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Am I a Lesbian?

Women with women at a table are hard to see and by table here I am referring to the mechanisms of social gathering, a table is what we are assembled around. For a gathering to be complete a man is the head. A table of women: Male privilege is not simply about being seen but being seen to , having your needs attended to. This is why I describe privilege as an energy saving device: I will return to willful lesbian arms in my conclusion. You turn up at a hotel with your girlfriend and you say you have booked a room.

A hesitation can speak volumes. This reservation says your booking is for a double bed, is that right madam? Eyebrows are raised; a glance slides over the two of you, catching enough detail. Are you, sure madam? You have to say it, again; you have to say it, again, firmly. Some have to insist on what is given to others. In previous work I have offered a formula:. When you are known as a feminist, you do not even have to say anything before eyes roll.

The raising of eyebrows: Really, are you sure? This happens again and again; you almost come to expect it, the necessity of being firm just to receive what you have requested. One time after a querying, are you sure madam, are you sure, madam, you enter the room; twin beds. Do you go down; do you try again?

It can be trying. Sometimes it is too much, and you pull your two little beds together; you find other ways of huddling. Questions follow you, wherever you go. For some to be is to be in question.

Is that your sister or your husband? There are many ways of being made into strangers, bodies out of place. Some of these questions dislodge you from a body that you yourself feel you reside in. Once you have been asked these questions, you might wait for them. Waiting to be dislodged changes your relation to the lodge.

It can be exhausting this constant demand to explain yourself. A desire for a more normal life does not necessary mean identification with norms, but can be simply this: A history can become concrete through the repetition of such encounters, encounters that require you to put the whole of your body, as well as your arms, behind an action.

Maybe these actions seem small. Maybe they are small. But they accumulate over time. They feel like a hammering, a chip, chip, chip, against your being, so that eventually you begin to feel smaller, hammering as hammered down. Actions that seem small can also become wall.

An ordinary is what we might be missing when we feel that chip, chip. An ordinary can be what we need to survive that chip, chip. Susan Griffin remembers a scene for us, a scene that has yet to happen:. I remember a scene … This from a film I want to see. It is a film made by a woman about two women who live together. This is a scene from their daily lives. It is a film about the small daily transformations which women experience, allow, tend to, and which have been invisible in this male culture.

In this film, two women touch. In all ways possible they show knowledge of. What they have lived through and what they will yet do, and one sees in their movements how they have survived. I am certain that one day this film will exist cited by Becker, Citron, Lesage and Rich It is a touching scene. Sometimes you have to battle for an ordinary. When you have to battle for an ordinary, when battling becomes ordinary, the ordinary can be what you lose.

A masculinist model of creativity is premised on withdrawal. She is there, there she is: We can follow Adrienne Rich who makes this starting point into an instruction: Lesbian feminism is materialist right from the beginning. If women are expected to be here, in matter, in materiality, in work, at work, this is where lesbian feminism begins. We begin in the lodge where we are lodged. We begin with the lodge when we are dislodged. A poignant lesbian scene of ordinary life is provided by the first of the three films that make up, If These Walls Could Talk 2.

We begin with that ordinary: The quietness of intimacy: Yes maybe there are comments made by some kids on the street, but they are used to it: If the walls could talk, they would tell their story, photographs cover the walls, photographs not only of each other, of their friends, but of lesbian and gay marches, demonstrations. A wall can be how we display a lesbian feminist history. We are in the hospital waiting room. Edith is waiting to hear how Abby is.

To be recognised as having a heart is to be recognised as the one who is broken. With such recognition, comes care, comfort, support.

And so Edith waits. You are left alone in your grief. Heterosexuality could be described as an elaborate support system. Support is how much you have to fall back on when you fall. To leave heterosexuality can be to leave those institutional forms of protecting, cherishing, holding. You have less to fall back on when you fall. When things break a whole life can unravel. When family is not there to prop you up, when you disappear from family life, you had to find other ways of being supported.

When you disappear from family life: You go home, you go back home and it feels like you are watching yourself disappear: No one has willed or intended your disappearance. Just slowly, just slowly, as talk of family, of heterosexuality as the future, of lives that you do not live, just slowly, just slowly, you disappear. They welcome you, they are kind, you are the lesbian aunties from London, say, but it is harder and harder to breath.

