can be clever and convincing, but I always say, "Assume that the man is lying until you are engaged, married, or something close. If he seems content to let the relationship go on for years as it is, you should see that he is using you for some fun on the side. So, by all means, date other men. Remember, it's not cheating on your part because he is married.
I hear that one a lot. The married guy says, "Don't cheat on me. Otherwise, you will find yourself rejected by your married lover and you will be left alone. Date on the side to keep yourself from becoming too attached to this man and to keep reality in perspective.
When Darleen finally listened to me and began to see other men, her viewpoint changed dramatically. Her married lover began to only see her for sex.
They were meeting in hotels and were meeting in his car after work. Darleen was not even getting a meal out of it. Sometimes they would go to a bar and have a few drinks and then go to his car. When she began putting her photo on dating sites, she felt more powerful because she could see that there were a lot of other guys out there. Some of these guys took her to exciting places, bought her nice gifts, and even offered her spending money.
What's the best cure for a man? The answer is another one! When you have a man abusing your emotions, don't feel guilty about seeing what else is out there. Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites. I met this guy almost 4 years ago! He is 18 years older than me, but he was so charming and nice a total gentleman, he ask me out and first thing I asked if he was married, he said he was divorced, so we went along, going out having drinks, nice dinners for couple of months, then I decided to introduce him to my friends and coworkers on one of my birthday dinners, after that everything was great I met his friends and the wives of the friends, we had a great relationship until on of my coworkers one day told me that her husband has seen me with my boyfriend and he mentioned that he was married!!!
I met a charmer on one of my travel job assignments, he was married as I. I was going through a divorce, but he is still married, i have been dealing with him since to now, i have flown to see him and now we work in the same city, he claim he is separtated, and not sleeping in the same bed, also claims they dont have sex. However, i offered him to stay with me, when he arrived in TX, and he did, we had sex everyday, well i overheard every conversation, i put camera's with sound all around the house so that i could hear every conversation, because he had told me to much.
I feel bad listening, however i overheard him talking too her and the things i overheard, was crazy, like fighting, talk back and forth, about why she does not touch him, and why she does not help around the house and take care of the kids, and whay she smokes weed and drink for years. He had cheated on her with several woman for 10 years before he met me, i told him why dont you set her and yourself free, he said ite because of the two kid, want to tell them, but they are to small to understand.
They are allways struggling financial, they dont have sex, she told him onthe phone that he knew she was not sexually active when they got married 16 years ago. So out of all of this he met me, and told me he cant see his life without me in it, and he loves me.
Do not say he will not leave his wife and children, i can honestly say he will. I was left with 4 children and he left for my best friend. It was devastating for me and my children, who had known her for 11 yrs. My fault was letting her be my confident. She knew every thing and used it against me. We still feel the effects of a divorce and there is distance between our children and their father. His girlfriendv is not welcome to any family activites. So every event is hectic tovsay the least.
I've never dated a married man but now I find myself in love with one who seems to love me back.
However, if it's too late to prevent, you can still do your best to ensure the affair does as little damage as possible to your life, your paramour's life, and his family members. The best way to do this is to take measures to ensure that no one ever discovers your affair in the first place. Below are just a few examples of ways to keep your secret love affair a secret: Only contact your lover via secure channels of communication secret cell phones are a good bet and only when you're positive he's alone.
Never flaunt your relationship. Don't tell anyone - even your friends. Don't even make veiled hints or references to the relationship. Don't spend time with your lover in public. You have no way of knowing when or where you'll run into someone who knows him. Define the terms of the affair from the outset.
To avoid unnecessary heartbreak which is a possibility regardless of how well you conceal your affair , you'll want to make sure that you and your lover are absolutely clear on the boundaries of your relationship as soon as possible. For instance, you may want to consider setting some of the following limits: Neither lover will ever ask the other to compromise their relationship with their real partner in any way.
Neither lover will ever try to move the relationship in a more serious direction. Both lovers will have the right to end the affair at any time. Keep feelings of jealousy in check. When it comes to affairs, envy is a recipe for disaster. If you're a married man's secret lover, you absolutely must be okay with him spending the majority of his time with his wife and family. If you can't come to terms with the fact that you're the other woman, an affair is probably an even worse idea for you than it would normally be.
Never, ever, ever let your jealousy get the better of you. If you're about to make a drastic decision out of anger or jealousy, try waiting one day before you act. Never act without giving yourself a chance to cool down and consider all the consequences of your actions. Don't be a home wrecker. When it comes to affairs with married men, this is the oldest piece of advice in the book.
