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Hi all, I have been dating the same guy for the last five years. This past fall I started a new job, and I hit it off with one of the male staff. We became friends quickly - same sense of humor; we could talk for hours about everything and nothing; and we spent time together outside of work. My wife and I have been married for over a month now.
She has a male best friend; they have been very close for the past 6 or 7 years. My wife's friend is always looking at me and asking if we could all hang out all the time. It makes me uncomfortable. We always get into arguments when ever I hang out with her. She always compliments my looks and ask questions about my where abouts.
It make me uncomfortable. Benn married 18 years, found out a few months ago my wife has a male friend she worked with for 6 years, he transferred out of state 2 years ago, but while she is at work they always e-mail and call each other.
I would not usaly have a problem with this, but I never knew anything about this guy up My wife who I love very much has male friends. That doesn't bother me. She texts' them and emails them, talks on the phone etc. She has been known to even go for lunch or dinner with them. Recently she told me she want to go to the amusement park with him and my two kids. I told he that it Find questions to answer Find today's questions Find unanswered questions.
Login Not a member? Boundaries with your wife's Male friend Asked Nov 17, , My wife has suddenly obtained a best friend who happens to be male. After reading through several threads about said subject it appears that I should be OK with this. I am OK with her having a male friends however I am unsure of boundaries I have seen many people bring up. I feel that some of the stuff she does with him are not appropriate.
For example I am fine when they go out to a book store, have coffee, catch lunch. However on two instances while I was out of town he has come to our house and they watched a movie together, she made him dinner and they basically spent the entire day together.
Once when the kids where there, another when they were not. I am trying to be OK with this sort of activity because I feel it is wrong for me to be bothered by it, but I still feel in my gut that it is not appropriate behavior for someone who is married.
I do not know this guy and he has only surfaced within the last few months. She does things with him she has never done with any of her other friends and spends way more time then she has ever spent with any of her friends.
In fact the only person she has behaved this way with before is me. I know for a fact she is not having any type of romantic involvement with him, and I know they are just friends.
However I can't help but to fear the relationship might develop into something more. It is likely my history is a major factor because I have had the same thing happen with two past girlfriends I loved dearly who left me for their new best friend.
So should there be boundaries? Am I wrong to be bothered by him coming to my house and spending the entire day with her while I am away? If so what is a good way to get past my negative emotions so that she can be with her friend and I can not feel sick to my stomach all day?
We have talked about it and fought about it. Right now we are compromising and she is only going to go to public places with him. I am fine with that. We plan on all getting together so I can meet him and get to know him. She does tell me when they are doing things and was only secretive about it before I "found out about him". There are relationship issues between also. I can go into those if need be but would prefer not if it is not necessary. I think that should cover any question someone helping might ask.
Thanks in advance for everyone's time. Search this Question Share. Nov 17, , The key here is communication. You need to let your wife know exactly how you feel and why. I would want to know if my husband was spending all this time with a woman. I would not feel right about it at all. There should definitely be boundaries - and those should be set on what you can live with. I think it is good that there is a get together coming up so you can meet this man.
I am surpirsed you haven't already. If you hear warning bells go off after you spend time with the two of them together -then don't ignore them. How did she meet this man? We'd like to understand what you find wrong with NowWhat's answer: What's inaccurate about this answer? Please focus on the content not the person!
Link to a credible and well-known source. You can provide a URL or simply describe the source. She met him through Myspace or Facebook, and through a mutual friend.
They started talking over mutual interest in books. Funny thing is all the books this guy reads, I read also and have suggested to her before. Only now is she reading him. There are multiple things like this that drive me bonkers. It really creates a feeling of being left behind. We'd like to understand what you find wrong with Muxe's answer: I haven't met him earlier due to work schedules.
I have been working weekends, and she works night where I work days. It has been impossible for us to do much together. This touches into to some of the relationship issues I vaguely mentioned. I may be the type to over think things - or look for things that are not there, but In my absoulte honest opinion, I don't think there is much good that can come from the relationship that you are explaining.
Is this man married or single? It sounds to me like your wife is missing something in your relationship, otherwise she would not feel the need to go to another man for her needs. You two need to get some professional help. What are you doing to cause this rift? What do you spend excessive time doing? We'd like to understand what you find wrong with donn's answer: Originally Posted by NowWhat. I think you are delving too deeply into all the circumstances. This is wrong and needs to end. There is an old saying: If it looks right, it might be wrong but if it looks wrong it's got to be wrong.
