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The sex life of Arabs is terra incognita for scientists and policy makers. El Feki, a Canadian-Egyptian immunologist University of Cambridge and award-winning journalist for The Economist and Al Jazeera, spent the past five years taking the temperature in bedrooms across the Arab world - a region spanning 22 countries and numbering million people, in which the only acceptable, socially acknowledged context for sex is marriage Sex in the Arab world is an enigma, an Egyptian gynaecologist explains to El Feki: Everyone talks about football, but hardly anyone plays it.
In spite of this habitual reticence, El Feki was able to explore the substance of contemporary sex life in the Arab world, from Tunisia over Egypt and Saudi Arabia to Qatar. Across that vast region, the sexual experience is shifting, albeit at a tectonically slow pace.
Sexual freedom still defines the West, as the Orient seems stuck in a state of sexual lockdown. Not that long ago, the perception was inverses. In the eyes of the 19th-century West, the Arab world conjured up highly eroticised visions of mystery and loose morals, sensuality and sex.
My book argues for a change along those lines, but within an Islamic context. It would be utter nonsense to argue for a secular sexual revolution in the Arab world. For this reason, the book has a companion website www. El Feki grew up in Canada, the daughter of an Egyptian father and a Welsh mother. Her Muslim roots fed her interest in the Arab world. First, I went to work for Al Jazeera as a presenter. In , I started researching Sex and the Citadel.
This gave me access to information that is hard to come by in the Arab world, because sex research is scarce. But the statistics are not really reliable. How often is infertility actually diagnosed? We do not know. It is hard to get any insight. Not only because of the taboos around sex, also because there is no culture of publishing or sharing info. There are hardly any journals writing about sex.
Governments sit on the results of the surveys they ordered. There is no culture of transparency. The biggest pool of data about sex comes through HIV research. It was absolutely not easy to get hold of that information.
Yet male infertility is rampant. Mehany told me smoking and pollution are likely causes. Others think the cause may be genetic, due to the high rate of consanguineous marriages, which increase the likelihood of genetic defects being passed on to children. Other possible causes mooted are wearing jeans or exposure to agricultural chemicals. The latter would explain the large number of small farmers turning up at Dr. So men and women have to bathe after intercourse. Women shower almost immediately after sex.
Infertility specialists advise to wait at least half an hour after ejaculation, which many women find disconcerting. Even more problematic is getting a sperm sample. Many men consider masturbation deeply troubling, as they blame their infertility on it. Most religious scholars consider it haram. So many men have a problem with producing a semen sample, even for infertility treatment. In Egypt, sperm or egg donation and surrogacy are unacceptable because it can lead to an illegitimate child.
What I had not expected, were the many individuals in Morocco, Tunisia, Algeria and other countries trying to push the boundaries, in so many directions. The creativity and innovation in matters of sex education were remarkable. The glass is not always half empty, I discovered.
Sometimes, it is half full They focus on the problems in the Arab world while many in the Arab world are focusing on the solutions. It is obvious that there are problems, but one of the messages of my book is that the solutions people are finding are okay. The Arabs do know what they are doing. But I do not want to knock people over the head. That is why I did not compare the sexual practices in the Arab world with those in the West or in other parts of the world.
Many of my readers will live outside the West, so why always compare to Europe or North America? And I am not suggesting we go back to a mythical golden age of sexual liberation in our past.
It did not exist. But there was more openness. But indeed, physical affection in public gets rarer. Ayman Zohry, an expert on Egyptian migration, told me a remarkable story. He comes from a village where a large proportion of the men migrate to the Gulf for work.
Twenty years ago his female relatives hugged him when he returned to the village. Now they do not. Many women will not even shake hands with a man. She found out that husbands and wives find it easier hugging each other in front of the kids.
And that those displays of affection utterly changed the dynamics in the family. You could feel the love and companionship and everything in the family changed. This never happened before the uprising, not in broad daylight anyway. You see these small changes everywhere. In Morocco, there was a Kiss-In. There is a lot of tension between the public and the private, but people are starting to question the old taboos. It is so alien to the way we see changes in the Arab region.
It is actually quite damaging. In the West, there is a more confrontational approach to change, but not so in the Arab world. It takes very gradual steps.
One is the Arab world. If you look at the curves of the graphs, you see them shooting up. Because of the pressure to have a child, she gets pregnant soon. The child is unwell, and in hospital they discover mother and baby are HIV-infected.
And the husband too. For the woman, this is a bolt from the blue. She has only had sex with her husband. She must have engaged in extramarital sex. The level of tolerance for women is extraordinarily low. The same goes for drug users, a growing problem in the Arab world, particularly in Egypt and Libya.
For women, it is socially unacceptable. So men will be sent to a rehabilitation centre, but not women. HIV and drug abuse go hand in hand. And despite the toxic mess caused by the lack of proper education, the taboo around contraceptives and the illegal status of abortion.
