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More now for company and talking to get to know each other. To avoid spam reply should start with Dear Bob and have no attachments or it will be deleated. I wanna write online via AIM and YIM and see whether or not we click personally, and then maybe we can meet. I'm looking for somebody to go to southside or somewhere to bars or clubbing and have some fun. But was still open to your ideas and wants too. YesDaddy is going to eat you.
This is not okay. Still, I get questions from you guys saying that your boyfriend makes nasty comments to you, or that he puts you down when you need him to lift you up.
Have you ever dated someone who was mean to you? How did you deal with it? Does your BF ever say or do mean things? Tell me in the comments. I feel so sad and hurt inside. Before he would treasure me; perhaps it was because it was only the start. Now we get into fights everyday. He gets upset when I take a long time to text back.
He makes little remarks he may not realize hurts me. Whenever any of those times happen; he says he will change. He gets assertive sometimes and pushes me. At times into things on accident but I am a bit stubborn. He has some things for some girls and secretly talks to them. Problems arise over nothing and it hurts me. Nothing I say is right and he begins to get very abusive. That I deserve to be molested by my dad when I was a kid. Saying all this with a smile. Before leaving he shoved me and told me hey my mom killed herself.
I was in shock. A few minutes later I heard him snoring. This person sounds very disturbed. He must be in order to say something like that to you.
It sounds like an early sign of domestic violence too. Shoving you is way out of line. I realise this was posted a year ago, I hope that it has not escalated and that you have found your way out of the situation. At first lovey dove n now he tends to be mean to her. They were ment to meet up but hours later no show. She blamed herself for going! He has put her down a lot by name calling but also has been messaging another girl secretly.
But for some reason they are still together! I know they are young but I feel my daughter does not need to be treated like shit! How do I help her deal with an idiot of a boyfriend. He is her first love. Then she puts the blame on herself like she was in the wrong, when it is him! Feels like I am loosing my once happy, bubbly, kind daughter. But again shes still with him! She just needs to meet a cute guy that makes her happy and treats her good then this current bf will be a thing of the past try building her self estem by taking her for a lil make over hairdresser make a new outfit or 2 might make her feel more confitdent and beautiful to talk to some other boys if you talk to her gfs see if they can help you get her moving on ask them what they think about y shes staying with him and what they think about the situation u might find somthing out u can use to help her also if u thing hes cheating on her she may just need to flat out see it to belive it theres not much u can do about that expect encourage her to find out its obvious hes cheating going to that party and not wanting her there is his way of keeping her while trolling for other girl mabey explain that to her he cant have her at home and act single good luck.
Idk what should I do? Am I over reacting? What should I do? I later found out thAt he lost one of his jobs and then the money went down but I still ask for things but when j do he gets mad with me and starts saying smart things then we get into an argument and he always says reallyyy mean things to me when we are.
But we talked through things and eventually everything was good for a while. But recently hes been questioning my love and i dont know why. He wont tell me. And I dont know ehat to do to make him feel loved. He told me to figure it out. I dont have money so i tried making him something but it didnt seem to mean much. And i was going to learn a song on piano for,him, but he told me in the past that something similar simil that was a stupid idea.
When he gets mad at me he says really mean things to me and once he even blackmailed me when i tried to take a break. I know that the best thing is to break up with him, but every time i try to do so he tells me that he will change. I am 19 years old, my boyfriend is also I need some help. We have quite a thing in the beginning.
But i found out that he had a crush on another girl after about one year. But i still didnt make a move. I saw his facebook conversations with her has been deleted and in groups which them both were participating his friends were trying to get them together. She has a boyfriend too a relationship as long as ours. It turns out to be that they have net up with someither friends of them at a coffee shop.
I didnt know anything about the meeting or such. He used to talk about her all the time. How she dances how she looks and so on. Even his sister has sent him a fb messsage saying that there isnt any perfect girl than that girl. But when i ask him about these he gets really angry and say the rudest things to me. He has never even started a conversation with me but for that girl and several other girls like her he has asked for their numbers and so on. This happened two years ago. Noe he is trying to hook his best ftiend up with that girls bestfriend.
I dont know what his plan is but i feel very much betrayed. Im still a virgin but i have sacrificed everything on his behalf. He treats me like an animal. He told me im nothing and no one. I dont know what do to especially when i still feel like i love him. What should i do? Well, to start off, it seems like your boyfriend isnt just a little mean to you and that is worrifying. He should really not talk that much to other girls, firstly that one you told us about… the reason is: Dont blame yourself, never do that since the one who should be blamed is him.
Treating you like a ragdoll is not good, thank god you do realize that and at least ask for help. Break up with him, the most simple way, you shouldnt not feel affected. You should feel happy if you break up because that seems like the weight on your back will be lesser.
I know that pain even though im a guy. Well, you deserve much better than being treated like an animal. Hope you the best. Known him for about Anyway, things used to be so good and spicy. I used to want to actually touch him and really cared about our sex life. Until about a year ago. Although I haul ass in our household, literally for everything.