And then when you leave you might go and find a lesbian bar or queer space; it can be such a relief. You feel like a toe, liberated from a cramped shoe. And we need to think about that: So much invention comes from the necessity of creating our own support systems.

Note here the significance of fragility to this history: We after all have willingly left the apparently safer paths, the more brightly lit paths of heterosexuality. What did you expect, dear: Feminists are often assumed to cause their own damage, as if she, rather like a broken pot, flies out of hand.

There are many ways of telling the story of the struggle for recognition because there are many stories to tell. The struggle for recognition can be about having access to a good life. It can be about wanting inclusion in the structures that have been oppressive, wanting inclusion in the very structures that remain predicated on this dispossession of others.

The struggle for recognition can also come from the experience of what is unbearable, what cannot be endured, when you lose your bearings, becoming unhoused. The struggle for recognition can be a struggle for an ordinary life, an ordinary that is more far more precious than property; indeed an ordinary as what is negated when things become property, when things become alienable things.

We learn this from If these Walls Could Talk 2: A family possession is a dispossession. Perhaps a lesbian feminist struggle for recognition comes out of rage against the injustice of how some dwell by the dispossession of others. We want the walls to come down. Or, if they stay up, we want the walls to talk, to tell this story. A story too can shatter: We dwell, we tell. In this first part of this lecture I noted how actions that are small can also become wall.

Lesbian feminism might also involve small actions. Maybe the chip, chip, chip of hammering can be transformed into a hammer: Chip, chip, chip, who knows, eventually it might come right off. To persist in chipping at the blocks of hetero-patriarchy, we have to become willful. I want to think of lesbian feminism as a willfulness archive, a living and a lively archive made up and made out our own experiences of struggling against what we come up against.

Let me share with you a typical definition of willfulness: Is this familiar to you? Have you heard this before? Lesbian, feminist and anti-racist histories can be thought of as histories of those who are willing to be willful, who are willing to turn a diagnosis into an act of self-description. Julia Penelope describes lesbianism as willfulness: What willfulness we posses when we claim our lives! Together these statements can be heard as claims to willfulness: Willfulness is usually a charge made by someone against someone.

To accept a charge is not simply to agree with it. Acceptance can mean being willing to receive. A charge can also be thought of as electricity. The language can be our lead: Willfulness can be a spark. We can be lit up by it. It is an electric thought. We can distinguish here between willfulness assumed as behind an action, and willfulness required to complete an action. Sometimes to stand up you have to stand firm.

Sometimes to hold on you must become stubborn. Remember my example of going the wrong way in the crowd? You have to become insistent to go against the flow and you are judged to be going against the flow because you are insistent. I think of this as a life paradox: You might have to become what you are judged as being to survive what you are judged as being. We are often judged as willful when we are not willing; not willing to go with the flow, not willing to go.

To become lesbian might require not being willing women ; lesbians as willful women. Remember woman becomes from the conjunction of wif and man: To be a lesbian is to stray away from the path you are supposed to follow if you are to reach the right destination. To stray is to deviate from the path of happiness. So if lesbians are women, if we wrestle woman away from this history of women as being for men, we are willful women. Willfulness as a style of politics might involve not only being willing not to go with the flow, but being willing to cause its obstruction.

Political histories of striking are indeed histories of those willing to put their bodies in the way, to turn their bodies into blockage points that stop the flow of human traffic, as well as the wider flow of an economy. Willfulness might seem here to be about an individual, the one who has to become willful just to keep going, although we see how a strike only works when it becomes collective, when others too are lit up by that spark.

We might think of characters like Molly Bolt from Ruby Fruit Jungle as part of our willfulness archive: As a lesbian feminist reader it is was characters like Molly Bolt with a spring in their step that picked me up; feisty characters whose vitality is not at the expense of their lesbian desire, but is how their desire rooms across the pages. If we think of lesbian feminism as a willfulness archive we are not simply directing our attention to characters such as Molly Bolt, however appealing.

A willfulness archive would derive as much from our struggle to write ourselves into existence, as from who appears in what we write. A book, a survival strategy, comes alive, acquires a life of its own, a will of its own, a willful will; history by the bone, own but not alone.

Words are sent out: Words can pulse with life; words as flesh, leaking; words as heart, beating. Lesbian feminism of colour: Where does she take me?

Not white, lesbian out of not; here she comes. I think of a brown history, a mixed-history as a lesbian history, another way in which we can tell a history of women being in relation to women. I think of my own history, as a mixed lesbian, with so many sides, all over the place.