Having an affair with a married man is a very bad thing to do, but destroying his family is even worse. Mistresses should stay very, very far away from their lover's home, his family, and especially his children. Don't ever allow yourself to come into contact with your lover's family or try to position yourself between your lover and his family.
This advice is as much in your own self-interest as it is in your lover's, as, if you attempt to interfere with his family, you're essentially forcing him to choose between you and his wife, which may end badly for you to say nothing of the damage his family might experience.
I have a relationship with a married man, but he is my neighbor. I want to stop my relationship with him, but he does not agree. What can I do? He does not have to agree. It takes two people to be in a relationship. Tell him it's over and you're not going to change your mind. Not Helpful 1 Helpful I have been in a relationship with a married man for the past 7 years. His wife and family are well aware of it and they are okay with it.
When he spends time with his family, I'm left alone. What should I do? That's really up to you. If you think you'd be happier finding someone who can fully commit to being in a relationship with you, you should do that.
If you're really happy with this guy and you don't mind that you're always going to come second, you should work on making your life more fulfilling outside of this relationship. For example, when he's with his family, you could be hanging out with friends, taking part in a hobby, going to the gym, taking a class, etc.
Not Helpful 2 Helpful What are the signs that he is cheating on me even though I am his mistress? The same things he does with you to stray away from home to cheat on his wife is more than likely the exact same things he'll do to stray away from you to cheat in your relationship. Not Helpful 6 Helpful It's probably just lust. But then again, who's to say what's in a person's heart? Sometimes we marry the ones we don't love. Not Helpful 30 Helpful I hooked up with a guy who he said was single but once we caught feelings and things got serious he confessed to being married and begged me not to leave him.
What do I do? Honey, he lied to you from the beginning. Break up with him. Not Helpful 11 Helpful You can ruin your professional relationship.
There may even be company rules forbidding relationships. You would also likely become the subject of office gossip. Not Helpful 9 Helpful What do I do if I was having an affair and the married man leaves me? Accept his decision and move on. This one of the unfortunate consequences to dating a married man. I'm in love with a married man and I really want to respect his marriage, but my feelings tell me to do otherwise. Its a discussion you will have to have with your married man.
Ask him what his intentions are in regards to the marriage and if he plans on leaving. If not, then you either must decide to continue or stop seeing him. But, certainly, do not be the reason that the marriage breaks up. Not Helpful 3 Helpful If my lover's wife knows about us and is okay with it, what should I do? Carry on, I guess? You can try asking your love what's going on with him and his wife, why she's okay with it, etc. Not Helpful 14 Helpful Yes, men and women can be friends without anything romantic or sexual going on.
Every time I have sex with my married boyfriend, he cries deeply, which scares me. Why does he do this? Answer this question Flag as How can I tell if a married man still loves me when I had an affair with him? Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered. Already answered Not a question Bad question Other. Tips Make sure he's not the only one getting your attention. Mingle, go out, have drinks and let him know for a fact that you don't need him.
He was very charming and I was under the spell the minute I laid eyes on him. I have always had the rule of never being involved with a married man but I guess being unable to find the right type of person and how charming he was with the way he talked to me and convinced me about his soon to be over marriage, relationship quickly progressed into intimacy and like no other before.
He is 10 yrs older than me and at first he was saying about what was going wrong in his marriage and how she is a doctor and works so many hours and he is always alone and that he takes care of their son etc etvc. We literally became friends with benefits So after 3 months into it, I ended it- I asked to meet at a coffee shop and told him that I had met someone and that I did not know what would happen but that I was not going to go into anything having a guy on the side.
Being divorced and knowing what men are and can be like, has made dating very complicated. B kept texting, calling at random times and checking in on me over the course of 6 months. I mostly ignored all calls and texts but some I responded. Then after 7 months- still being single and being in my sexual prime 40 I texted him one morning and said I want you today at this time at this hotel, can you be there?
This was exactly 8 weeks ago. Since then we have been meeting every Thursday after work, and have amazing sex for 3 hrs. Not a word all week well mostly but then rolls in Thursday So last Thursday he was unable to meet me. Then out of no where Tuesday night he texts me at 8: If we change our morals, rules for others- we will end up getting hurt.. I want all my fellow female friends on here to read their own stories as someonelses and see how they have the answer actually.