Bills, meals, laundry, cleaning. He sits on his ass downstairs playing his Xbox. The kid is 24 years old. He is always swearing at me, calling me a fucking bitch. I just feel such unhappiness, and I really truly wish and want to feel happy with him for the sake of our business and families and everything else. Tired of putting on a front.
Just want to truly be happy. Kelsey you posted your comment about a month ago but it sounds like you were in an abusive relationship at the time. Suffice to say I am waaayyy out of my depth. Hence the desperate internet digging for relevant advice.
Gurl 6 outdated relationship phrases you don't need.
Did u really read the post? If he ain't her devoted husband, then he ain't worth it. Spend student loan on boyfriend, say what!!!! Dude, do you know how serious student loans are?
Can mess up credits and u gotta pay back and all those interest. Apart from that, the brokeass nigga might leave her. Its called LOAN definitely going to be paid back, whether u spend it on ur husband or devil, the interest will still be applied, she is spendin it on somebody who cares for her financially sometimes, cos he spent the money on her as well.
Yes the bf is broke today, 2moro will tell a different story, see beyond ur nose, if the bf is waste of space then he doesn't worth the time, but according to her, he behaves well, so i asked again, who deserved to be spent on? I agree with u sister, justwise do u know how serious a student loan is he should get one himself. He shouldnt lean on you too much especially with your loans. Boy, are you kidding me? He's not caring for her, she's caring for herself. First we need to know how long they've been together.
Second, does he actually try to help himself, or does he see her as a national bank. He's used to asking her for money that he's even playing on her sympathy. Have you men no shame? Once is okay, twice is okay, but not to the point that you have to make it regular like a restroom routine. If this is love, then I want no piece of the apple. Real men have pride and wont be asking for handouts. I might sound harsh but that is the truth. Even my older male mentors say the same thing.
And i know he situation is worse that what he tells me. Your man has to be a man, how would he function if u wasnt around? Or does he not think that you are worth it? How can yall grow together knowing that you provided all his allowances in the relationship?? You need to talk to him sweetie. But like seriously, this is student loans we're talking about here. In this economy, you better grab on to as much as you can get. This is interesting, its all good for us to spend on our needy gfs but its a crime for them to spend on us?
Oh just remembered that when it comes to money the saying doesn't apply. For a change let her spend on him!!! However, we are talking about LOANS here, do u know what a med school loan can do to you It is not like she is Oprah with plenty to share, she is borrowing from the Banks herself, and therefore has a need as well.
If a guy has plenty to throw around, if he wants to help his girl, without it hurting his pockets then do what you want, same for a girl, but if a guy is taking out LOANS and sharing it to a begging girl, com off it! Its called LOAN definitely going to be paid back, and if they break up who will be paying back the loans??
Poster sef if very stupid. Child, I've worked with pediatric doctors who's been working for years and are still paying student loans.
Nawa for you ooooooooooooo. Poster I'll say it goes both ways. If you feel in your heart he deserves it and is really broke and won't take you for granted, help him BUT i did the same thing 4 my ex boifriend and what did i get, "Break-up in the worst way and manner".
If you feel in your heart he deserves it and is really broke and won't take you for granted, help him BUT i did the same thing 4 my ex boifriend and what did i get, "Break-up in the worst way and manner" im sorry for your break up but dont advise the poster to do the same foolish thing if it did not work for you.
ARE they even married? Im glad I learned my lesson at 16, some foolish guy was always broke, but he was the sweetest thing ever, because o kept giving him money. Now where is tha fool. Please dont mess up ur life. I dont want to hear u posting again saying, he broke up with me, and he made me give him all this money that I now have to pay back. Be in Love sha, But dont BE a fool. When one seeks word of advice one must listen.
Poster, I had this problem before and we both had settle it. Since you have alot of loan money or why cant he take a loan hisself? Like maybe he wants to open a business?
Than u could sort of borrow him some cash to open the business and than he would pay you back when he makes some money out of it. I understand how you feel cause I was in your situation. Its not their fault that they are broke. Its just that opportunities did not seem to come his way and thats all. If you leave him, I dont know if you could find a nice guy like him or not in the future.
In my case, what I did was I took loan from the bank cause he is a foreignor so he could not get a loan. It was a risky thing to do cause anything could have happen. He might just ran away with the money and stuff like that but that time I have made up my mind that no matter what happen, I will help him to be successfull because of my love for him.
When he has enough, than he took the money and started off buying and selling computer spare parts and fixing mobiles for people. And obviously if one gives 90, or even out of million, sorry but I am laughing scenically. I give an extreme example but this happens at lower scale too. People should really start ditching the bible and most religion for common sense… It would be an incredible world.
I think the lack of confidence, whinginess by saying you care for elderly and wish you were dead is a big enough problem in itself. Work on your confidence and the income will matter less.
