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In a world where technology and social media seem to bring more of us together more of the time, recent research indicates that more of us are feeling lonely more of the time too. And I get it. Six years ago, I moved out of the city and away from a community of long-standing friends and neighbors. From a scenario in which I used to go out to work pretty much every day and got about on foot or public transport, now I work from home and go everywhere by car.
Not great for those bumping into people in the street moments that can give such rich social possibilities. Add to the mix that at the same time my husband changed jobs and is now often away for long periods of time, and you can start to understand just how life began to feel very solitary at times. And the more I ached for company, the more isolated I felt. The more isolated I felt, the less able I was to reach out. And the less I put myself out there, the worse it all was.
If you want to ditch your own Norma or Norman No Mates Status soon, here are some of my insights for you to riff off. We can feel lonely for lots of reasons. In my case it was a big change in my living arrangements, and unfamiliarity with how things worked in my new surroundings. You are not a bad person because you are feeling lonely.
Yet I think at times we allow loneliness to say something about our worthiness. I certainly confused the two for too long. But the truth is that being lonely is one thing. If you want to make friends , you have to make space for them. Energetically invite them into your life.
For me, making space meant stopping being so anal about work, and being prepared to trade time previously assigned to it with social time. It also meant allowing myself to drop the guilt of missing some of my self-imposed deadlines in favor of being more playful. But allow yourself to see just how often they keep you feeling lonely, as much as they keep you feeling safe.
Let yourself experiment, and notice how eventually you feel your life enriched by the connections that you yourself have created. Needy is never a great place from which to create anything—certainly not relationships of any kind. Take yourself on dates to the cinema, museum, coffee shop, and restaurants. Let yourself explore that new hiking route. Check in for an afternoon at the spa.
Then friendships become the icing on your cake because they truly are about connection and not about making you feel better about yourself. The Norma No Mates factor can cause us to be reticent about reaching out to others. Instead, we wait for them to come to us. If you feel inspired to reach out, do. Then listen to the feeling that forms between you. These are genuine connections. So, sure, keep surfing. But know when to put your device down in favor of making an in-the-flesh connection.
One of my happy innovations has been finding opportunities to meet social media friends in person. And then subsequently getting the best of both worlds.
While it has taken time and a shed load of vulnerability, I can honestly tell you that my new life finally feels a lot more social. The dark loneliness cloud has lifted. Listen to it with curiosity. Try some of the things here that worked for me, and wave Norma a happy goodbye. Boy sitting alone image via Shutterstock. Christine Livingston is a former topnotch business consultant who has made it her mission to create a great life on her terms.
Now she works with and writes for others, inspiring them to find the clarity and courage to do the same. This site is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal, or other professional advice.
Click to opt-out of Google Analytics tracking. Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's not about me. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. Click here to read more.
People sometimes deflect their feelings of social nakedness by making a joke of it. I was that person making a virtue out of watching DVD box sets of an evening. Feeling lonely is not a judgment. So, step one, separate them out. Create time and space for connection. That seems obvious, but it plays hard. Become your own best friend first. As you begin to reach beyond yourself, check out how needy you feel.
Even if it feels scary, dare to reach beyond yourself and make the first move. That will guide you on where to go from there. Learn the art of rejection. Seeing the truth of this was another big turning point for me. Beware the social media effect. Maybe you could try that too? My Life After Norma While it has taken time and a shed load of vulnerability, I can honestly tell you that my new life finally feels a lot more social.
About Christine Livingston Christine Livingston is a former topnotch business consultant who has made it her mission to create a great life on her terms. See a typo, an inaccuracy, or something offensive? Please contact us so we can fix it! Did you enjoy this post? Please share the wisdom: Get wisdom in your inbox Join the Tiny Buddha list for daily or weekly blog posts, exclusive content, and promotions.
The Only Way Out is Through. Disclaimer This site is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal, or other professional advice. Who Runs Tiny Buddha? Design by Joshua Denney.