The tragedy is that it will require money, focus and political will, all of which are in short supply. HIV is the measure of all your other problems, a mirror to a society. Morocco and Oman have stepped up to the plate, Tunisia and Algeria have a solid track record.
As a journalist, I discovered a massive gap between official statistics and private reality. While people were assuring me that HIV was not a problem in the Arab world, I met entire families who were infected. This is what set me off to write the book - the realisation that sex is the wedge between appearance and reality in Arab societies.
There is a collective unwillingness to face up to any behaviour that falls short of the marital ideal. There is a lot of variation inside each country.
And we lack robust empirical research. My book has some, but it is largely anecdotal. There is no ranking of how sexually messed-up Arab countries are laughs. We do not know the level of sexual angst or confusion. But we have insights into sexual violence. About a third of women have experienced domestic violence within the last year. We have some information on attitudes, though.
For more in this, go here. This word isn't really Yiddish. My Aunt Marion made it up. But it sounds Yiddish and it's become a favorite of all who've heard it because there is no other word like it. Cooching is a form of hands-on examination of the merchandise, almost a caress as it were, before deciding whether or not to buy.
One might cooch at a yard sale, a flea market, at a dollar store or even an upscale shop. It isn't necessary to actually BUY something for a cooching expedition to be successful however it is different than merely window shopping or "just having a look.
That's a funny and interesting bit of etymology however I can pretty much guarantee my aunt never heard the Welsh word. I think, however, there IS something rather onomatopoeic about it.
My guess it was made up spontaneously by some unknown Welsh person and my aunt. Can anyone confirm this? Cwtch doesn't come up in Google Translator. Darf min gen en kollej?: I'd catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror and I'd ask myself that very question! Das hartz hat mir gezoght: Which reminds me of joke: Ruthie marries Moishe, a very religious but sexually inexperienced young man. On their honeymoon night, he climbs on top of her then just lays there like lox. Ruthie, in frustration, finally cries out: The story of the Dibbuk is the Jewish version of "The Exorcist.
She lost the whole car! Somewhat stronger than chazzerai , but often used the same way. Look at this drek! Not only is the zipper already broken, but Vuitton is spelled "V-o-o-t-o-n! Shit with liver, of course! They had drek mit leber. Drek oif dem teller: Shit on a shingle. Du kanst nicht oif meinem fus pishen und mir sagen klass es regen ist. The last town, before you fall off the edge of the planet.
Not even the Catskills! Seven hours we drove! I'm tell you, it's in eckveldt! Used often in the context of "I swear it's true" or "Really? Ess a bisel eppis, tatelleh. Es is nit dayn gesheft - literally, It is not your business. Colloquially, "Mind your own business. The food is getting cold. Ess vi ein faygl, sheisse vi ein ferde! Or, as my mother says, "He eats like he has three assholes.
In Yiddish, generally the word for "shit" is "kock" or "cak. Fer- biss -en-uh sour, bitter. Generally used to refer to people hence Frau Ferbissenah in the Austin Powers films. With a ferbissenah punim sour face like that, a man should be afraid to talk to her! Farblongjid far- blunge -jed completely lost and confused, either in one's head or on the ground.
Now we're completely farblongjid! Fardrai zich deyn kop!: Time to get rid of that ferfoilteh shmata! Fargenign far-gan- ee -gan: A " farkrimpteh punim " is a twisted up, scowling face. Wipe that makeup off! Take off that sequined dress! You're only 12 years old! Used colloquially to mean something that just doesn't end. A long, drawn out issue, usually without resolve, rather like the Whitewater hearings.
When you say a person is " farshimmelt " it means they are confused, mixed up i. Mad Magazine's website proclaims: Used literally as well as figuratively. We dun need no f arshtunkeneh badges! Often used as a question: I want a divorce! Colloquially used to refer to a gay man. Depending upon its use, can be derogatory or affectionate.
A visceral expression of disgust, either physical or emotional. Folg mikh a gayng: The nosh you get when you first arrive so you don't challish before dinner is served. For gezinteh hait or gay gezinteh hait: For instance, when someone walks out on you angrily, slamming the door behind them, you might call after them, " for gezinteh hait!
Do whatever you want! You're not going to listen to me anyway. He fressed up his entire dinner before I even took a bite of mine! Gantseh Makher - Big shot, big man on campus. Brooks cries out, "Loysem gayn! Gay kocken offen yom: Get lost; hit the road; beat it; piss off. Gay shlog dayn kup en vant!
Gebrenteh tsoores - abject misery; grief like you wouldn't believe! What am I, gehockteh leber? And what does she think I'm wearing? They spared no expense! There was even a sculpture of their son made from gehockteh leber! Hanukkah gelt are the chocolate gold-foiled coins traditionally given at the holiday.
Stop with the kvitchering already! A Jewish divorce, separate from a civil divorce, which must be granted to the wife by the husband. Jewish women who have not been given a get , cannot be remarried in the Jewish faith, even though, according to civil law, they are divorced. Many a man has held this over a woman's head on spite or as a negotiating tool in civil court for custody or alimony.