I earn more than my previous partners and If I am the main provider financially then It would be nice if the man balances it out by being romantic and attentive in the relationship, then income is not so much of an issue.
If the man refuses to work or only works part time then the woman may feel like she puts in more effort. Confidence is very important and anyone wishing their life to be over may have some more serious issues than just a low income.
Perhaps see a psychologist so you can discuss this issue and from experience I found speaking to a professional highly beneficial. Good luck with everything. You should be thankful you found some one who is appreciating you especially in this world.
What about all that equality we are all on about? Or is it equality only when it suits us? I worked full time and when to school full time simultaneously to finish my degree. Plenty of financial aid programs out there. As a person with a bachelors, two masters, and my JD, I have more education and student loans than most.
I have never in my life attempted to insult someone for being less educated than myself, however I am pretty sure if I was trying, I would spell stuff right myself.
If that the way it suppose to be that female reley on a man pocket. If so a man should feel as a woman. I stay with a woman who work and spend her money on what she want going continuely in debt and expect for me to pay het bills, while I pay all bills in, the house.
And if I decided that I want to have me some fun with my money she feel im wrong. She barely clean, wash, cook. Yet still she feel im a no good man. It confuse me when a woman think a man should do everything and she enjoys herself with hers. And too a man should look at het Babbage.
We met online, of course. He told me he was a manager at a fast food restaurant. I would have to agree with the article above and say that is is a very important factor to me.. I mean, I can manage my money, my man should be able to manage his as well.
Thanks for commenting Ms. To make a relationship work, the couple needs to have the some financial values. Wishing you the best. For a relationship to work, in the eyes of a greedy and selfish woman, the MAN must contribute more then the greedy and selfish woman.
Because she is greedy selfish and she wont settle for anything less. Such is the nature of selfishness and greed. If you are a man dont bother looking for love from a woman they just want your money even if they have their own. You are better off swearing off women and saving money. Then if you really get desperate for pussy, you can rent them by the hour. Its cheaper and they will love you just as much as a wife or girlfriend without the drama and emotional baggage.
Sure call girls arent baggage free, but they have to carry that baggage for themselves. So yea dating is not worth it at all. Gfs and wives are just live in hookers. Clearly written by a man that has no respect for kthers, feels lonely but convinces himself he needs nobody and is to good for any woman.
If you had a kind personality then you would see that there are many women that are kind hearted out there and are not just live in hookers. He is absolutely right. I have dated many women I thought they were loving and nurturing creatures but after dating and being in many realsionships they were all the same. Men as a collective have seen your ways just like reading here that men are only an arm for you.
Now we act like you and stop loving women and then you consoling where all the good men have gone. Look at the marriage rates plumit and birth rates. MGTOW is growing extremely fast. We use logic to get to that conclusion. Please stay with the hookers. I have supported myself and my children for the last 10 years. I own a 4 bedroom house, a boat, a camper and I do this on my own.
However, the last couple of men I have dated seriously took me for granted. The last boyfriend lived with me rent free for the last year. The first 4 months, I agreed to it because I knew he was just getting back to work. He paid me one time. He also agreed to go half on that camper. Nothing, not one dime. So tell me again how all women are just greedy and selfish? Some men are too. Getting him to help out with any of the bills was like pulling teeth.
So he is out the door and I am back to being single again. Guys like you who sit and bitch and wine about how they took all your money and you would rather be with a hooker are lame. It was then that I realized that I have nothing to offer anyone in a relationship So what would my profile heading say?
Once had millions…not a penny now.. This is so true! When we met he told me he is a business man. Little did I know he was in the business of being broke all the time. Only the heavens know how he plans on getting me all of that. So I end up carrying the bill for all 3 of us. I have considered walking out and leaving them with the bill.
But then I think what if they get arrested and get bad record which would make it even harder to find a job. I even give him my bank card and my pin so he can pay if we are together just to try save him some respect as a man. He claims he is not but his actions tell me he is comfortable being taken care of by a woman be it his momma or me. To make matters worse, he has a kid from a previous relationship.
I take responsibility for allowing things to get to where they are. He has no interest in looking for a job and even if he did he would probably not earn much.
So my choice is either to pay for his education, ask my dad to help him to actually start a real business or to leave. I choose the latter as of this moment that is. Sam, plz leave him while you still have a shred of dignity left. It is not a healthy relationship at all and if he really loves you, he will at least be sensitive with your needs. You are a very empowered woman and you deserve a man who will love you right because you trully deserve it believe me.
I will pray for you and hope that you find the courage to decide that you deserve nothing but the best because God loves you. Hi, Some of my friends have dated similarly unemployed men and to tell the truth — the love the drama. They may complain, but they never leave their men because it gives the drama in life and something to talk about.
It will not get any better, it will get worse. I have been where you are now. I am so happy now. I own my own home, brand new car, credit card, all the stuff I need and want. But, I refuse to have a man who will take advantage of me financially, period. You will look back and realize after leaving him, you will feel so much better.