Everything I need to do is overwhelmingly difficult because I too struggle with a chronic back problem. Hope you will maybe talk to me again. I enjoy reading and talking on phone to friends and going out as much as I am able. I hope we can speak again Ann. My husband left and lives with another woman. I seem to have so much in common with Debbie and you. It would be nice to speak.
My grown children moved out of state. Donna, not sure what you mean about trying to get out of here. Hi Ann Garrard and everyone! Hope you all are hanging in there. I too am very disabled from a orthopedic spine problem. It may be able to help with our back and many other problems with aging. So the anti aging may help children and the unborn. I would love to talk. My husband has a poor diagnosis and I am afraid I too will be alone soon.
I am 64 and struggle with back problems and a scoliosis also. I would like to meet someone and get married again but I find men do not want to marry again. Anyone have any ideas I live in WI…. Hi, I am 73 years old and am divorced after 28 years being marriage.
I lost a lot due to divorce and getting ripped off by contractors who were supposed to fix a home I purchased. He got most of our things. I am now living in the state I was divorced in, which is the same state we were married in. I left him and filed for divorce five years ago. I am now regretting the divorce. I have no family for friends here, I have only been back here for one month. I am so lonely I can hardly stand it.
I live in Henderson Nevada and need to find some sort of help. Maybe a good friend also. Anyone have any ideas? I am sure you had good reasons at the time. Being alone at an older age is hard well after a divorce it is hard at any age.
I think sometimes it is easier to look back at the relationship and try to gleam something good in it than to hope for the possibility of a good relationship in the future. Being an older women is not for the weak. With the ratio of women to men being uneven as we age I think we have the right to be concerned but not necessarily hopeless.
There is a site called Meetup. It is not a singles site but an interest site where people can get together and do things like movies, crafting whatever. There is not cost to sign up other than what the event might cost. They have groups all over the world. I go to a couple different groups. I have no one plus I never learned to drive so I go out once a month to get meds and food!
I am looking for friends to talk to and smile with I have not smiled in years. Ex with another woman. But with her work I get left far behind. I have serious back pain and frontal lobe brain atrophy. I am purely miserable. Hardly can go out much. Guess all I have is God. Hi, I am sorry for the loss of your husband. My mama never got a license until her hubby passed, she got car and licenses after And I see the jaws of life cutting me out of the car.
I need someone like you in my life! I need a friend! I have been divorced for many years. I have tried different dating sites, but nothing has worked out for me.
I have 2 children, but do not see them often — though they live in the state. I live on Long Island. Where in NY are you?
What do you say? Im on Long Island also, Im 63 and divorced now for 12 years. I hate living alone. I have 2 daughters and thats about it. Im at a point in my life where I feel stuck and dont know what to do. Im feeling depressed about everything in my life. If you want to meet up for lunch etc …. Im in Suffolk co. My husband left me and my mother was buried yesterday. I have never been so scared. Hello Maureen, I am 54 in phx az. My 1st time on this site or any site announcing the emptiness inside.
Has been over 18 years and I still wake myself up at night shouting for her. It took him back in today we did blood work some of the test will be back tomorrow. But I just had to get back with you but I was reading and saw that the cats and the dogs and turtle keep you going. Sue — Is your dog okay? I so hope so as I know I panic every time my little angel coughs or throws up or something. I pray your little friend is all right.
So funny about your huge tortoise!! I, too, have just my sweet dog and two funny guinea pigs for company and find they are more attentive to me than most people have ever been — unfortunate state of the world today! This I think is for Maureen. Writing to say I fear losing my husband and mother every day. We are all disabled to some extent, all in different ways. None of us are able to do much physical work. Mom is in good shape for her age, as she looks very young for her age she had a little cosmetic surgery many years ago , and drives a Ford Expedition, which takes some strength to get in and out of.
But any time, there could be bad news and I worry. We are all life-extensionists but we are not all that disciplined with the lifestyle. AND do far there is NO real anti-aging available! Maybe I will never need to because self driving vehicles may be available in a few years. Again, scared every day. My goal is to have a community home for life extensionists, which of course would be a very positive environment, or at least have extra positivism because everyone believes anything is possible nowadays with life extension.