I think of all that lesbian potential, as coming from somewhere. Brownness has a lesbian history; because there are brown lesbians in history, whether or not you could see us, whether or not you knew where to find us. As Camel Gupta has noted it is sometimes assumed as brown queers and trans folk that we are rescued from our unhappy brown families by happy white queer communities; but not, what if not, what if not; what if brownness is what rescues us from the white line, the line takes us in a direction that asks us to give up part of ourselves?

Lesbian feminism of colour is a lifeline made up out of willful books that insist on their own creation. Books are themselves are material, paper, pen, ink, blood, the sweat of the labour to bring something into existence. Words come out of us. Audre Lorde spoke of herself as a writer when she was dying.

She goes out, she makes something. I warmed by the thought. We build our own buildings when the world does not accommodate our desires. When you are blocked, when your very existence is prohibited or viewed with general suspicion or even just raised eyebrows yes they are pedagogy , you have to come up with your own systems for getting things through.

You might even have to come up with your own system for getting yourself through. To stand against what is we have to make room for what is not. Lesbian feminist world-making is nothing extraordinary; it is quite ordinary. We might think of the work of making room as wiggling, a corporeal willfulness. Remember that toe, liberated from its cramped shoe. She does not toe the line. Lesbians as lesbians well know have quite a wiggle; you have to wiggle to make room in a cramped space.

We can be warmed by the work required to be together even if sometimes we wish it was less work. To recall the vitality of lesbian feminism as a resource of the present is to remember that effort required for our shelters to be built. When we have to shelter from the harshness of a world we build a shelter. I think of lesbian feminism as willful carpentry: What we build to survive what we come against, the very materials, are how values materialise or are given expression. How easily though without foundations, without a stable ground, the walls can come down.

We keep them up by keeping up with each other. A fragile shelter, a looser shelter: It is a movement. We might recognise this fragility not so much as what we might lose, or will lose, but as a quality of what we have: There are other ways to survive.

Lesbian feminism is another way to survive. You need to take the necessary precautions to stay safe and happy. Use condoms or dental dams when using sex toys to prevent sharing fluid. Know that certain STIs, like herpes, can be transmitted through skin to skin contact. Decide for yourself if you are ready to come out. It is not necessary to disclose your sexual orientation if you do not want to do so.

Tell only the people you want to tell, on your own terms. It is your life and being forward and honest about your sexuality is a personal choice.

You do not have to tell everyone at once, nor should you. If you are confident in yourself and your sexuality, this will become much easier. It is totally normal to feel scared, exhilarated, anxious, or even confused when coming out to someone. Know the pros and cons of coming out. Unfortunately, unlike straight people, you will eventually have to choose between telling people and not telling them. This decision will make you stronger and more empowered by your sexuality, but it is still a difficult decision to make.

Some pros and cons include: Living an open and honest life, without feeling like you have a secret. Show friends and family that it is okay and amazing to live with a lesbian friend and family member. Some people may react with confusion or even anger.

Permanently alter some relationships, though often for the better. Potential for harassment, bullying, or distance from family, friends, and acquaintances.

Find a quiet, comfortable time alone with someone to break the news. You may want to tell your whole family at once, or individually. Either way, you should choose a time when everyone is relaxed and calm, not right after a fight or during a stressful evening. This will help you feel comfortable and in control of the conversation.

Start by talking to the friends and family members you know will support you. Having this support system is crucial for feeling secure. You can try tentatively introducing the idea to them before telling them if you're very unsure of how they will react.

Try watching a movie or show related to lesbian issues and see how they react. If they seem hostile or aren't respectful, take some time and think of another way to bring up the topic.

Have someone else with you for support, like a mutual friend or family member, to help them see your side of things. When you tell them, be sure to explain your feelings in terms they can understand, especially if you know it's a difficult topic for them. Just be honest, clear, and to the point. Help them identify with you and your sexuality, letting them know how this decision has made you much happier.

Be clear and direct when talking to them. Tell them that this is who you are. You came to them because you trust them and want their support. Enlist them to help you as you tell others and support your new lifestyle. If you seem nervous, upset, or anxious, they will feel the same way. Be confident and assertive about yourself. Let them ask you some questions. Having questions is normal.