You can help him find solutions — job referrals, grants, social services, etc. If you let him know that and cut off the money supply, his true personality will be apparent. Stay strong, good luck, and please let me know how it goes. You give him money. I too, have the same feelings about my last relationship. We still remain best friends today, but he really wants to get back together.
There were times where I gave him money during our relationship some was a a loan, some just little stuff for gas or food because I felt so bad for him. He also craved affection. For a long time, I ignored my own feelings and made myself believe that many of the things he said were gospel.
One day I finally woke up. Yes he does work and have a car….. This speaks volumes about my own self-esteem. This morning I had an epiphany on why I am no longer sexually attracted to him. He drives a car costing month! He blames market mortgage industry crash and his divorce.
This is also the short story.. I have always sometimes reluctantly worked, and bring in average wages. Anthough I do not live for money, I understand that it is a necessity to have some money, just to live… or else you are living of charity essentially. Now I never previously cared if a partner of mine had money or not, until now, since I have been dating someone for 3 months, who has no money.
Tara, thanks for writing. That said, a date can be free — there are free days at museums, gallery openings, street festivals, open mike nights at nightclubs, etc. Still, kind acts are free; I hope he gets with the program! Interesting whats written, i have been dating this guy for abit more than a month, he said he is a freelancer designer and director infact he is but he is not doing great business as such market is tight at our place. I am 24 with degree and good stable earning he is 26 have an art certificate.
I paid for most dinners and food plans we have a plan to go out of the country for new year and i think its on me: He knows the problem and looking for a job but this is tiering. I would like some input as to how I can turn down someone, without seeming like a horrible person.
I met someone online, we had a lot in common and messages back and forth were funny, full of great conversation, really good stuff. He lives in a rooming house with 4 other people and they share a landline phone. I had made it clear in my profile that I wanted to meet someone with whom I could purchase a home so that I can run my home-based business efficiently divorce put paid to that, but I could go half on a suitable place.
He thinks we have what it takes to get along romantically, says he still wants to meet and that I will change my mind. However, because I was raised to be polite and not ignore people, I would like to know how to turn him down without coming across like an awful person. Tina, thanks for commenting.
Yes, you can agree that there may be many things you share in common although he is saying that; are you? But if he balks at that, I would certainly question why. And that is not being impolite. Hi I been living with. Guy for 3years he has not being working since , he drive my car I pay for his medical insurance food and cell phone allowance and I help him with pocket money he says if I love him I can give him loan or open a business for him, he says he is tired of watching me me being rich and eating my money, is it my resposibility to help him with opening.
The bigger question is, do you want to? Is there a plan in place to become more equal partners if you want that? Are you having those kinds of conversations — and can you have them without conflict? If you loan him money for a business, what is his plan to pay you back and is it a viable business, and is he a good businessman? As of now, sadly I am unable to work as an old injury i sustained when i was in school got worse, and now i am on disability, pay my bills, have my own place, but as it said in the article, i get zero replies as i am looking for a long term relationship since i would rather not spend the rest of my life on my own.
If you see someone who is greedy, then it reflects in someone who wants someone who will look for someone who has a lot of money. I know that is contrary to a lot of what i have been seeing, but i have been looking around so much, and it is all i have been seeing from so many posts on many different sites, greed, not security or stability.
If someone wants to be stable, i applaud them for being honestly stable, but to turn away and scoff at people because others thing they are a burden? Do not get me wrong, just because i have not found anyone i am not calling foul and unfair to single myself out, but when it is more than just myself, then it is worth calling foul.
My question is, is it wrong to date someone who is disabled? There are even dating websites geared toward disabled people. I saw all the things he could do. He was disabled in an accident as a child. He said he wished he could take me some place better. I loved him completely. Been there, done that. Nothing but sea robins and spidercrabs in that murky water. I dont even cast my line anymore.
But, That doesnt seem stop them from trying to jump into my boat. So I end up in alot of situations where women make their availabilty known in an effort to induce me into ask them out.
But I am a MGHOW if you dont know what that is google it so asking a woman out is out of the question and rejecting women does indeed give me a thrill. So, When I catch women eyeballing me, I politely initiate a conversation with some mundane question.
It may not seem like much but to a woman her self esteem is shattered. I consider that my good deed for each day. Snubbing these self entitled, self absorbed, narcissitic sociopaths is the highlight of my day and I recomend that every attractive man in this country indulge in this practice as often as possible.
Its the least these worthless whores deserve. Do it for the community, do it because its right and do it because its fun. It doesnt matter why you do it as long as you do it. Thanks for writing, Brian. I can understand that you might be depressed by your romantic prospects; that said, that might be working against you in finding a partner. There are some women who would want to be married to a SAHD and others who would be open to flexible arrangements; those are the women you need to find.