I do not want to live alone because all my loved ones died off! My name is Nicole I live in Greenville S. I am 38 year old woman with a beautiful 3 year old daughter. I realize I am not a senior obviously but I too am very lonely. I am an only child with no real family or support system either only a young child who depends on me.
I am in a very bad marriage of 6 years. I have been a stay at home mom since she was born and I just recently went back to work part time. I was forced to leave home young and made my living in the restaurant industry so that is what I went back to.
I had planned on just sucking it up and staying with my husband despite his sexual dysfunction and emotional abuse. So that I could home school my child and educate with good Christian values and the idea of throwing her in public schools these days terrifies me I am sure being from your generation you can understand why. Unfortunately I now realize that to be impossible as I am married to a man who does not behave in a Christian way at all which I imagine will make it very hard to achieve that.
A few months ago I suffered a violent miscarriage that lasted for about 3 months. During that time my husband began cheating, drinking excessively, all while continuing to verbally and emotionally abuse me. Last night was the worst he tried to find his gun which I hid threating to kill himself while my child was scared and crying. At a minimum I could use someone to talk to.
In exchange I am looking for companionship, hopefully blooming into a surrogate mother daughter type of situation, and a home that is safe, calm, and godly to allow me and my daughter a safe haven while I find a way to support us without working 80 hours a week. I am saving up the money to get my real estate license but even after I get it will take me a year or two to become financially solvent enough for us to live alone.
I am not looking for a sitter for her I have that worked out. I just need a safe, secure, home environment for us both. Also I am not interested in dating or anything of the kind just raising my daughter so no worries of strange people coming around etc. Maybe we could chat and learn more about each other. Perhaps if we found we would be good companions we could help one another of a bad situation. We can then find a spot in the Park. If you decide to come, bring something to sit on, a beverage, and snack for yourself.
We can relax and just talk. Should it get too hot or rain, we can find a nearby alternate e. The more the merrier. First steps are always hard but they usually lead to great things!
All my best, Grace. If you get this, please let me know. If you have a group I would love to join!! Hi Grace, I am so happy to have found this website. If you have a group I would love to be a part of it. If you can, please let me know. You have to leave the house. Or else find someone to invite in. You really can make a small effort every day.
It requires you do something. I am also a widow — with no family, not a single cent to spend after paying the monthly bills gas is rationed here!
My company was separate and I had those insurances through it. After all, he had paid for those items also for a lifetime. We moved to a small town to rehab this home — cosmetic needs and now, rats, a roof — and months later, he was diagnosed. I shut down my business to take care of him at home. Whenhe died, I was left standing there alone and broke. And I discovered that socializing costs money. I scrounge for groceries.
I quit playing tennis. I quit a church bible study group. I could not afford them. I lived a life previously where I had plenty of money.. I keep sending it out. Not one bite …and I have to keep in mind the distance to drive as my vehicle is now aged. But those things I can handle. I do not know the prices of ambulances or hospitals but I know I cannot afford them at all.
Safety is on my mind. What if someting happens here at home and I need help? What if I need the care my husband needed? I had a flat tire not long ago. I ended up walking 6 miles to town. But…it was a wake-up call. Another time I had a problem with one eye and had to get to town 20 miles to get something for it. I could not close it. My other eye had bad sight; I used contact lense only on the other eye. I drove very slowly to town on gravel road, after calling two people to see if I could get help.
They were out of town. Two others…well, I was watering their plants as they were with family out of town. I was proud that I did it but again… a wake up call.
I have only hospitalization for Medicare. I really wish I knew of safety solutions…. I truly do not get bummed out at that. I just want it to be painfless and fast. I go weeks and months without using my voice or being with another human. I dream about it! But it is what it is. LIfe is now a matter of acceptance.
What would really comfort me though is knowing how to deal with safety issues — with no money to pay for the support others usually get to deal with such topics.