Dat's why you gotta getta get. Check it out; take a gander; get a load of that. This is practically English! A bug in the ointment; an error in calculation; a screw-up that makes your plans go awry. A glitch, for G-d's sake! Not to be confused with the "Midas Touch," this refers to able, talented, skillful hands. My husband is one of those guys who can make, build or fix anything. Whenever he successfully completes a chore for his mother or mine, inevitably they cluck approvingly, and say, with great respect, " Goldeneh hanz!
He can do anything! The Land of Opportunity and Promise. America, usually New York for early Jewish immigrants. A Jewish folk character -- an animate creature created out of inanimate material the way God created Adam, who acts as a rescuer or savior. Such creatures can only be created by the most holy and learned men, because the power to do so is God-like.
There are many such stories in Jewish literature, the most famous of which is probably the Golem of Rabbi Judah Loew ben Bezalel who supposedly created his Golem to save the Jews of the Prague Ghetto from anti-Semitic attack. It is said that the original Frankenstein, by Mary Shelley, was based on tales of golem.
For further reading, go Here and Here. If you see this entry anywhere other than on Bubbygram. Please let me know! Gribenes grib -beh-ness Fried chicken skins. Delicious little heart-attack pellets. Gridje - grij-eh annoy, get under one's skin. Not that he broke up with me, but that he acted like it was MY fault! I thought my ears would bleed! What a grubber yung! An exclamation often denoting disbelief or surprise.
You've grown so big since I saw you last! Gutte neshumah goot-teh nesh- uh -mah: A decent person with a good heart. When Ruthie was sick, she brought her soup every day! Hock mier en chinik: I am not buying you Sugar-Frosted Chocolate Puffies cereal. Now stop hocking me in chinik! Because of its shape, it is occasionally used as slang for a woman's private parts, although it's not a common usage. Ib -ber-ger- blib -er-ness leftovers. Ich vill nicht vesn: Parents might also say Kaddish for a child who has done something so terrible that, to the family, he or she is "dead.
You should never know such tsooris!!! Colloquially used to mean "good for nothing. Sort of poor man's tabouli. Usually cooked with fried onions and bowtie pasta "varnishkes" Back in Russia, groats were typically served to horses, and Jews were looked down upon for eating what the Russians considered animal feed as if they needed another reason to justify their anti-Semitism!
What did they know! Kasha varnishkes is delicious!!! With some frizzled onions? This is more like lightly spitting a poppy seed off the tongue. Put your keppie on my lap and gay shluffen go to sleep. Not to be confused with kibbutz kib- bootz , which is a collective farm in Israel. A killeh-bendl is a truss.
What did you put in this suitcase? The kinder are listening! The children are listening! After 10 minutes of questioning, he spilled his kishkas! The pieces are thickly sliced and fried, and often served with gravy. You used to get kishka at every Jewish wedding and bar mitzvah, but you rarely see it any more.
Also known as "stuffed derma," or, as it was called on my husband's fency, shmency bar mitzvah menu, which his aunt recently found in a box of old papers, " Derma Farci. Like that's gonna fool anyone into thinking they're eating French food! Kish mier en toochis: Klug or klog - Plague, worries, misfortune. A clumsy, uncoordinated person. He'll be lucky if he doesn't kill himself!
Knaidl the K is pronounced matzo ball, matzo meal dumpling, usually served in chicken soup. If you're ever in Brighton Beach, visit Mrs. They have more varieties of knishes than Krispy Kreme has donuts.
Even though many Yiddish "dirty" words have actual neutral meanings, see shmuck, shlong, shtup when used alone, the "dirty" meaning is always implicit, the way "cock" or "dick" might be in English. I doubt the word "knish" alone would ever elicit a titter, although in context I see that it's apt. However, I include this somewhat uncommon slang usage personally, I'd never heard it used that way because I have been on a decade-long quest to find a Yiddish word K'nocker the K is pronounced a big shot often used sarcastically "He got elected president of the condo board and now he thinks he's a big k'nocker.
You and your kockamayme ideas! Since our grandparents and parents always referred to them that way, most Jewish baby boomers also call them that.
Or a woman who trades on her sexuality for money, gifts or position. KOY-akh literally strength; usually inner strength, wherewithal, energy, the heart for something.
Kreplach krep -lakh Jewish ravioli filled with chopped meat, onions and a bissell shmaltz a little chicken fat served in chicken soup. Krotz - Literally, scratch. Kuchelyn kukh -ah-lane a summer bungalow, usually in the Borsht Belt. Literally means "cook alone," i. Two Jewish mothers talking: My son finally graduated from law school!
One can kvetch complain or be a kvetch a complainer. It's only a paper cut! Lantsman lantz -man a countryman. This word always reminds me of the very hilarious Gene Wilder film, "The Frisco Kid" in which he plays a Polish rabbi, sent to a congregation in San Francisco via Philadelphia in the 's. After being robbed and thrown from a carriage by some nogoodniks en route, he finds himself stumbling around, half-delirious from sun and hunger, in central Pennsylvania.