To do that, you might need to reframe your story and attitude, and embrace the great skills and nurturing personality you have. That is very attractive to many women. He died a year ago and I was injured six months ago. First, please try to take as much care of yourself physically and intellectually as you can squeeze in. I know how hard it is to squeeze seconds.
If history is hard to face, maybe something in related fields or something brand new. Practice being friendly with everybody — men, kids, dogs, as well as women until it feels normal again.
You might expand to somebody a little older or financially secure. Most women I know value character more than anything.
Those same women are looking for brains and interest in the world. If he loves you he will get a job of some sort and be a man who will contribute. I wouldnt really care if he made less than me. Motivation and getting out there and trying to help pay bills or get you a cheap christmas present that he bought with what he had…. Anyone can sit and cry and be a taker.
Most men want to contribute. Could not have put it more perfectly. I am a female making above average wages. My boyfriend of 3. We were afforded the same opportunities but I have moved up in pay drastically in a few short years, mostly because I have worked my ass off and demanded more. I have worked very hard to put myself in a position to spend money as I please and he makes comments about my spending habits that bother me.
We have recently started talking marriage and are nowhere on the same page for the price of the ring. Yes, he is a pretty great guy, for the most part.
I just want to see some kind of determination to better himself in any way, which I have not. Then he started applying to jobs where he actually makes LESS! Not the most important but it is definitely important. I was in the same situation but I was married to my husband for 17 years. We got together after High School and had 2 kids. I earned double what he did and I too earned my wages in a short time frame in 4 years by working my ass off and demanding more.
He kept getting more and more into debt too. We are separated now and the way he still treats me after our break up proves to me that I made the right decision to leave. Well ladies, it works both ways. What do you bring to the table besides sex? Apparently some women think just having a vagina is enough. You must have a steady job with a good attendance record. Single motherhood, in most cases, is a sign of irresponsibility and making bad choices.
I see personal ads online with huge lists of requirements then see a morbidly obese, tatooed single mom making the demands. Of course us men must appreciate you as you are, jellyrolls of fat included. We are supposed to be so flexible and understanding while most of you accept nothing less than perfection from a man.
Ah, the double standards of feminism! Now, 40 percent of women are the breadwinners in their family, thanks to feminism, and there are more than a million men who are SAHDs. Really, no one wants to go back to the days when women had to marry for financial security. I know you wrote this in February, but I needed to chime in. Feminism has done some nasty things to our ever so evolving society.
I am not going to lecture you here about my views, since persuading such a perspective is ever rarely listened to, however I will say that it is true that women are able to rise to sky in every financial facet and are now capable of showing supremacy over a household. With that said, there is no denying that, because of this, there is and will be more men who will not want to marry in fear of divorce and of a growing presence of emasculation.
For those not familiar with this paradigm, It would be wise to take a step back and give this some thought…Yes, times have changed either for the better or for worse, but there is no denying there is a gender role struggle.
There is nothing wrong with being a SAHD. I have no problems there. However, it is natural for a man most to have instincts that motivate his sense of purpose — to be the provider, bread winner, protector of his family. Take that away from him, and the result is… A man who will accept his fate as the men who equate themselves to anything less than satisfactory — without aspiration.
Thanks for commenting, 3rd Derivative. You are boxing all men into a narrow view of masculinity: And, for the record, feminism did not strip those traditional-minded men from their jobs or fates — technology, job outsourcing, the decimation of unions, the Great Recession, etc. Nothing is stopping you or any other man from having that reality.
Find a woman who wants you to be the breadwinner and provider, and wants to be what you want her to be, and go have a happy life. I wish you the best. I appreciate the reply back. But to answer your question, of course — I agree with you. They can bring home an income and be wonderful caregivers for their kids, but the message I was trying convey to you is that since we learn gender roles early on, it is to no surprise why as young boys, one would learn values that are geared more towards homeward stability and success, rather than other virtues, i.
Now you are right, not all men may feel this way, a good percentage of the American population may even agree with you, however you cannot deny that their are happy families with the man at the helm.
This is subjective, any one person can blame the matter — especially if the opinions are biased. I can easily say current feminism is to blame. A little unnecessary, no? I was simply stating my opinion on the negative aspects of feminism. That is just how I feel. I noticed your tone started to become more aggressive the more I read on. I can only conclude that you interpreted me wrong.
That is unfortunate, but I get it.. Any way kudos and best of luck to you. I have a very lucrative job and am well on my way to pay off my mortgage 10 years early and early retirement. We have had no fights or any issues in our relationship. He has maxed out his cards so he literally has no money. As others have noted, he cares for me. He cares about people and I know he feels awful.
Lynn, thanks for writing. You are very right to help him get his financial ducks in a row and to ask him to come up with a plan.
I dated a man who also owed back taxes and etc. But he started paying off the debt by working two full-time jobs. You need to see action and within some sort of deadline. He would tell strangers i am a millionaire etc, all really embarrassing… I am not, i have a good lot of assets, family inheritance put towards property which massively increased in value but cash wise, income wise i am very average. I have two degrees and work as a professional and he ran his own business.