Anyone able to help with ideas? Safety if I have an illness and want to die rather than have treatment — and no rolling eyes. I am also very lonely, I am a young 73 and before I had my illness, M. I have bought myself a mobility scooter so that I can get out and about on good days.
As I write I am stopping myself from crying because I am lonely. They say, join a group! I would do anything to have a genuine friend who I could visit and vice versa. I too am 65 and am blessed to have some clients I now only consult.
My mom told me as she was waiting to die in rehab to not go that route. I think she gave me good advice because I am tired of reaching out to people who are to scared to have me over because they think I want their husbands Never did that in high school or any part of my life. My sig other and I were getting ready to get back together in May — he was very healthy and died suddenly. I miss his emails and the loss of reuniting with him is huge.
My mother is around the same age as you and would love to meet new people and make new friendships. She Too has some health issues but would love to meet someone she can speak to and meet up with etc. Debbie I am in your shoes and 61 with Chronic Immune Disorder and several other medical issues that complicate it.
Like you shopping is a big deal or just doing laundry. Getting to the shower some days is a big deal. Today I got up at 5pm after taking meds twice in bed, I finally was driven to get up because of pelvic pain from laying down. All this because I went out to do laundry yesterday, thats it. I am now facing being alone and living alone for the rest of my life with a progressing medical issues situation.
What do we do Sis? I never know what I am going to be able to make a show I have prepaid for or even shower some days until afternoon or later. God help us girl, God help us. I too am feeling very lonely and disconnected from everyone. I would like to have someone that I can talk with, laugh with and be supportive in the time of need. Charlene, I feel the exact same way. It hurts, it really does. Have no way of knowing what to do. If you have found a solution please let me know.
Andrea, I could have said the same thing you did — never, ever, did I think I would be this lonely. I love to have fun, laugh. So perhaps as you Bonny and I all feel the same , perhaps we could all become friends.
What do you think girls?? That lasted 25 years. Have three beautiful kids and four amazing grandchildren. Remarried someone I respected and trusted, He turned out to be a narcissist. That lasted 17 years. He left me on the day my son in law died from a brain tumor. He was having an affair with an old flame whose husband was in hospice dying from ALS. Two years after that divorce I started seeing someone I graduated high school with.
Turns out his married female best friend, 18 years younger, is more important than the loving, meaningful relationship I thought we had. I had a difficult time with him taking her to the movies, lunch and just hanging out.
So he left me after 2 years. He thought I was unreasonable. Thank you to anyone who reads this and can relate. How do I join this group? I need a lady around my age to live with me, do arts and crafts with, and someone who loves lots of tiny dogs to play with.
I live in FL. I never thought I would be this lonely and ignored by my children. And I thought I was the only one. If I could I would certainly do volunteer work but, alas, not to be. I am married, have 2 sons, who make courtesy phone calls. In fact, one lives 2 blocks from me with 4 little grandchildren I would dearly love to see.
Not to be — his wife wants no part of me and my son visits with the little ones every 2 weeks for 2 hours max and now he is moving away. I doubt I will ever see either of my sons again in this lifetime.
My husband who is in great shape with my encouragement has made friends and visits them often, passing at least 2 full days a week with them and when he is with me he spends entire days, from sun-up to sundown outside tinkering with all his toys. I feel discouraged, abandoned, lonely. I would volunteer or at least try but he demands that when he is here or is outside ignoring me that I be in the house.
I had a good career, I was busy, spent a lot of time with my elderly mother. I have no brothers or sisters and have lost all my friends along the way, partly because of the agonizing pain no one seems to even want to talk about — family, doctors….
And so I know how it feels. I have a lot more the say but no one to share it with. Maybe we could start chatting, learning about each other, and progress to a genuine friendship leading to more positive outlooks knowing their is 1 friend out there willing to talk of whatever and we could start putting some kind of positives in our lives, each leaning our each other to make us see out others or start doing things… who knows… maybe some day even meeting….