This definitely looks wrong to me and I can see it on the surface, no studies needed. We'd like to understand what you find wrong with smearcase's answer: I agree that her friendship is excessive.
But I want to say that I think the same would apply if it was a husband with a woman "pal. Jealousy is a normal human emotion and, in my opinion, people should not do things that worry their spouses.
Obviously, just talking to someone or having a casual friend of the opposite sex is one thing. But spending many hours alone with them?
I don't think so. Muxe, I also think you should find a way to spend more time one on one with your wife. She is obviously lonely in her relationship to you. That's not okay either. Do you really have to have that second job?
Most have a variety of classes, activities and even trips. Stop by and ask for a schedule. If you're retired, take a part-time job , even for just a few hours a week. It will expose you to new people and give you a little extra pocket money to boot. Pursue your own interests — concerts, lectures, tai chi, cooking classes, whatever. Set up a page on Facebook. You can connect with old friends and friends of friends — who just may happen to know someone in your area.
Invite a few of your neighbors for dinner if you like to cook, or organize a potluck meal if you don't. Get a dog if you're an animal lover. Conversations with other dog walkers are guaranteed, and even people without pets will stop to say hello to Max, giving you the perfect opener. Can't have a pet? Volunteer at your local shelter. Work out at a nearby gym or the Y — but don't just do the machine routine: Join a class so you see the same people every week.
If someone doesn't call you back immediately, don't assume they simply don't like you. Have faith — and exercise it. Many churches and synagogues make it a point to welcome newbies and introduce them around. Volunteer in your community.
Museums, hospitals, churches, animal shelters and schools are always looking for people to help out. Ms Choo, 28, says: Originally intended for singles, it has become a friendship-focused portal open to anyone, as long as you want to connect over an area of interest. Once users have logged in with their Facebook or e-mail accounts, they can choose to join a conversation that falls under various existing topics.
If they cannot find what they are looking for, they can set up their own topics of interest or filter using keywords to find profiles similar to theirs. She hopes that the chance the app offers to have genuine conversations with like-minded people will draw users. No matter how many digital likes we get, friendship and human connection will always be key.
For Mr Allan Tanekura, managing director of a Japanese event ticketing company, meeting Singaporeans has been a tricky prospect. The Japanese citizen, who is the only staff of the Singapore branch of his company, does not have any colleagues to rely on to introduce him to new people. Working in Raffles Place, he finds it hard to strike up conversations with strangers, most of whom are either in a rush to get back to the office or are already dining with friends of their own.
Since June this year, he has been able to count on Lunch Kaki to help him out on the friendship front. The app - which he uses two to three times a month - has helped him meet nearly 10 new people so far, many of whom he gets together with regularly.
The year-old, who is married, says: Also, because I am married, I don't want to use dating apps to try and meet new people, so Lunch Kaki was a happy medium.
Using the app has even indirectly benefited his business. A friend he met through the app introduced Mr Tanekura to his partner, who became his client.
He says of his Lunch Kaki experience: Plus, because so many people on the app work in the city, there's a high chance that I can meet someone new regularly and at my convenience. It's a win-win situation. We have been experiencing some problems with subscriber log-ins and apologise for the inconvenience caused. If you're having a social conversation, don't bring up business until you have received your drinks and ordered your meals. Then, when business talk commences, frame the conversation around your guest.
Ask about her business, what she's working on and where she needs help. This will give you a clear understanding of context and provide a natural segue into explaining how you and your company might be of assistance.
Sorry, Don Draper--if you're taking clients to lunch and your company is paying, you should probably skip the alcohol. But if your client wants to imbibe, let him order a drink. A good rule of thumb is to let your guests order first, so they're not inhibited by your choice. There is an art to handling the bill. You want to be graceful about it. When the check arrives, be nimble and reach for it swiftly--but keep looking your clients in the eye if they're speaking.
By all means, don't stare at the line items with anything like shock or horror. That said, if there's an error with the bill, excuse yourself to talk to the waiter separately without making your guest feel uncomfortable.
And when it's time to pay, act naturally:
Meals or coffee are a great way to build rapport with other people and since a way to do it as well as “the art of the ask” that avoids you looking like a rookie. Sure, they like to occasionally meeting good friends for lunch. Enter a clutch of friendship-seeking and community-building apps - Sup, and in relationships - who are just looking to make new friends. As we get older, it gets harder to find new friends. “You go to school, summer camp and play outside with the other kids in the neighborhood until dinner is ready. Invite work friends out for lunch, happy hour or over to watch the such as school, and Epstein says adults should look for similar scenarios.