Be the third person in the relationship- end it move on I also know this for a fact that it is better to be alone than be in a toxic relationship No man should be obligated to support you unless you are married, or living together in a long term relationship. Girls, take care of yourselves - you will be even more attractive to a man at that point. A loving relationship should not based on monetary values, live should be first.
You should feel comfortable with this person. Are you going to hold that against him? There are many more ways to determine if a man loves you other than money. Start with what your gut tells you. If you have doubts, look him in the face and talk it over with him. Money is not what love is all about. The ppl who write these seem to be some cold hearted person. With my relationship it's different.
Only he went back to her. I'm not sure y, I didn't ask. He makes big sacrifices for me all of the time. And all men gets jealous so I'm not going to be stupid n do something that'll make him jealous.
Advising that to me sounds like someone trying to sabotage other ppls good relationships. I was having problems with this man n my bf went n talked to him about it.
He made sure that I wasn't going to get anymore problems from him. Plus he stayed with me all night instead of going to his wife. I believe that she knows about us but won't tell. I mean even a blind person could see him going out of his way for me. Not to mention the long looks he gives me right in front of her.
Then after he stayed with me she did something to make him feel guilty. I won't say what that is. So my relationship is nothing like what ur stories. He's here every night after work n only leaves if he has to. My wife has been the best blessing that God has ever giving to me and i was scared i would lose her to someone else thats why i contacted you guys for help and you delivered me from my doubts. I went through all her messages on my phone as soon as you hacked into her cell and i found out she has never been cheating on me.
She cares about me,our son and now i never have to worry about losing her ever again. I will never forget the big favor you helped me the. Please I have been reading and going through all the comments I most confess this site has helped me alot reading and learning from other people's experienced. He can never do anything more to u that have uncountable and numerous sex with u. My experience here is short and to the point I knew this man for a short time but my guts didn't trust him I kept on making excuses for him.
But I could not take it to the point where he will be with me and kept on calling his wife in my presence these when on for some time. Like seriously all I needed was fun but it should came with some respect.
So I have decided to move on as if nothing ever happened to safe myself from emotional landslide. I'm currently seeing a married man for 2 years now. We both know that we are 'special' friends with benefits. The first time I met him, at work, I got attracted to him and then I saw his wedding ring, for a while I got sad.
But he kept being him who is a great man and we got closer and we laughed together. I liked him again and fantasized about him. Then we kissed and kept doing it and after a month I invited him to my place. I was a virgin then, we did everything except penetration.
It was my choice. He comes over times a week and hooked up at work too. One day, he texted me that we needed to lay low because his wife got suspicious. She saw him parked at the corner of the street by their house on his phone.
He said it was a call from work. He never called or texted for 3 weeks. I got mad because he can't even text me even if he's at work. We were in different departments then Then he reached out and we talked in person.
I told him that he has 3 priorities. I told him that we will never have a future together my point was, to keep his family. I knew where I stand, I never wanted to be his wife, I would love to but I am not expecting and I want to be a mother in the future and he's already fixed so that would be a problem. I am not a homewrecker. I don't ask for money, he did give me flowers and candies then but I'm not expecting more because his wife might be suspicious with his credit and I don't want to get him in trouble and I still want to keep our relationship.
We talk about his kids most of the time and I respect him and his family. We both know that I will be with someone who I can be with for the rest of my life. Btw, I gave my vcard to him and for now, we are still having fun.
Every coin has two of its sides. The same is here. First of all, the question seems objective but it is not. It is rather subjective and has a full length of ifs and buts. The strongest of the things in the universe that is love sees no boundaries. So, if it is not wrong to fall in love, loving a married man is also no wrong. See, what happened when a woman had a huge crush on his married boss at https: I don't share my man to anyone.
So no way in this wide world I would accept him to sleep with another woman. Luckily, I found that man for 17 years and still going strong Bottom line, I don't share a man with any woman as long as I live. If I die yes, he can sleep with other woman. If he or I cross the line. Just simple as that. So that said, I don't sleep with a married man who also sleep with his wife. I said that I do that with my clear consciousness. So if you allow or accept the situation whether you like it or not, I am sorry but sounds like you are NOT a strong person at all.
You're your worse enemy. Affair with a married man is something like feeling as if you are inside a pressure cooker. Many and many things cook inside you. You just do not know what is happening with you and what should be done? You are in constant fix over the point that either wrong is happening to you or it is you are who is doing the wrong? The sense of guilt starts to take over you and your affair with man and makes the situation go even worse.