I reach out to you as you reach out. Who knows maybe there is some light out there. I wanted to kill myself yesterday but when I read your post I thought — there is someone out there in my very shows. We could try in each our own way to find happiness and rid ourselves of this loliness….. Maddy and all, I am glad you did not kill yourself, Maddy. Most experts are saying within 10 years, we will have greatly expanded life extension through medical control, so vast that it will seem as though we have no maximum lifespan!
My two girls have found their place in life,And my son,Who knows? Hi, my name is Andrea and I am in the same situation as many as you are.
I tried meet ups but that did not help me. I would just like to meet a friend that I can talk to, listen to and share a friendship. Hi Andrea My name is Paul.
I am 60 yrs old. I have 3 children. I was a single parent. My ex wife l eft then when my youngest daugher was 3 yrs old.
Now they are full grown and married. Or someone to chat with everyday. Sometimes it gets frustrating being all alone. There are Meet up groups for Seniors. I am in Sacramento, CA. I live in Manteca, CA sbout an hour or so from you. I am 67 years old. My 65 year old husband left me on May 9th to live with a year old woman he met on a dating site at the end of March. I am going through separation and will be filing for divorce hopefully soon so I can go on with my life.
I love dancing of all types. I in some way feel your pain. I absolutely hate this article with a strong passion. You are trying to justify a shocking number of 15m people not wanting to be married again as a statistic?
You have no underlying results, and the quantifiable analysis on the wide margin of an age group is bogus. You are rallying people without relationships, with short term relationships, mid term relationships, long term relationships, people with loved ones who passed away, and everything inbetween.
End results to all who read this, be happy, find what makes you happy, and pursue it as long as it is violent and make sure you treat everyone as you want to be treated, in a friendly manner.
Wow are you serious? That would be my dream come true! I would love to leave Georgia! I would not be able to get there because I have never driven a car at all and I will not get on a plane! My God bless you every day. Faith, belief, love of God my have answered my prayers!
What do you enjoy doing! Are you a Christian? My name is Rachel. Im 63 years young and refused to let a number to determine my feelings. Thanks for these open, honest comments. No children, lots of moving and unexpected traumatic events. Lived a very different kind of life. I am in the exact same boat. I have learned that a domestic partner was the way to go for me. Then, she passed almost 2 years ago. I think that my reason why no legal marriage had to do with my upbringing.
Our attachment style is formed early in our lives, between us and influential caregivers. I have no regrets exept the cancer part. Hi Sherry I am just the opposite have to many kids and would like to get away from them all.. So count yourself lucky. I to am lonely and looking for some friends my age to hang out with. I raised 3 of my own children and adopted 6 more so I have been busy raising them now they are grown and expect me to keep raising them the youngest is now 23 my oldest is Time for me to live my life.
My dear friend since high school always said we would travel when everyone grew up we are now 71 and she is still working. I live in northern Illinois and seriously thinking of selling my house and leaving the country..
I have my heart set on Nova Scotia I have not been there yet. But keep studying everything about it. I plan to go in June and check it out. Just want to talk go places but I have no money. I would just be glad to have someone to go to movies or out to eat. Wondering how your family compared to that family. We too are trying to sell our house and move South.
Sherry, I see your name a lot. Is this just a sounding board or how do you meet the people you are talking to and have so much in common to talk about? Andrea, I have lots of posts here because I really feel there is potential to make connections here, although it may be a sounding board for some.
Also I think it helps all of us because through this thread we see we have a lot of company when it comes to loneliness. Not easy to find real connections though. Not certain how this site works but can relate to most of you.
If anyone can advise I would appreciate it. Even the online sites for those without children have closed down. There are actually about six secured dating websites out there. So I am not really sure what you are viewing on line. I was on one forum just for people to connect online, friendship or not.
That one closed down soon after I joined and the other similar sites were also closed. If interested in this and other things, you can email me: Maybe we can help each other out with this new adventure! I live in Gainesville ga.
I am exactly in the same boat. People can say to each their own meaning that no one person would never be correct to direct any other adults actions. I have personally found that if one lives in a metropolitan area that it has more clubs more resources.