He spots some Amish farmers who are dressed much like himself -- black coats, black hats, long beards -- and he runs toward them, thrilled to have found fellow Jews so far from home, yelling " Lantsmen!
A big smiling face is a " lichticheh punim. Loyzem gayne - Let them go! In Mel Brooks' Blazing Saddles, when Mel, as the Indian chief, allows Cleavon Little and his posse pass by unmolested, he raises his hand and says to his tribe, "Loizem gayne! M achareikeh mach-ar- ri- keh - a real Rube Goldberg contraption; something held together with spit and glue; a gimmick. Yiddish is one of the few languages with a word for this relationships. Machatunim mach-ah- toon -'m refers to te couple -- your child's in-laws; your grandchildren's other set of grandparents.
Macher makh -ah a "maker" -- a big shot, the big boss, the one who makes things happen, a mover and shaker, a rainmaker, a successful business person, Big Man on Campus. Runs the whole North American division! If you're using this term, that language is probably Yiddish. Mashgiach - mash- gi -ach the person who makes sure everything is Kosher in restaurants, hotels, catering halls, etc.
Passover "bread" -- aka "The Bread of Affliction" according to the Passover story and if you've ever eaten a lot of matzoh, you know why they call it that.
It looks like perforated cardboard and tastes about the same. It is also constipating like you wouldn't believe! After eight days of matzoh, matzoh balls, matzoh bries , etc etc. Some car maven he is! It's also a very puritanical euphemism for vagina. A Yiddish-speaking woman, when conversing with her gynecologist, would probably refer to her naughty bits as "mein mayseh" my story or, even more euphemistically, "dorten" "there". So I took a nice, hot bath.
I don't need the gantzeh megillah. A fashion model, she isn't! It's a curse to put on your enemies. Some etymologists believe the derogatory word for Jews, "sheeny" came from this phrase.
When Jews were tormented by anti-Semites, they would often curse their oppressors under their breath with a " meisseh meshina. Being called a mensch is the ultimate compliment. They call that a metziah? Now THAT, taka , is a metziah! He's quitting law school to become a drummer in a heavy metal band! Boy, she is really mishuggah! When modifying a noun, it's: Giving to charity is a mitzvah. Caring for someone who's sick is a mitzvah. Rubbing your partner's feet is a mitzvah.
Contrary" Everyone goes left, Moishe Kapoyr goes right. What a Moishe Kapoyr! Based on the idiom, " darfn af kappores" -- basically, to need [whatever] like a hole in the head. Moishe Pipik or Pupik: MOW-tsee The daily prayer over bread or any other food that is considered "fruit of the earth" vs.
Derives from a word within the prayer, "hamotsi," which means "to bring forth. The man won't let me live! My mother would say, "Stop mutchering him, already!! Mutcher me some more! That boychik little boy is so smart! Three years old and already he can read! He gives me such nachas! Although it means the same as " koorvah ," it's generally less severe. A " koorvah " probably does it for money and is more a "professional," whereas a nafka might do it just for fun or for psychologicial or emotionally needy reasons i.
Never mind this narishkeit! Better you should go to college and get a real job! Nebekh - unfortunate person, poor soul. Woody Allen, the early years. It's not important any more. And an upstairs neighbor is, voo den? Selma's son dropped out of medical school? Nisht geferlich nisht ge- fer -lich Literally, not so terrible. Nisht means "not," in case you didn't pick that up already I've seen worse or could be worse.
You could have broken your skull! This "Yinglish" word is pretty self-explanatory. Someone who's on the wrong side of the law; somebody with low morals; a trouble-maker. A noodnik is one who nudjes annoys ; someone who is always "hocking" you "en chinik. You are such a noodnik! Both a verb and a noun. One can nosh between meals or have a little nosh between meals.
With one syllable and the proper inflection and body language a sigh, rolled eyes, shrugged shoulders, a forward lean, etc. I suspect prolific songwriter Doc Pomus born Jerome Felder was sending a secret Yiddish message in his lyrics: Nuchshlepper nuch -shlep-per a hanger-on, sidekick, a groupie.
The kid who always tagged along with the popular kids hoping some of that popularity would rub off on him. If you nudje relentlessly you, yourself, become a nudje. I'll take out the garbage after the ballgame! You are SUCH a nudje! Finally, I paid the twenty bucks and put it in a lot. Then, oif tsalochis , when I get to the restaurant, there's a spot right in front!
To misquote Carly Simon, "You're so ongeblussen , you even think this song is about you. Ongepatchket un-geh- potch -ked: OIS-ga-mat-urt totally, thoroughy, completely, drop-dead exhausted. A regular Osama bin Laden at a B'nai Brith meeting. For example, bread, fruit, vegetables. Paskudnyak pas- kud -nyak a disgusting, revolting, dishonest, unscrupulous, corrupt person.