But that even teaches you a lot of things. Most of the married men who have affair with other women are found to cheat even the girlfriend. They have commitment issues. You can get amazing look at about dating a married man. This story is about a 17 year old lass who had an affair with https: What if no kids are involved and his wife is never around.
They are military so they rushed into a relationship and he already filed for divorce. She is deployed, but now she is coming back. He claims he is going to finalize everything and make sure his name is off everything, but im not stupid. He is ex military so they have that connection that I would never understand. After all he loved her enough to marry her even though they only dated for two months and she asked him first.
When she gets back in town they are gonna have sex. I already cut things off with him, but he refuses to let me go. We dont even have sex. Its been almost a month. Agin his wife is away and we been on this rollercoaster for 3 years. Decided to become friends in and he apologized i got mad and cut him off agin, i felt there was something more.
He told me is wife got deployed but they are separated and he filed for divorce. Summer of his wife is about to come back I dont trust him so i dont have faith he will go through with finalizing the divorce. I literally wanted to cry. It made me feel special. Come to find out his phone broke the day after I ended things. So I called his job and he was happy to gear from me and we laughed about the situation.
The sad thing is he was telling the truth about his phone. I told him that we shouldnt still see eachother anymore and he should definitely focus on his wife! I dont want to be the reason he is getting a divorce! I want him to try one last time when sge gets back and I love him enough to see that he is happy without me. The article feels like saying story of mine. I got love with a married man with 2 sons.
We started our relationship with truth in our family. He has 2 kids I have one. We are in relationships since 5 yrs. Even it is very hard and painful that when you know your love is having sex with his wife though you left your husband for him.
He is saying he can't leave his wife and kids and me too. M really in depression and stress. I couldn't handle the situation anymore. M getting away from all happiness then also I can't leave this man. Why I have been chosen to have such depression. I want to come out but I can't leave him. I have told him. Don't leave them but please marry me, I want to stay with you atleast twice a week.
It is very painful when he leave me everyday in a lonely world. Now I m feeling so lonely and he is having dinner with his family. Really I don't want to live. I m fail in life. I left my husband I ruined my life but I can't get him. I have never related to an article this much. I'm falling for a married man and it's making me soft. I didn't plan to fall for him, I just wanted someone who's not fully available to hang out with.
These days I don't mind paying for dates and I rarely ask for money from him. Reading this I think I should sober up and start making it worth my time.
You're right, he's not sacrificing it all for me, why the hell should I! I have been in a long distant relationship for 8 years. When we first met he said he haven't been married nor has any kids. Last year I have visited him and he showed me around his hometown and we even visited his mothers grave. I felt for the 1st time he shared something personal.
Last year he proposed to me and we are planning to get married in aug, I have had this strong intuition during these years being with him he has been cheating on me. But I just ignored this suspicious feeling. The last 3 years he has been eager to start a family with me. Right now I am at his apartment all alone while he says he is 'working'.
While he has been working the last 4 days I have been snooping around his place. The first day I found out he had 4 kids and a wife saw hidden letters and pictures.
I was devastated and really sad. The next day I found out he was divorced with 2 children. And I calculated that he was going through this divorce and was married later with this other woman with 4 kids and seeing me at the same time. I feel hurt because of his dishonesty and disrespect and much more. I developed feelings for him but I haven't confronted him yet about what I know. Yesterday he I asked him to sign the marriage license papers and he seemed reluctant and then he said he would contact his lawyer first because of the marital status would change his taxes.
I am torn because this is exactly what happen with my father. He cheated on my mom with several woman. I felt resentment towards him and called his women for prostitutes. Now I am in the same situation being the other woman. I am in my late 30s and I am somehow desperate to have children and I feel like my clock is ticking, I feel sorry for his wife and kids who sees him as a hero - read it from his kids letter with a drawing on them.
Maybe I am being selfish just to have kids with him but I feel like I don't have the time to find another man. Honestly I don't think the marriage license would be signed. I know it's wrong to continue a relationship with him, but I have invested so much time and feelings that it would be hard to have a life without him.
I am with a married man who has never lied to me about anything. He has never said that he is unhappily married or shown me dreams of getting married to him. He has been very straightforward from the start.
Even while he proposed he said he knows this is wrong but he can't stay away from me. We have discussed about our feelings a hundreds times and have tried to put an end to this but somehow we keep getting back. He makes me his priority always. From the time I open my eyes till I close them he is constantly in touch with me.
He shares all his problems, tensions with me. Our relationship is nt only abt sex. He guides me , supports me gives me good advices and looks out for me. He never misses an opportunity to make me feel special.