At the same time, it is all about companies spending their advertising to get the word out there. I have seen people in hospitals never having any visitors. Still, some people that become patients prefer it this way. And, am working on being pro active to improve my life in a relationship. Im 52 feeling the same way. Last man I was with was my husband 12 years ago. I want to share with someone. Male female just companionship.
It would be nice to have a conversation with you. I finally got married at 42 and that was just a waste of 10 years and a self-esteem killer in the end…. I moved to this little town because I could afford to buy here, at the time. And never fit in. I have some health issues but can still be active, usually. I used to be so bouncy and busy and productive. Everyone treats me like how they see me…. My friends are online now.
I love good, deep conversation, keeping informed in politics, world events, Christian beliefs. Better than nothing, keeps my mind busy….. I feel like I am stuck also Linda. The town I live in has no activities for seniors. My husband has been gone for 7 years now and I have been lonely that whole time. They have a huge camper but they never invite me to go camping with them. I would be so excited if I could just go with them one time.
This is true for a few reasons. First, and most obviously, when you know what kinds of friends you are looking for, you can choose to engage in activities that will give you an opportunity to meet new people of your choosing.
For example, are there political, religious, sports, social or other groups that you could reengage with? Second, taking the time to think about what friendship means to you will make it more likely that you will see opportunities to start conversations in more natural settings — at the supermarket, in the post office, or in the park.
Write your thoughts in a diary, if you have time. Friendship takes time, effort and advance planning. One of the easiest ways to find friendship after 60 is to reconnect with your old friends form high school, university or work. Sometimes the people that you find you have the most in common with may not be the people that you knew when you were younger.
You might be surprised that you have developed common interests with your old friends in the years after school. Or, you might find that an old friendship that lapsed due to distance can be picked up where it left off. For all you know, they might be in the same situation as you. So, send a short email or use Skype to stay in touch. Keep in mind that the first few connections will always be the hardest.
The more people you are able to connect with, the easier it will be to find other long-lost friends. People almost always like to stay connected — and you never know where a new contact will take you.
One of the fantastic things about being 60 is that we finally know what we want. We understand our values and know what we want to accomplish in our lives. This is one of the reasons that your passions, interests and skills can be such a great source of friends. What are you passionate about? Do you have a favorite hobby like gardening, chess, knitting, tennis, golf, writing, cooking or reading?
Do you have any special skills that other people might be interested in learning? Be open to connecting with people of all ages! Some of the strongest friendships that I have are with people decades younger than me. One of the ironies of social events is that everyone tends to think that they are the only one that is nervous to talk to others. As long as you are in a public place, the worst that can happen is someone might not be what you are looking for in a friend.
There are many fantastic men out there who would love to be friends with you. But, unlike when we were teenagers, you may need to take the initiative. Just smile and move on to the next friend. There is also nothing wrong with using online dating sites to find new friends.
Many single men and women over 60 are starting over and developing casual, relaxed relationships, without the pressure.
Maybe one of your new friendships will lead to something more romantic. Even if your friendship is totally platonic, it can still be a source of fun, fulfillment and companionship. If you are interested in finding a romantic partner, you may enjoy my interview with dating coach, Lisa Copeland. Finding new friends after 60 can definitely be a challenge. But, if you face your fears, define what you are looking for in a friendship, make the most of your own network and reach out to people who share your interests, there is no need to be lonely.
You deserve to have friendship in your life and I hope that you find people that make you truly happy! What do you think? Have you found it easier or harder to make friends after sixty? Leave a comment and let us know. In this episode of the Sixty and Me Show, I talk about life after 60 and the importance of friends for older women with Suzanne Braun Levine.
Finding friends is important at any age, and this is especially true for women over You will love her honest and sometimes irreverent talk about menopause, intimacy, dating and the mindset needed for reinvention in our 60s.
It was more difficult after being married in my 50s, but as I get older, it is becoming easier to find people to do things with and one does not need intimate friends or partners, although if you find them it is very nice. I never had but 1 or 2 friends so no different now. I have joined meet-up groups to socialize but none of them are friends.