Can be a C. Talmudic debate, or any discussion which goes off into ridiculous hair-splitting tangents, to the point of completely losing the main thrust of the original argument. Jews are VERY good at this which is why we make such good lawyers!
PISH-akhs piss, or, something that tastes like piss or is worth piss. Someone small and insignificant, usually used to refer to a person who doesn't seem to realize what a nothing he actually is. Someone with no experience who's ready to accept any challenge. Sometimes, pishkehs take on the world and win. I'm sure King David's mother scolded him, before he went into "battle" and said, "Oi!
You think you're going to bring down that huge giant, Goliah, with a little pebble? I never heard such narishkeit! Pisk Malukheh - someone who's all talk and no action. Far worse than a mere yenta , the malicious plotka-macher takes pleasure in stirring up a wasp's nest, causing bad feelings among people, being the bearer of scandalous news. They are not above telling lies to foment ill-feelings and break up relationships. Colloquially, however, this word is mainly used to mean faint, collapse, drop dead i.
The actual, literal meaning, however, is definitely "explode. Who wants a poulke? Because my poulkies look like pantihose filled with wet oatmeal! In the less famous line from "Whatever Happened to Baby Jane? A " shana punim " is a pretty or beautiful face. A " lichtikeh punim " is a happy, "lit up" face. A" zeiseh punim " is a "sweet face. A" mieseh punim " is an "ugly face. You might see several of these at the cash-register of Jewish-owned businesses, which collect donations for planting trees in Israel or Jewish orphans and widows although they are not much different in purpose from those cards into which you slip quarters for Muscular Dystrophy or cans which collect change for Make A Wish.
Many Jews keep a pushke in their home, adding loose change each day. When it's full, the money is given to charity. Used, as we do in English to describe a nasty, unlikable man. Sarah you sound like one of those housewives that complain about everything that the guy one day leaves for some young hot girl.
What you dont realize is that these men have to put up with the same things from you day in and day out. Recognize that his silence is not due to your perfect its due to his tolerance. Then learn to be tolerant yourself.
While these men have a lot of tolerance there will come a day when some hot little slutty girl comes along and hes gonna be like you know what, I put up with that cruel hearted bitch day in and day out that makes me feel like half a man and I want to feel like a man again. Give me a break…no, most of the time it is not even a true statement. But, exactly what happens is we are left with all the little crap: I have been married 20 years and I still love my husband.
He is a great guy, has a great job and is a great provider. But, I also offer the same…. I make great money just as much as him , he says I am a great person and would not want to not be together. We make each other laugh and can have real fun together, still. And, even married 20 years both of us still could get someone else fairly easy and we know this. It has to do with all of your marital history and what made each one of you, start behaving differently to each other, in the first place.
It takes work everyday to keep a marriage going and it sure its not easy. Believe me, we women feel the same way as you. Then guess what we work through it, again. We just want to be respected just like you. If only you knew what most women really are thinking, you would seriously adjust your attitude. Two or three drops of water on the counter will dry in an hour or less.
If we make a big mess, then by all means, call it to our attention and we will gladly correct it for you. Most of us are not out to make your life all about cleaning up after us. You women do too. If its more than just a crumb that can be thrown away in 5 seconds then by all means, feel free to point out our error and most of us will happily take care of it.
All of us are human and none of us are perfect. We all have feelings and its just not worth causing the one you supposedly love anguish over something that is so insignificant.
I pick up something my wife has left behind on average once or twice daily. As for the no sex thing. I believe everything involving sex is pretty much water soluble and washes off in just a few minutes. Even if we just took a shower two hours earlier and have done nothing to cause us to be sweaty or undesirable. Men are human beings with feelings too.
Most of us are not that complex and are pretty easy to please. But this prima donna attitude that some of you women develop just a few short years after marriage is total B. Men want respect just like women do. Heck, my wife took up golf lessons so I bought her a new set of inexpensive golf clubs.
She liked them at first but within two weeks she said that I was pressuring her into playing golf because I bought those clubs. I took them right over and threw them in the dumpster. We never went hungry or went without due to the money I spent on those golf clubs. She constantly wants to criticize what I spend money on even though the bills are always paid and over a thousand dollars a month goes into savings.
But she works and nothing is said at all about what she elects to spend her money on. Marriage is about love and mutual respect. One way streets only lead to disaster. God did no catergorgrize a Nag and a Quiet spirit in the same passage yes complaining is fruitful, if its done in the right way but most women today are tainted by worldly concepts of their own making or what they are subjected to by secular media platform. And thats not what a Marriage is about on either end.
That should sum it up pretty much. Having a bitch for a wife is the worst possible thing to have in our short visit an this planet. Could give too shits if there is a couple droplets of water, or where towels are placed.
It will always get worse over time, because that her personality. If you knew that from the beginning why propose?! A lot of women will blame men but a lot of women will never put themselves in her husbands shoes. I see it all the time and I always wonder why on earth did he propose? Woman to woman, please do not marry a man. You will make him miserable. Water on the counter? Your life must be easy street if you have to get upset about that.
