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We urge you to turn off your ad blocker for The Telegraph website so that you can continue to access our quality content in the future. Visit our adblocking instructions page. Home News Sport Business. In an ideal world, all MPs would have second jobs Daniel Hannan. All totalitarian ideologies are collectivist Daniel Hannan. The EU claims to be more popular than ever, but it is being slowly destroyed by populism Matthew Goodwin.
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Smoove , a rogue educational show puppet, from executing his diabolical plan of manipulating children on national television. After Cream Corn saves young Michael Jackson voiced by Tae Brooks from an assassination attempt while not helping Black Dynamite and the gang fight a troupe of black ninjas , he and the pint-sized pop star become good friends. However, once Michael gets on Black Dynamite's nerves, Cream Corn leaves, only to be subjected to the physical abuse of Jackson, who they all discover is actually an alien trying to take over the world.
Black Dynamite has Bullhorn go undercover in the porn industry as the smooth talking rhyming "Sweet Throat" to investigate a string of murders involving black porn stars. They soon uncover a scheme to stop the world's first interracial porno, but Bullhorn finds the life of celebrity too appealing to help them.
When Black Dynamite discovers he's unliked during Christmas, he discovers that he has to make himself more likeable by emulating the one man who he hates most for stealing his thunder: Simpson voiced by Aries Spears.
After fighting what he believes to be an attempt to poison all black people, Black Dynamite comes down with the flu on the weekend of the annual Player's Ball, a party for pimps which this year is taking the form of a costume party on a cross-country train.
However, Leroy Van Nuys voiced by Snoop Dogg hijacks the train in his attempt to take revenge on pimp-kind. With the help of the spirit of Sun Tzu voiced by Christopher "Kid" Reid , Black Dynamite must fight the flu and a horde of Isaac Washington robots to save his friends and pimps from all over the world. President Nixon voiced by Jonathan Kite tries to destroy Black Dynamite by flooding the Black Community with cheap drugs, turning everyone into junkies, but fails and the Black Community flourishes to the White Community.
To get his way, Nixon sends in Elvis Presley also voiced by Kite to take charge, but even The King realizes he has been wrong. In a parody of Weekend at Bernie's , Elvis apparently dies of natural causes and Black Dynamite and the gang must get him back to Graceland before his death can be blamed on anyone and everyone, in the black community. Black Dynamite and the gang are assigned by the CIA to go to Vietnam to stop his former comrade Laurence Tureaud voiced by Aries Spears from restarting the Vietnam War , but his flashbacks from the war nearly kill his friends.
Black Dynamite, Bullhorn and Cream Corn brings Honey Bee to the circus to appreciate her a bit more, but in a parody of King Kong , a giant white gorilla falls in love with Honey Bee and abducts her.
Black Dynamite represents the Black Community in a multiracial cross-country race and is reunited with his former talking car " Eartha K. Wu's diabolical schemes of world domination. Smoove , enacts his revenge plan on Black Dynamite for killing his daddy on national television. Meanwhile, Black Dynamite finally finds his long-lost father voiced by Clifton Powell and struggles to rebuild their relationship. When ROOTS the miniseries hits the air and the Black Community finally sees just how bad slavery was, Al Sharpton voiced by Godfrey whips everyone into a reparation frenzy and they storm Beverly Hills and Beverly Hills Adjacent for the big payback on black slavery by enslaving every white honky cracker they can find!
But Black Dynamite sees that since you can't even keep white slaves alive without caviar and arugula, being slave masters is actually bringing the Black Community down. Is Black Dynamite actually going to fight for the White Man's freedom?
A soul food-eating contest gets everyone in the Black Community down to the summer's biggest funkiest most blackest beach party ever called Blaqua Party. But the party already jumped the shark when a giant shark jumps out and starts eating black people!
Captain Quinton voiced by Samuel L. All Black Dynamite has to do is swim out there and kill that shark, but wait, what? Black Dynamite can't swim? Oh, crap, this might be a real problem! Everything's gay as in happy and gay as in gay until Rip Tayles voiced by John DiMaggio is assassinated in front of everyone! The unseen shooter frames Black Dynamite and the Crew, and now they're on a run for their lives , trying to clear their name, pursued by every gay gang south of West Hollywood!
The hoes party to their heart's content, and a disinterested Honey Bee gets her groove back when she meets the one and only Bob Marley! Back at the Whorephanage, all the sex-starved johns turn into horny zombies trying to hump their way into the building, but Honey Bee couldn't care less, she's not coming home! Bob Marley voiced by Chance The Rapper could be her happily ever after if not for all these assassins with machine guns constantly trying to kill them!
Desperate for positive black images, Bill Cosby kidnaps the entire all-star cast and tries to brainwash them into besweatered, upstanding representatives of the black race! While Bullhorn, Cream Corn, and Honey Bee fill-in for the talent and try to keep the film afloat, Black Dynamite must track down the pudding-pop-pusher himself and save all of black film history! Now, you'd think that Fred Rogers was never a trained Special Forces killer and that he would definitely not kidnap all the Orphans in a deranged attempt to protect them from evil TV executives and that's exactly what doesn't not happen!
With the cops outgunned and the Orphans behind guerrilla defenses, it's up to Black Dynamite to invade that neighborhood and face off with Mister Rogers himself! Cream Corn is excited as hell at getting a chance to dance on Soooooooul Train , the hippest trip in America, but Black Dynamite knows the truth that the music game is a vicious battle to-the-death between the Godfather Don Cornelius voiced by Kevin Michael Richardson and murderous Dick Clark of American Bandstand voiced by Eric Bauza.