I have a great bonding with his son too. He even discusses his son's progress with me. We both don't want to give him a broken family. Bt if incase he ever decides to leave her i m ready to accept his son with open arms. N this has been going on for the past 6 yrs. Initially i used to hope tht he might marry me. But the way this relationship has shaped out marraige no longer seems important to me. Maybe i m going crazy But i want to stay in this relationship.
This relationship is far better than the one i had with my ex hubby. N also he is very caring towards my daughters Neither of us are dependent on another for financial reasons. We are independent bt dependent emotionally. Well does anybody out there understand this relationship? I can't understand the parts of this article where the married guy must financially support the mistress to make the affair worth her while?
If a guy is sleeping with a married woman, does she have to support him financially? I honestly don't get it. A little old fashioned maybe? I find myself sleeping with a colleague that is married with two kids. I don't feel good about the fact that he is married, but I am not doing it because he may support me financially or because he may help me buy a house or whatever.
This sounds like prostitution to me, which in my point of view is a lot better than what I am doing, but that's beside the point. I am sleeping with him because he makes me feel desired and wanted.
He gives me pleasure like I haven't experienced before. It is my choice to be part of this, and this has nothing to do with money.
How does making him support you financially make things any better? It would make me want to kill myself if after having passionate sex with me, he sent me some money or dropped some notes on my bed. I own up to the fact that I am a horrible person for doing this, I cannot justify it or make excuses. It is a selfish, demeaning and foolish act and that's the end of it. I don't want him to leave his family.
I love my independence and seeing him sporadically and with no emotional complications suit me well. It sucks and it's a choice, so if it sucks that much, move away or deal with the consequences. If you are emotionally or sexually involved with a married person, you need to STOP immediately.
You may not have a clue but you are being complicit in the absolute destruction of another's life. If you don't believe that, you need to take a big step back and look at some of the current research about relationship traumas and betrayal. It is a cancer upon the lives of everyone involved. Am in a relationship with a married man,when ever I bring a topic that some days our relationship will end he will be mad at me,his he using me or what?
Dating with a married man its not good becouse everything you need to do is limited i am dating with a married man its been 8 years now last year he proposed me but I didn't accept his ring i said i will accept it when he pay damage bcz now its only me and him know about this ring even his family didn't know about me.
I have fallen in love with a man on the internet. I'm courtly dating with a man who was married. They are not together with the girl for 7 years and still not annulled.
The man was afraid of getting new relationship with me but he was afraid of letting me go. I'm glad I came across this. I'm seeing a married guy who totally lied about his relationship status.
He's a coworker who gets angry at me when he sees me talking to other male co-workers. I needed this, thanks for the insight. So here is a general principle: Then you will know what to do. You all need to step up to try yo think through your own problems.
And lastly, you earn a good life by yourself, not anyone else. I've been involved with a guy recently. We do not stay in the same country. He comes to my country every two months for work then we meet each other. On his first visit, we've gone out a couple of times and he actually asked for other times to be with me although back then I'm in an open relationship with another guy hence I really don't pay attention to him. After his first visit, he went back to his home country and continued chatting and keeping in touch with me.
By that time, I have not much interest in him as the other guy I dated and I decided to be exclusive.
Unfortunately, the other guy has issues with commitment and isn't emotionally available so I ended our relationship. Then the first guy messaged me asking why I've been quiet and whether I've been upset.
I thought it's an opportunity to forget the other guy so I reconnected with this guy. We went on chatting for a month before he came back to the country where I'm at. We met and I introduced him to my friends. My friends liked him and I did see that he was able to mingle with us inspite the fact that we are totally from different cultures. After that meeting, I went home with him to his hotel. And we had sex. That is my first time to have sex with anyone. It's not because I'm saving it for marriage but because my gut feel tells me whether I should do it or not.
But for some reason with this guy, I felt a deep connection with and I never had hesitations to do it with him. We spent all the days he was here together. I even took care of him when he got sick. Then we even had a night when we just cuddled and no sex involved. He was gentle and respectful all the time. He left for his country again, we continued chatting and he's not the type who chats. I opened up my thoughts about it and I did see that he exerted more effort in keeping in touch with me.
Our messages are filled of I miss yous and I can't wait to see you messages. I've never been more patient with anyone than I was with him. Then after a month, something urged me to research about him. I found his linkedin account then his fb. I never like adding the guy Im dating on social sites to avoid me seeing his past life.