Whenever we went out for dinner, i had to pay, groceries, i had to pay, weekends away, the inference that i had to pay unless i helped him out at his work for a few hours. Ugh so glad i got out of there. I did so for other reasons but once i did i looked back and saw i had been used all along for money. I suspected it but didnt sit and dwell much while it was happening. My tip is if you feel you are being used for money by some loser guy, you ARE being used, and run run run immediately. The guy i am friends with now- well he is in unstable employment, casual work that changes each week.
He lives in this unfathomable dump , and i mean a real bad ass student type dump. This is not for someone in their 40s. He could get something better, ie a room in a really nice share house for the same money.
But instead he lives in this horrible flat, that i only just saw recently. Ive lived in some horrid places in my 20s, but this, this takes the cake. And he never has any money to go out. Why am i even interested? But i want him to want something better! And i am at the stage where i really want someone to be there for me, be able to rely on them , and i dont know if i can with this guy. Would you date a guy who makes a decent living he can afford his own bills, put money aside, and have money left over for fun even if he despised his work and had zero ambition to find another job or get a promotion?
I prefer to be single and poor than to be partnered and poor. A fiscally impoverished marriage is a gutting embarrassment. I am on a disability pension and live in a rented home. Decorating is not an issue as I am creative and resourceful. I keep my figure nice and I can afford high end anything I need. I have kept my age well due to 49 years of uninterrupted sleep and for selfishly guarding my fertility until the right provider might appear.
I can enjoy shallow pursuits such as shopping and caring for my looks. I read plenty of books of many genres so I see myself as well-versed in a few topics. I consider myself to be a good catch. Pretty house and garden. A boudoir for a bedroom. My disability is invisible and I manage it very well. I have my ducks in a row, as small as they seem. Why would I want a penniless man to come along and stuff all that up? A man of means is an aphrodisiac to me.
Realistically, at 49, things are looking bleak in the man department but in five years I know that will change for me. Besides, I love being single and celibate. I love being that mysteriously single woman in the room. Call me a shallow bitch but at least I am not making a poor depressed man feel worse about his situation by basking in my own stringent but easy one, right under his nose.
But I do have a stable job, I earn less than the average salary but I have a stable full time job. Daniel, thanks so much for your thoughts. I observe that many women indicate that they want a man who makes a decent living, regardless of his other traits. Beyond that, this comment resonated with me: Lots of people have that or some version; in fact, 1 in 4 have a mental illness, from mild anxiety to OCD my own son has that to bipolar to schizophrenia and beyond. Add a low income, and ….
Again, you are not alone. Which means there are people with anxiety or who have compassion for those with anxiety who will be interested in connecting with others with a similar situation.
I hope you recognize and celebrate all the great things you bring to the world; if you believe that, someone, and most likely a lot of someones, will see that, too. Also the basic fear of the actual going into a campus and meeting all the people etc which social anxiety so cruelly makes out to be much worse than it is.
Again, not you or the article more just the general vibe I have been getting from various other articles and the comments to these types articles. Also on the point of rather than see myself as not smart but rather focus on the things I am good at, that I am smart about. Daniel, at least you can support yourself if you live with someone. Go to the library or something, learn, do what it takes and you will get there. I have trouble attracting financially irresponsible men. I married another man , who seemed VERY responsible with money during our courtship homeowner, steady job, attended university, in the Army.
However, he lost his job shortly after we married, deciding to drop out of college and change his career path. We relocated to a different state so he could attend trade school, and I started my career in education. He held temporary job after temp job, until finally working at a call center, but he was still always broke. NOT the reason we moved cross country!
I have my own apartment, vehicle, career and life. He is still unemployed and living with his band mate. Sometimes u just gotta let ppl be who they are. Broke men have broke ways. His dead grandmother had bought him his vehicles in high school, and the Army had given him his fun money, by direct deposit.
The only thing that could fix us is if I had complete control of our money and gave him an allowance. I feel like I was reading my own story. Men who are broke like the men we attract are broken.
The last two guys I dated sucked my dry while living the fun life. Staying up all night and sleeping all day. Giving me just enough attention to keep me hooked. I have hired a relationship expert to help me fix my picker. Because it is my fault these men come into my life. I allow this behavior. And it needs to stop. I have to stop feeling sorry for these men and trying to take care of them and fix them. They have a mama.
Go drain her bank account. I am a successful business woman who has her own money, car, etc. Basically I have my shit together. I am like fly to fly paper for men who have no money. Listen, I do not mind dating a man who has a job that makes less than me. Money is not an issue at all. This last guy was very charming in the beginning.
Took me out for dinner. Wined and dined me. I got hooked and liked him a lot. Then he drops the ball that he is broke and has no money. Do not worry I will pick up the tab this weekend. Up until 3am drinking beer, smoking cigars and watching tv. He would get up around noon and start the pattern all over again. He would cook dinner but other than that nothing. There was no compassion. And when he did finally go back home I did not hear from him again until he was ready to see me again.