Do not have kids either. They are messy and do not listen a lot. Sarah your clearly a winging modern woman. Never satisfied more concerned about who is buying what and soend your time competing with the neigbours and your family. And half the men on hear are cry babies. If your mom didnt do the job right to prepare you for love with a real woman and she forgot to teach you men to be self reliant respectable men dont blame the so-called nags in your life please.
So dont turn your women into maids then cry when shes barking in your face after years telling you its not only her responsibility. If you want to live like pigs go ahead. Are you not showing that you are feeling inadequate?
That maybe the respinsibilities that are expected and required from a husband are things are just incapable of giving? You have to work hard everyday to give to your partner on both ends so that each one of you remains happy. Bo Jimbo, Your vocabulary and clearly your mental comprehension of what Marka said is clearly lacking.
They know they will have to clean again. Someone is coming in and destroying their work. Btw your vocabulary says a lot about you. None of it good. Maybe a little self analysis would be beneficial. Try putting a toilet seat down and being a little braver than ranting on a post where no one can see you sitting in your raggedy ass wife beater with a beer in your hand. Yup, I know, you man, she women…get a grip fella.
Nobody said there are all the same but too much bitches in this world! And you guys marry them and then complain. No different from a woman marrying a guy who is not faithful, drinks, etc. They act extremely nice, smother you with sex. Right after marriage they turn into a completely different person. Rude, unappreciative, no sex, complain constantly.
Act nice again to have children then go right back to bitch land and threaten to take your kids and money away in a divorce in a system stacked against men. Singel men — never, ever, get married. All I wanted to do was to laugh a little.. Like a dog with a bone. We do the dishes u say nothing. Even when we do right men still get bitched at jus for the hell of it. Sign up for the draft put ur 40 hrs a week in of not more. Be a primary provider for the family not just an optional income.
Be held to a standard. Responsible for everything in the household BC Lord knows if it breaks your gonna have to hear the bitchin. I can relate to much of what the guys here are going thru. My wife use to be awesome. She was one of the cool gals who could hang with the guys, dish out the verbal jokes, and also take them.
It seems like over the last year since she turned 40, she has become more irritable and miserable. She bitches about the dishes in the sink, dishes in the dishwasher, dishes not put away, dishes poorly washed. She bitches about my teenage twin sons sleeping in, about them sitting around the house all day, about them staying out all night, about them not going out with their friends, about them having their friends over to the house without permission , their loud music, their TV shows, etc….
We go out to the restaurant of her choice and she bitches about the service, the food, the prices, etc…. I just want to scream at her to STFU!!!! God forbid I leave that plastic cup in the sink. I think she is not fulfilled with her career and that impacts how she feels and behaves. I still love my wife, but I can understand why there are dating services that cater to married men!
Straighten your lazy boys up so they can become men, not parent-dependent basement dwellers. Maybe she will have some respect for you, wussy dad! Wendy, respect will come when men find out that women need man more that the other side…and start to put nag bitches in their place.. I started out in my marriage consciously trying not to complain and instead trying to be being extremely understanding. After two years of that not working, I regressed to constant complaining after our baby was born.
I am not unhappy with myself as a person, but I am unhappy with where my life is right now regarding my marriage. I had to clean the SUV out so my father could drive it to the mechanic at get it maintenanced.
Mind you, I had asked my husband nicely to do those things before he gave it back. My husband got mad at me for complaining about trivial things. Later, my husband got mad at me for complaining about him buying a two-seater sports coupe after her wrecked the family car. We are a family of four and we had an infant at the time. These are just a few examples of the quadrillion things that there are to complain about when it comes to my husband and his lack of consideration for others.
But, I complain less now, like I said before only usually when things boil over. Right now my bedroom is a sty. His clothes dirty and clean are all over the floor, chair, chest, etc. He constantly leaves dirty dishes and cups in the bedroom and papers, books, materials from work and anything else you can think of all over the place. I had stopped asking him to clean up after himself and I have stopped complaining about these things. I do not disagree that I am miserable and unhappy.
I do disagree that I am miserable and unhappy about myself. I do not like to complain, as that just makes me more miserable and unhappy. I believe he is of like mind with the men who have posted here — he thinks I am unhappy with myself when I am in fact unhappy with him.
Yes, nagging women are the most annoying thing in the world and that is why I began reading these comments. But your husband needs to get his priorities straight.
Likewise, the men who sit through day after day of constant belittling and verbal abuse, well, they picked the wrong woman.
And if you did manage to build a time machine, I can guarantee that your younger self would not listen or take advice from anyone who tried to convince you that you should make a more considered choice of marriage partner. The time to avoid all these heartaches and frustrations is in the beginning. Starting from here is too late. Jak, my suggestion to you is that you either leave the guy or learn to pick your battles. There is only so long that anyone no matter how good or bad they are will put up with someone constantly complaining about them.