But what I found out after a week of stalking is heartbreaking. I was led to a fb page of a woman who is married to him. They've been together for 11 years and married since They don;t have kids.
I ended the relationship right away when I found out and he told me this "I'm sorry for not being honest with you: I have never done anything like this. But I like you and that's why I never had the nerve to tell you the truth. Because I believe that it's better to hurt the person with the truth than make him happy with a lie. I stopped all connection with him after that. But my heart hurts so much whenever i remember that he's the one that I've give my whole self to. Its not a comment as such, but i need an advice.
How do i ask for it and wont it cause any problems? He says he loves me and by his actions i see that and believe it too. I ended the relationship I was with a married man after three years. We went to Mexico and he paid for the trip and I paid for airfare so a sugar daddy he was not. No contact for almost a month but I keep thinking about him. He told me was married and never said he would leave his wife and I never asked him to just thought someone else would come along a lot sooner.
It hurts not having him in my life and it hurt when he was in my life because I was never his priority ever. From hard pain and experience, dating a married man is extremely hard. I am always wondering his true feelings for his wife even though they are separated.
I have gut feelings that he secretly private messages her on YouTube and messenger I have not once felt secure with him. The worrying never stops. I feel like an idiot for being loyal to him. I've read the article and some comments. I have been with my guy over 7yr. We have had ups and downs. He has been honest from the beginning.
And we have love and trust but I'm not unrealistic I know he most likely won't leave. I've met other guys and dates. Add to the mix another married man. They know about each other. I love them both for different reasons. As long as you can live with it and know what's real.
I really live this man but just the mixed feelings killing me He shows so much interested in me I have been with this married man for a year now.. I am just emotionally drain right now I want him for my self but its just taking to long..
I love him do want to leave because of his situation but its hard to do.. I'm just having the bunch of mixed feelings right now My case was different cos I met him single. We've been in relationship for almost 3 years then he decided to go for arranged marriage.
I was so broke and so down that he just decided so fast without thinking of our relationship. I can't blame his culture and his family's plan for him. So, I still keep in touch with him even after his marriage and he is giving response as well that he still loves me and don't want to leave me.
I know it's unfair for me now, knowing that He has wife now and I am waiting for him to come back to me. In your position, I think I might have asked the spell caster to make my cheating husband's manhood go gangrenous and drop off.
Hi Ladies, i have been looking foe woman who have been the same road as i am taking now. I have been knowing this guy since last June and dating him now for 9 months. We have alot in common but what i think i love most about him is that he's been honest from jump. We live 3 hours away so we don't really see each other much. Yet we talk everyday.
He has 2 kids with his wife and they have been married 17 years. I have never dated a married man before and i told him i had no intentions on being with one!! Totally against everything i stand for but what do you do when he's everything you need. He calls my kids and ask them how there day went at school, keeps them in line, sings to them, and they love him but never met him. I on the other hand love him but i do see other guys to keep me from falling head over heels.
He dont tell me sweet nothings but i can always tell through his actions that he do love me as well. I have nothing but respect for him and he has respect for me. He says its ok if i see other guys but i know for fact that was a whole lie. I think man i need to really let this go cause he never will. He's saying and doing more each day to prove to me that he cares for me and i don't even think he realizes it. I love him but i know im going to have to let it go.
He thinks we will still remain friends but i don't know if i could. Or she sees a relationship with a married man as a way of validating her own attractiveness see I can attract a married man, who is risking so much to be with me.
And no the guy does not respect his wife and family, or he would not be diverting funds and time away from their family. My ex husband left after over 9 years, but it did not work out with the mistress or wife number 2, so I guess you could say he had a big dose of karma and to be quite honest the mistress did me a big favour, as I think I am much better off without this cheating scumbag.
I am trying hard not to judge but please help me understand why do you do it? There are plenty of hot,decent single men out there waiting for a good woman to love them,what's the allure of dating a married man? Its not like they would ever love you,leave their wives for you,treat you as an equal or marry you,so what's the allure? Believe me ladies,I know how hard finding a great guy is,but they are out there. I will not judge any woman who chooses to do that because that's life things happen, but you need to be strong if you want to play.
And hell ya the single life! I love coming home whatever the time i want! No difference even if he threatens with suicide.
If he really does commit suicide, then it's better he stay dead instead of continue to insult my IQ. So it all depends how ruthless you can be and how much you want to love yourself. Here is a quote from Coco Chanel: As long as you know men are like children, you know everything!