Which means he needed money. If he was cleaning my house. Taking care of my dogs. Helping me with my move. Changing the oil in my car, etc. I would have totally been okay with supporting him. But after a month I started to feel used and taken advantage of. Plus I found out he was lying about being in school. Why lie to me?
That just added fuel to the fire. I wish I had of followed my first mind n ran as soon as I learned his situation. I am currently dating an unemployed man that is recently divorced. He has prior old felonies from over 20 years ago and got into a verbal alteration that led to his ex filing a restraining order against him last year. I put together his resume because I volunteered in the unemployment center. Therefore, he has gotten many job offers.
However, the restraining order shows up once the background check comes back. His ex refuses to remove it out of spite, yet she still calls him, harasses him and wants him back. He has put her on speaker phone. Despite warning signs and his lack of money, I have fallen for him. I too have found myself paying for almost everything if we go out etc. Most times are spent at my house or doing free stuff.
No gifts on holidays or my birthday. Everything is about him struggling n trying. Yes he works temp jobs but its just enough to buy his toiletries and a bus pass. He has nothing much at all.
No house, no car, no steady job and 3 outfits. We have great chemistry, mind blowing sex but honestly, its not enough. At times it feels like he gets all my benefits for free. I have put men off that can and have actually helped me, just to give him a chance because I see potential in him. I have become resentful and irritated at times. I care but I dont want to commit to a broke man. Money really does make a difference in a relationship.
Its a sinking, sufficating feeling to be in this kind of relationship. Your partner should be an asset not a constant bill…. Thanks for commenting Tosh. No one can take advantage of you unless you allow it. Great sex and chemistry aside, if you want a future that looks different, you may have to make a hard choice. I wish you the best! I own my condo and car. I recently started dating a great guy that is 59 has a 1st and 2nd mortgage on a k home plus is making payments on his 9 yr old car.
He seems to be perfect except for that. Am I a bad person to break up because of that? He is a lovely guy, a few years younger than me, and spoilt me totally. I decided that there were 3 things I really wanted in a partner: Unfortunately — he dipped out on the final two. I possibly could have dealt with No 3, but really, No.
I have had to work very hard to get myself into the financial position I am. I was an orphan, and I divorced when my children were young. I had to really struggle to get my home, and succeed at work, and I do not want to be in a position where a roof over my head is at risk. Hi, No you are not a bad person for not wanting that kind of situation and are wise to consider walking away.
It is possible to discuss his debt and see if he is willing to eliminate it prior to a serious commitment. In my opinion men are designed to provide ,protect , and profess their love.
If they are not providing for even them selves, that is a red flag. Keep good boundaries financially and you will find someone who has similar ones. I hope this helped. I had a stable job before that, for 3 years, until the financial crisis and merger closed by department.
Before that I had different jobs but only a few weeks of employment gap. Because of savings I have enough cash, plus a small amount in retirement. I have no debt, with education debt completely paid off last year.
I occasionally travel and visit family, and while there I help with cooking, trash, change diapers, get dishes done, take the kids to school, park, library, and activities. I am not dating because I have no job and no stable income, and very high stress from all of this because I am getting older and finally after doing so many family activities wants to settle down.
Millions of years of evolution means that the lizard brain still rules. Assuming a marriage has occurred, a woman will look down upon a man who has gone down in financial status, whereas a man will not look down upon a woman who does down in financial status. However, as time goes on, a man will feel less attracted to his wife as she gets older, fatter, older, and wrinklier.
Can you name a cosmetics age-defying line for men? The lizard brain rules only when people allow it to rule. Are we attracted to young and hot?
Sometimes yes but for the most part, no remember, women ask for divorce two-thirds of the time. I know many women in long-term marriages who did not look down on their husbands during the Great Recession and he lost his job or had it significantly reduced.
Many went back into the workforce full force. Sure, women use age-defying cosmetics and procedures more then men do but men are just as vain about that stuff — not necessarily because of their love lives, but their careers. Why the discrimination against short men? A lot of these gender type biases exist.
Are people not allowed to have preferences? We like what we like, period. Now you go to some extreme examples using convicts and drug abusers to try to prove your point. I have my own house living and supporting my two boys and 3 animals that I love very much.
My both sons have jobs, one has a full-time job working 15 hr. I teach them about budgeting and one is great at saving, the other not so good but still make him pay me something every month. You have to look after yourself first, then your boys. You can find some other dude that is at least financially independent.
Lisa, I wondow how you got on? I have lived with my partner for over 6 years now and his business does not balance the books and I often pay for most things as his money tends to go back on the business or his own needs. I am tired of this as he does not help himself to find other means of work outside of his business which only really runs well for 3 months a year. He means well and we have talks about how he can plan better but he is more of a talker than do-er.