Don't be offended if they have questions and don't try too hard to avoid questions. Don't get upset if the questions are offensive, as any offense usually comes from a place of confusion and curiosity, not anger. This may be a new topic for people. They likely have a limited view of things until you help them see more.

Be sure to ask if they have any questions and answer them gracefully. This lets them feel like they are part of the conversation. It also eases the shock of a sudden announcement. Be persistent, and yourself, if they have any holdups. Many people will unlearn the dangerous stereotypes and myths they have about lesbians once they know one.

It took you some time to accept your sexuality. It will also take some time for some people to change their view of you and of homosexuality.

While you shouldn't take abuse, you should be there for them and keep on being your normal, kind self. In time, most people will turn around. Many people, however, react with happiness, honor to feel trusted, and acceptance. Never assume you know exactly how someone will respond. There's not really any definite way to tell, but there are some pretty good tips in this article: Not Helpful 2 Helpful I religiously can't be lesbian but sometimes I just really want to like make out with a girl or be bisexual.

What do I do? It'll be up to you to figure out whether you are gay or bisexual; are you attracted to people besides women? It may be time to examine other sects of your religion that are more open-minded about sexuality, and what various people of your religion feel.

You shouldn't have to choose between religion and sexuality. Not Helpful 12 Helpful That depends on what any particular girl wants. You shouldn't change yourself, but instead see if she takes interest. Not Helpful 5 Helpful What should I do if I want to confess to a girl that I like her, but I don't know how she feels about me? If the girl already knows about your sexuality, and is comfortable with it, you can try telling her how you feel about her.

If she doesn't know your sexuality, consider coming out to her first. If she is okay with the fact that you are a lesbian, you can confess your feelings to her.

Not Helpful 9 Helpful Absolutely, rarely do bisexual people feel romantic toward both genders equally. My friends tell me I don't "act" lesbian, and I should if I want other lesbians to notice me. Is there a certain way I should "act" to seem lesbian? No, there isn't a certain way to "act" to seem lesbian. Just be yourself, you don't have to behave in a particular way in order to advertise your sexual preferences, it's your choice to let people know.

Not Helpful 6 Helpful Everyone has their own way of "acting"--their own speech patterns, mannerisms, views and opinions, and so on. Simply be yourself, and never try to be someone you're not. People know when someone isn't genuine. Not Helpful 1 Helpful There is nothing wrong with being nervous; everyone has gone through it at one point or another, especially when talking to the people they like.

Consider talking about something that you are familiar with, such as a hobby or interest. You can also ask her questions and let her do all the talking. Lastly, try not to think about what their opinion of you might be. You could actually have a lesbian friend already, for all you know! Not Helpful 4 Helpful I like having sex with men, but I only want to pursue a relationship with women.

Am I a lesbian? From what you have just admitted, I would think that you're bisexual, since you're attracted to both men and women. You can be sexually attracted to both sexes while still only wanting to pursue one romantically.

Not Helpful 0 Helpful 8. Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered. Already answered Not a question Bad question Other. Tips Being a lesbian is like being any other type of person. Don't think you're weird or abnormal. If you meet a guy and he hits on you, you can turn him down politely even if you don't want to say you're lesbian. Just say you're not ready or that you're not looking for guys.

Other people didn't have to come out as straight so if you come home with a girl, people will figure it out. Warnings Refrain from using alcohol or mind-altering drugs when experimenting sexually. If using a substance is the only way you feel comfortable in your lesbian relationships, you need to stop and take a hard, sober look at your sexuality and preferences.

Be aware that not everyone may accept your lifestyle. Be prepared for comments that may offend you. Not everyone will like everything you do. Take this bit of knowledge and carry it with you. Archives of General Psychiatry 48 LGBT In other languages: Did this article help you?

Cookies make wikiHow better. By continuing to use our site, you agree to our cookie policy. TD Trish Durelo Jun A Anonymous May It helped me develop courage to come out.

A study of human sexuality in the s determined that most people have some degree of attraction to both sexes. The generally accepted figure is that ten percent of the population is gay or lesbian. This menu's updates are based on your activity. The data is only saved locally (on your computer) and never transferred to us. You can click these links to . Sep 21,  · How to Be a Lesbian. Four Methods: Recognizing your Sexuality Finding a Queer Community Dating And Sex With Other Women Coming Out Community Q&A Learning how to navigate relationships and sexuality is hard enough when your desires are part of the mainstream, heteronormative culture%().