You hate the relationship because your unhappy and it makes him hate it because you appear to hate everything about him. Its not realistic for him to go snap his fingers and be another person. So you have to think about it like this. Neither of you are perfect, you are putting up with eachother.
You are in this to work through things together and a big part of that is being patient and loving about eachothers faults. Part of that patience I think is knowing you can only attack so many things at once about someone. You can recognize someone who loves you by if you ask them to change a small thing here or there and they do it or try hard to do it even if they dont nail it the first time patience again.
A lot of times relationships end up with one person being dominant, they complain harder and longer and then the passive one ends up feeling bad about themselves, unmotivated to change and slowly starts to resent all the little things about the dominator too, feeling like they are walking on eggshells all the time to keep you happy finally they snap one day and stop caring about what you like and dislike then it goes downhill. You gotta find a way to come to terms with them, negotiate change.
I actually have a friend who complains all the time. So annoying that I spend minimum time with her. I read somewhere the biggest form of love is the highest tolerance. I think after years, we forget why we got married. We need to keep the romance alive, too.
My wife is a complainer and no amount of respect, communication or Love can solve that. Its just about impossible to talk to her as she would rather listen to herself talk. Then she is able to whip herself up into a frenzy without any help from me and the fists start flying. For example yesterday she did something that still has me stunned. The only way to avoid any more hits was to get up and leave the bedroom as quickly as I could.
Not fully awake and completely confused I began cleaning the house to help calm me down. Not till she actually got up about 4 hours later that I asked her why she did that. We have a 2 year old son who I love to death, and I travel 2 weeks every month for work.
How do you leave someone like that, keep your son, and keep your job. My problems read wife follows me there. How about women stop complaning and become more tolerable like us men and promote some peace, so we can ALL enjoy life.
Buy you roses for what? How about you buy us a six pack to deal with your aging body and horrible attitude. YOU Wont to know what loyalty is, have been togeather over 28 years have looked after her when she was sick have walked through flood to get to her would come home from work to find her throwing all the food out think some one had poisoned her i would go to the hospital and stay when any of the kids were sick be up a 3am holding them in a shower would go to work why she would sleep.
Nothing I did was ever any good for her. So one day I told her it was over and left. She hit the roof. I felt free without her. Two years to the day I left her she committed suicide. I guess she was the fuck up, not me. Now I am married to my second wife and she has started the same shit with me.
You are going to put ME down? After the way I have supported everything you do emotionally? Bring the child up on your own, maybe it will teach you to treat your man with dignity and respect.
If a woman does not treat you right, and makes your life miserable with nagging, then its time to move on. The hell with the kids too. If she nags all the time they will disrespect you too, so forget them and let her do the work of bringing them up. And, your father was the same way. Your not a man, your nothing but a coward. Henry, not an wise choose of words, but i think i get you.. My wife is minute by minute. One minute I know why I married her, the next minute I wonder why she agreed to marry me.
She burned her hand with a glue gun and I have tried to help her and all she has done is bitch at me, like it was my mf fault. Then when I snap back at her, she asks why am I mad at her. I think she wants out but is afraid to leave.
My wife is not happy unless she is unhappy. I now go to work on the weekends Saturday and Sunday just to get away. Sad but I find my office significantly more peaceful than my own house. How trapped do we feel. My wife really did not complain much until we had 4 kids. I have not been able to do anything right for 32 years now. If she would complain about the real screw ups, God knows I make them, I would understand.
If find myself agreeing with every complaint so the kids would have a decent childhood. They do not live here anymore so I began to stick up for myself. We are in a living hell now. When I argue with her she gets violent, so I back off.
I need out of this. She needs to stop or I am gone. I need some time to build up the guts to go. I am not perfect, but I do not think I am as bad as she is making me out to be. If I am that bad then she deserves someone better. Someone who can make her happy. If it is possible.
If you are unhappy then get a divorce. You have one life. It sounds like you are upset with the way your life is going, but you do not have the strength to change it. My husband is currently unemployed. He calls me at work and complains about this or that. He complains or gripes about something every single day. He fusses at me for fussing back at him.
I know mine as the MAN, I have to provide and protect my family make the feel safe. I make sure the bills are paid food is on the table and they want for nothing, nothing!. I live for my family without them I am nothing, my purpose in life is to make sure my children and my wife are happy. Whats wrong with traditional roles that give equal respect, I think it provides a much more stable upbrining for the kids. If someone has done something to chip you off then tell them, and why.
They wont do it again or at least they will try not too. And if they dont make that effort they clearly dont give a damn so tell em to jog on. I am a female and agree with every comment except the last. I have been independent and capable of self-support all of my life. The only times I asked for help was if something was too heavy to handle alone, or if we had a large home gathering in the home and I needed assistance. My husband was the same. If more couples would learn to act independently in the marriage, there would be total bliss.
This is a short term fix to a long term problem used by the nagger, complainer, whiner. After all, our minutes and hours of each day must be filled with something; why not keep it filled with productive and positive action.