I do fairly well with few friends. I am lucky in that regard. I have met some nasty people in these meet-up groups I have to admit. Sometimes better off being alone.
I have friends, but not close friends, I find it difficult to make new friends in Scotland. Saga group used to have a network groups in most areas who used to meet up at dinner,etc.. This was a good idea. Especially when you lose your spouse…then your friends and his family disappear.
I believe that people who remain working — if they love their work, of course — , have more opportunity to renew their circle of friends. Perhaps, for the first time in life, to those who have already retired, doing something that one truly LOVE! Iv made some fantastic new friends through Social Media.. I used to have quite alot of friends but due to retirement. Lifestyle changes, I find myself very lonely. So, I go to lunch and dinner and movies by myself and make the best of it by reading, dvds.
Easier or harder is not the only issue that I see in friendship after 60 or If you wait till these women want to start living, life will be over. I will be making some drastic changes in the fall.
Determined to change things around. You can only change yourself. I still work, I live in an apt bldg and always making new friends. Most definitely more now than in previous years. I Have tons of friends who are all at last years younger and we have a ball. I find it much easier to make friends. Many friends are younger. I meet many people through voluntary work and through laughter yoga. I have found it very hard as I cant just go up to people and start a conversation.
Got a few friends but no one whom I would call very close. I am very lucky to have a good friend who is 75 I am 63, you would never guess she was that age to look at her she is so active. We share the same wacky sense of humour which is great. I lost my husband of 31years three years ago and my friend was such a good support to me and has been ever since, I went through a very dark patch after he went and she was there for me if I needed to cry or just to sit I knew I could always rely on her for support and still can.
Our only child a daughter gave birth to our first grandchild the day after he died, so it was a very emotional time for all of us. It takes nerve to serve! The more isolated I felt, the less able I was to reach out. And the less I put myself out there, the worse it all was. If you want to ditch your own Norma or Norman No Mates Status soon, here are some of my insights for you to riff off. We can feel lonely for lots of reasons. In my case it was a big change in my living arrangements, and unfamiliarity with how things worked in my new surroundings.
You are not a bad person because you are feeling lonely. Yet I think at times we allow loneliness to say something about our worthiness. I certainly confused the two for too long.
But the truth is that being lonely is one thing. If you want to make friends , you have to make space for them. Energetically invite them into your life. For me, making space meant stopping being so anal about work, and being prepared to trade time previously assigned to it with social time.
It also meant allowing myself to drop the guilt of missing some of my self-imposed deadlines in favor of being more playful. But allow yourself to see just how often they keep you feeling lonely, as much as they keep you feeling safe. Let yourself experiment, and notice how eventually you feel your life enriched by the connections that you yourself have created.
Needy is never a great place from which to create anything—certainly not relationships of any kind. Take yourself on dates to the cinema, museum, coffee shop, and restaurants. Let yourself explore that new hiking route. Check in for an afternoon at the spa. Then friendships become the icing on your cake because they truly are about connection and not about making you feel better about yourself.
The Norma No Mates factor can cause us to be reticent about reaching out to others. Instead, we wait for them to come to us. If you feel inspired to reach out, do. Then listen to the feeling that forms between you. These are genuine connections.
One of my oldest friends got married at 21 and is still happily married. I remember It does compound the feeling of loneliness. I was in My Fair Lady once and the lead guy had the most beautiful voice. Maybe it's because they need to. At 19, I fell in love with a girl, but our relationship was platonic. There are millions of wonderful people in the world who want more friends, people just like you. . Maybe one of your new friendships will lead to something more romantic. Even if your friendship is totally platonic, it can still be a source of fun, My friends are since I was young, I find a bit hard to make new friends now. We do have real female friends with whom we share the most platonic to them, and then proceed to hang around, claiming to be your platonic friend while . and he doesn't want a platonic relationship, at least not now (and maybe never). .. What can we do when we feel lonely and we have no one around to care for us?.