I have felt pity for his situation for too long and my friends are now telling me I have to take more care of myself as I will be broke too if I continue to bail him out. Obviously we need to eat but I dont know how much longer I can do this without feeling resentful. Like you, I love this man so much, he has a great heart and loves me dearly but the stress of all of this is making us argue a lot over money.
He wont even give me a straight answer of how much he made that day. I have now spent thousands of my investment money to help us move on but no more. Lets see if this relationship can survive now the money has been cut off.
By the way, I earn way less then him even after business reductions! Good luck to you all. Love is never easy to walk away from without knowing you tried enough, but it can also destroy you. There is this guy I am with. We have only been seeing each other for around 2 months.
I met him online. I am 35 and he is I thought he was 40 when I first met him. Found out he was 46 later on. He looks young for his age but. I have a full time stable job and rent my own place. He is unemployed and shares with 3 Middle Eastern men. He has been in my country since Said he has worked the majority of the time since he has been here and is studying accounting. He is out of dept as well and lives on the dole government benefits to help him get by till he finds work.
We went out on a couple of dates at first. He has always treated me well and accepted things about me as well. He seems so nice but having doubts. I told him if he asks me for money he is out the door.
He has not yet which is good. But still… Only early days. I have been in a situation before where I lived with someone who was a Trainee. Paid for almost everything.
Most the rent and bills. Regretted not dumping him sooner because after he got himself sorted out. No thanks to me. He ended up dumping me! I never want to be in that situation again and red flags are starting to show. I want a guy with a bit more stability in his life.
I never want to have to support someone financially again. I am not to fussed about money. But would like to be with a partner wheo earns enough that we get by comfortably. I feel bad that I feel like dumping him but I seem to attract these type of guys a fair bit and want to break out of that cycle as well.
I asked my husband for a divorce because he did not work for several years despite having two impressive degrees, did not want to do anything and other problems that I will not get into. Needless to say, we tried working on them but to no avail. Also my husband was my first love; the thought of getting into the dating seen in my late thirties was nothing short of daunting.
I figured I would just focus on my kids and career. Maybe date in 10 years. Enter my someone slap me phase. During my separation, i met mr. We would talk and smile like high schoolers. And to his credit before things got heated , he admitted that he served a couple yes, a couple of brief sentences in jail for drug dealing. Not a good thing, I mean I was always described as a goody two shoes. He smoked and although employed he was so broke. But somehow, my highly educated, professional behind began a passionate sexual relationship with this guy.
I mean, I embarrass myself, really. I mean there were other guys who wanted to date me. Somehow, I told myself it was okay, when I knew it was not. I mean, what is wrong with me? Back to kids and career and so much happier to boot. Maybe in ten years though…. I am 31 year old woman who had worked very hard to be successful.
I have a phd and a successful consulting firm that brought in 6 figures in its first year. My hubby did not complete post secondary. He struggled with an English course and ended up washing out of a program.
He is always jumping from job to job and they never pay much but he works hard and is always employed. I love him dearly but do find I sometimes get resentful. For example, a few years ago I was extremely stressed out and hated my job to the point that it seriously affected my health including complicating a heart condition. I wanted to quit but I could not depend on him to support us until I found something and that really sucked.
Are they helpful around the house? Are they emotionally supportive? Do they spend more time with the kids? My wife is a doctor and I never graduated high school.
We have been married 16 years. I have not worked for the last 12 years mainly just clean the house make lunch to take to her and cook dinner for when she gets home. Rest of the time I work out, if I where to work I would make minimum wage at this point and it would be more of a problem with the schedule. My wife wants to take trips all the time and attends conferences in other states and always wants me to come along with her. So I really could not have a job as I would be missing to many days traveling with my wife.
She makes a lot of money and there really is no reason for me to work. I have always thought that it was funny that in any discussion on the internet , the first casualty is always the English language. This one is no different. The red pill says that women are only capible of viewing men as whatever they can contribute financially, and their place in the social order.
It says that while men are capable of loving and feeling protective instincts towards women, women are incapable of this response. This is why you will hear far less men leveraging such complaints towards a broke woman — even in a world where female breadwinners are fast becoming the norm. Women, meanwhile, love opportunistically. It says that while a man will often be willing to put himself in harms way for his wife — for a woman, she is incapable of feeling the depth of emotion towards a man, to justify this response.
To the straight guys out there that date Cis women:
I know this because I'm a goody-two-shoes with a boyfriend who is of the same Money problems are one of the most common reasons that couples split up- with a huge nest egg, the other will have less need for an emergency cushion. 5 Things To Ponder Before You Dump Your Broke Man and is "getting way too comfortable" with her paying all of the bills while he . For example, Alejandra had set a mental timeline that her boyfriend needed to get a job. Here are seven signs your boyfriend (or girlfriend) is seriously bad The key may be figuring out whether he is determined to break the This is why finding a partner who pays their bills is only half of the battle. If you don't want to end up working until you're 80, you also need to weed out those who are.