And lastly, Why the heck did I receive an email from HubPages editor about "How to be single and mingle"? What the hell does my status have to do with your editor or whatever whoever writes? Either some staff saw my comment and sent me that promotion, or a data analysis machine sorted me to that promotion. Either way my privacy feels invaded and I will thus unsubscribe from all the feeds from this website.
But I will find a way to reply my dear Diana since she cares to be curious about my story. So now, let's see if the author has the ball to let public of this comment evil laughing here hahaha. I'm really glad I came across this article. I'm currently in a relationship with a married man for around half a year.
He made it clear from the beginning that he's married and has one son but not having sex anymore with his wife for years. He said that he loves her "as a family", not in a romantic way, and they have chosen to not get divorce because of the son. He also said I'm not the first "girlfriend" he had; there were two other women before me. I felt happy in the beginning because I know that he loves me even until now.
But then my happiness turns to guilt when he begins to spend more of his time with me; even keeps texting me all day and calling me when he's home. Also, he never hesitates to show his feeling in public area, such as holding my hand or kiss and hug me. However, when I talked to him about the future, he said firmly that he cannot leave his family. I wouldn't lie that this relationship puts me in a dilemma.
I feel left behind and lonely every time he comes home to his family, but at the same time I feel guilty if he spend more time or money with me than his family. All this feeling makes me unhappy, I can't feel the joy of the relationship.
I openly talked about all my feelings to him and said that I want to break up. Come to think of it, I had asked for break up twice, but he always cried and begged me to stay in his life because he said he loved me so much and that I was the gift that he's got in his ruined life.
I don't see why he doesn't want to let me go. What's the point of having this kind of relationship? Last month I got pregnant, and he immediately asked me to abort the pregnancy. I was really really depressed, it made me so stressed and had miscarriage. It was my first pregnancy in my life, not a very nice experience. He was there, took care of me 24 hours for weeks until my health condition was better and no further doctor check up needed. I have a feeling that maybe, maybe he really loves me, but he's too comfortable with his married life to sacrifice anything for our relationship.
Now I am here sitting alone, typing on this comment while he's at home with his family. I am now thinking of seeing other guys behind his back, but I don't know if it is fair for him, because he's always truthful to me as far as I know. But the part of this article: Man will not tell the thruth because they know but that not all women are wlling to date a married man.
Thats right but its the choice for the other woman to make. I dated a married man for 3 years. He lied about being married with children and about his age. Im a woman and i know the diffrent between a body of a man and a boy.. And i was like or you shure you have told me the thruth about your age?
The next day i went back i saw my picture was delete. I told him i want her picture to delete also. I ask Again and he said he dont know how to remove pics from fb. That i should do it. From that point i start getting susspicious. So i started with his emails.. Because the woman i saw on his fb was not even his wife. I saw messages between him and that woman. I was in shock. I felt like my heart has dissapeared. At that point he was not only fooling me.
From my country and his country. The wife is leaving in his country. Because he had enough time for me. I cofronted him the same day he was shocked also. I told him when I ask question you better answere them because if i want to know something i will.. I can go far so he appoligized, kneel down telling me his wife is leaving in his country and he lied about his age because of his paper to stay in this country.
But i didnt ask because i knew the whole story already. Then he start crying he wanted to tell me But everytime there was something else and because i was sick he was affraid of the affect on my condition. I mean 3 whole years. I was not sick when you first met me. But after that i stopped trusting him.
When i was calling And he didnt answere, when he was on his phone. When he was touching me i couldnt stand it.
I started nagging for the little things. And so i decided to stop the relationship. So this was my story. My advice to yall ladies out there, be carefull and think before dating a man. For now i will enjoy my single life. As someone commented before, this is just going to be a fling. I have no interest in interfering in his family at all, well if you want to criticize what I want to do I have to say I am a human and thus should be allowed to follow my heart sometime. I have no desire for him to divorce his wife at all.
He actually once hinted to me about a future. Indeed, my ambition is too big to be trapped by a man or two, even if he or them might be the love of my life, in different ways. So I am going to be stubborn and thus impolite to you: I am going to use my own money to fly to see him. GZZ, girl, don't do it.
Thank you for the sweet compliment. Also, your comment made my day. I really like the way you write, GlendaGoodWitch. You are blunt and your writing is logical and organized, but also humorous and entertaining. I have been struggling in an affair myself trying to remain faithful to "him" but the darkness and loneliness began to consume me. I have been hanging out with one of my exes now and it is MAJOR relief and we are surprisingly reconnecting wonderfully and realizing we are more compatible than we once believed.