Cream Corn becomes a Soul Train dancer and Don Cornelius' old muscle Black Dynamite sees that just when he thought he was out…they pull him back in. Child Services is finally on to the Whorephanage and slaps them with a shutdown notice! But it's okay, because rich white Mr. Phil Drummond and his rich white friends all voiced by Corey Burton adopt all the orphans at once and whisk them off to a luxury high-rise in the sky.
Just as Black Dynamite comes to terms with no longer having the Orphans around, he learns that luxury skyscraper is actually a deathmatch arena where the Orphans fight each other to the death for food! He's got to put an end to these Hunger Pang Games , no matter how popular they are! In this hour-long musical finale episode, Black Dynamite's one day off couldn't be more work—everyone needs his help AND a riot blows up.
A brick to the head sends BD hallucinating into the Magical Land of Oz-Watts , a trippy technicolor world where…everyone needs his help! From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia. Keith Crofford Walter Newman. Archived from the original on December 5, One thing lead to another, and pretty soon Nell Gwynn was a regular attendee of the king's court by "court," we mean his penis.
Unfortunately for Nell, King Charles was a bit of a player. At the time the two met, the king had a wife, a mistress and a string of former and aspiring mistresses all vying for his attention.
Nell was clever, though, and by a combination of wit, charm and poisoning her rivals with laxatives, she managed to become the king's most beloved concubine. Nell Gwynn never denied her past, nor did she seem the least bit guilty over it. At one point, a fight broke out when one of her detractors screamed that she was a whore. Nell broke the fight up in short order by saying, "I am a whore. Find something else to fight about. This wasn't the first time Nell had admitted her ho'ness in front of a massive crowd of strangers.
Another time, a large crowd mistook her for a rival mistress, the Duchess of Portsmouth, and began to shout at her carriage, calling her a Catholic whore along with a laundry list of funny-sounding British insults that no one born in a sane country could understand. Nell stuck her head out of the carriage and corrected the mistaken commoners, "Good people, you are mistaken.
I am the Protestant whore. This mixture of wit and bigotry won the crowd over, and lead to her becoming the only one of King Charles's many mistresses to become popular with the mob. Nell was a shrewd woman, and she used her favor with the king and the people of England to secure her son a dukedom, and convince Charles to approve the construction of a Royal Hospital for ex-servicemen in the city of London, one of the precursors to our modern VA Hospitals.
Thanks, terrifying ceramic version of Nell with an amazing rack! So, yeah, keep that in mind the next time you're congratulating yourself for never having touched a man's wiener for money.
Georgina was born George Bertrand. When he began to work as a transsexual prostitute as a young adult, he began going by the name Georgina Beyer incidentally, "Georgina Beyer" wins our prestigious, "Least Creative Name for a Transvestite Hooker Award". Whoregina Beyer would have been much more creative.
Georgina quickly fell in with a bad crowd. She started stripping at nightclubs across Sydney, and whoring on the side for extra cash. She soon ended up in the King's Cross neighborhood, a rough area where terrible things tended to happen. Georgina was accosted and raped by four unnamed men.
After the attack, Georgina left Australia for New Zealand, in one stroke overcoming her trauma and reducing her likelihood of being killed by one of the 14, species of poisonous animals that call land down under home. In , Georgina underwent a sex change. She began to work heavily as an actress, and then as a radio host. Finally, in the early 90s, she got into local politics.
She became the world's first transgendered mayor in , a feat which was only eclipsed by her surprise election to the New Zealand Parliament a parliament is like congress, but with substantially less cane fighting. Georgina spent eight terms as the world's first transgendered MP and retired in She is still an active force in the fight for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered rights worldwide.
And if in her spare time she takes to the streets to hunt down her attackers, perhaps with a huge Australian knife up her sleeve History remembers Theodora as the wife and co-ruler of the great Justinian, the most lauded ruler of the Eastern Roman Empire.
But Theodora wasn't born an Empress. When her father died, Theodora, her mother and her two sisters were rendered destitute. Desperate for money, Theo's mother sent her three daughters off to work "in the theater. Theo took to harlotry like a duck takes to water. She couldn't sing or dance or play an instrument so, to make up for it, she became the most promiscuous courtesan Constantinople had ever seen.
The historian, Procopius, said that she "gave her youth to anyone she met, in utter abandonment. The Empress, after retiring from her career in fornication management.
Often she would go picnicking with 10 young men or more, in the flower of their strength and virility, and dallied with them all, the whole night through. When they wearied of the sport, she would approach their servants, perhaps 30 in number, and fight a duel with each of these; and even thus found no allayment of her craving.
She made love to 10 virile men until they passed out, then she played crotch-soccer with all 30 of their slaves. Once, visiting the house of an illustrious gentleman, they say she mounted the projecting corner of her dining couch, pulled up the front of her dress, without a blush, and thus carelessly showed her wantonness. Real people got tired too easily, so she played pelvic pinochle with the couch instead.
And though she flung wide three gates to the ambassadors of Cupid, she lamented that nature had not similarly unlocked the straits of her bosom, that she might there have contrived a further welcome to his emissaries. At the same time. And that fountain, too. Eventually Theo found a John that she wanted to take home for more than one night. Fortunately for her, that John was the Emperor Justinian. Theodora became his valued co-ruler and was, by all accounts, an equal partner in the ruling of the Empire.
During her years at the top, the scarlet-woman-turned-Empress cracked down on forced prostitution, made rape punishable by death and helped establish basic property rights for women across the Eastern Empire. Despite her lofty status, Theodora never forgot her humble roots.
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