I realize - and especially upon discovering your article - I am a truly free individual and it is hypocritical and presumptuous of a married man to demand fidelity from his mistress. Think and act like a man for happiness, as well as the putting the shoe on the other foot analogy helped me immensely I am now beginning to reach clarity, I think, I just feel so scared to end it. Lynn67, I know I'm probably too young to offer much validation and probably also too active into other people's business, but there are some lines from the movie Last Night:.
I've been seeing a married man for 3 years now. He sees me at two breaks at work, 30 mins once a week in the morning and that's it. Never buys me lunch or dinner, never takes me out, no gifts , yet I do counless gifts and things for him. He will never leave his wife of 20 years although she never has sex w him. He has become hateful since he has a lot of pain and medical issues.
He says he loves me. Can't let me go but sometimes I wish she would find out so it would be over. Met a man at work who is twice my age, but we have an incredible connection that we just can't seem to ignore. He's been married for 30 years and has always been truthful about it.
I want out before anything serious happens we have only kissed once , and this article really helped. Haha i find it so bulls eye. Then you will probably need to wait maybe 2 years or more I think. I will come back here to post if I have updates. You're a romantic like me.
You don't want to have regrets. I really hope things work out for you and you don't get more hurt. Let me know how things go.
God this is such a paranoia. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever find that one that truly cares for me. This feels like the one thing that I just have to do. There will be no future, but I have to do this to save myself. My recommendation is to not do it. I know you think now that you can stay emotionally detached and you are not interested in anything more than a fling. Trust me, you will be hurt. You will get even more attached and waste your youth pining for this person who is using you.
I know you think he loves you, and maybe there's part of him that cares about you and I know you think you're different or this is different, and I'm sure you're a beautiful, young, intelligent woman, but please you will be hurt. Think of it this way, if he really loved you, he would visit YOU. Don't make excuses for him. Look at all these long posts! We all have some kind of being with a married man stories, don't we? I met a man in Europe while I was studying abroad.
I don't want to specify the country for privacy reason I was working on publishing a paper and needed someone more experienced. He agreed to help and then we got closer. I only stayed in that country for 2 days so we mainly kept in contact via Internet afterwards. We stayed in contact for about a year and then the communication gradually stopped. I had a American boyfriend a little older than me but eventually broke up.
I am very young, still a college student in the U. He is much much older than me, definitely older than double of my age. And I know from the beginning that he is married. We had skyped and I can see the ring.
But he is just so mature, charming, and intellectual stimulating. I think it is the very first time that I realize I love someone. I think he loves me too, from many details. Although we are not in contact, I feel I just know it from a woman's sixth sense. I've been thinking working hard after graduation to save money to fly to Europe to see him.
I've read the following posts which all seem to come to the conclusion that being a mistress will only hurt you. But I'm not interested in his wife.
Indeed, I am not interested in anyone's ex I also have no interest in wrecking his family. I think he has kids with his wife I want to go all the way to see him just for the sake of love. If it hurts afterwards, then let it hit. I am not afraid. I am thinking about doing a master's degree in his city.
I don't know how this will change the outlook. I dated a married man casually for 3 years. In that time I met his really yummy younger brother. We spent a lot of time together and both knew we had chemistry.
But he had a serious girlfriend at the time. He always told me he thought I was too good to be involved in an affair. I listened to him and broke it off with his brother shortly after he left town.
The thing is he also asked me to marry him that night. How do I say yes? What do we say to his brother? I suggested we can all meet for drinks before the gig, either in the city or at my place.
I got kind of pissed with that realization and decided to go forward and just resign before he asks me. I can't even explain why or what was I thinking at that time.
I even got a chance of rolling my eyes over picture of him on the beach, which was clearly taken by his wife. I never asked him about moving out or a divorce, I only asked him to finally talk with me. Actually I've asked about that 35 times only this year. He always agreed, but obviously never did it. Now I fell he moved out because it was easier to have sex with me that way plus he didn't have to come home late and make up excuses what a clever boy. But first I discovered he's spending weekends with his wife and nope, not because of the kid, but some event.
At this point I got mad, because he asked me a ton of question and I never kept a secret from him about meeting somebody or going somewhere.
So here you go, my friends, 6 bits of marriage advice for men that will start Although your relationship can have some momentum for a while. This is for the women who love their married men and need positive . When it comes to affairs with married men, this is the oldest piece of advice in the book. He lost the love of his life through divorce, he wished he could have done these things to save his marriage.