Just read everything written in this thread, thinking I am one of these guys, wife is just simply mental! Married a year and a half, got a 2. I provide, home,bills,needs and most wants. Ps there are , things I could say as examples of her mental annoying nagging, and her bad habits etc, but a, their noting and b, I am a bloke so I generally forget the details of boring sh1t by the next day.. Peace And I do prey I am not mental myself. I wake up at 4: This woman nags me about almost every damn dime I spend when I do spend it.
I fuckn kill myself everyday for my family and get questioned over a damn 10 dollar coat. She talks to me like sh! My husband never picked up after himself. He left wiskers in the sink. He left his laundry on the bathroom floor. He never hung up his towel to dry, always left it in the bedroom carpet or on the bed. He never took the trash out without being reminded. He did not mow the lawn until it was two feet tall. He never checked the oil in the cars. I never bothered to try to get him to help with housework.
I only asked that he pick up after himself, take out the trash, mow the yard, and maintain the cars. I did not ask to be his mother and was certaintly not going to put up with him insulting me with his childisn behavior. I came home one day and he was gone, gone for good, and I was glad. I bet he picks up after himself now…. We do not mind telling you once, but get with it already. But when u clean house and no matter ur wife complains.
Even her family doesnt like to come visit us anymore because how she treats me. I pick up, clean, help in all areas possible and still she finds something to complain about. Tuesday all the things you mentioned are not wort loseing a loved one over. I can do all the things you mention but I am not perfect and that I am sure you would find a whole new set of problems with a guy like me. I wish you only the best and I am sure it is not me.
This is a site where a man wants to gripe with other men and you just have to put your two cents in! My wife is the queen bitch of the universe. I cook, I clean, take the kids to school, etc. Better than this crap. Unfortunately I know too many people who are married to spouses who nag, criticize, complain, and generally make life an unpleasant, difficult day-to-day existence.
I can only wonder — why? Why do you stay married to a person who make each day of this short time on earth unpleasant? Well I am not married, but I am engaged, my girlfriend can be great and loving at times and I really know why I love her.
But she can go through phases where she will nag me about everything I do. She has only done the laundry like times in the the last 2 years, I do most the chores. She will throw my clothes on the floor and then nag me about having clothes on the floor. She will cook for me once in a while, maybe times in the 2 years we have been living together and she will nag that she spends her time having to cook for me. I do the dishes, clean the floors, laundry, iron her cloths for work, take her on vacations, go on dates, compliment her, hold her hand, write her poems, kiss her in public, etc… But everything I do is not good enough.
I am do not understand what she is talking about, we have done many romantic things and kisses, but I guess reality is not good enough for her. I take care of my body, I workout, I make more money than her. She nags that other women look at me, I pretend that I do not notice.
She does not workout much, she has been gaining weight, and she must feel insecure. If we are watching a movie and a sexy women comes on screen she nags that I was looking at the women. If we are in public and a women comes in our view, she accuses me of looking at her ass, even if I was not looking. I feel like I am outgrowing her, and she is pushing me away with her nagging and not taking care of her body or own issues and being immature.
I am at my limit of this, if this is what is it is like when we are married I do not look forward to it at all. I want to work things out, but I am also thinking about moving on.
Find another girl who does not complain or nag you. Once the nagging starts, she has fallen out of love with you and wants to be free so set her free. Find one and marry her instead. How dare she even think to complain about the WAY you do it. It will only get worse if you get married. A woman who demands that she be treated like a princess will end up being selfish and nit picky.
You will not be able to please her or keep up with her demands. That sound like my wife. I do everything I work full time and she is at home all do doing god knows what I get home and the sink is full of dirty dishes I clean the bathroom and toilet I clean up after her dog and take him for walks cos she is to lazy but she still wants another puppy.
I take out the trash and bring the bins in she never does I always pay for everything when we go out for dinner or go shopping i work out and stay in shape.
But she just keeps bitching. This is because I eat healthy and work out and run a lot while she is gaining wieght her whole family is obese and she is heading in that direction yet she still tells me to get in shape but if I said anything like that to her she would chop my head off. I have no idea why all you men put up with this bullshit from your wives.
My wife would never dare speak to me or nag me the way many of you have described here. She never bitches or nags me at all. In my house, I have the freedom to do whatever I like and she leaves me alone when I want to be left alone. My wife and I have great sex, she appreciates me and loves me and is scared to loose me in her life.
She Wants to be free from you so do her the favor and divorce her nagging worthless ass and let her survive on her own without you. My wife is passive, she will not stand up for herself so that guarantees that I am in charge.
Never ever marry one of these modern smart ass women who think they run the world. I would never even screw one of them because their attitude makes me sick. Also, my wife is 10 years younger than I am so there is no question who is in charge and who is the older, wiser one.
I run the show. I can tell you right now that if my wife of 9 years even began to talk to me the way some of you described with all the nagging and bitching I would squash that shit in less than 1 second and make it clear that such comments and nagging will never be acceptable.
You have to select your wife carefully then everything will be fine. When you first begin dating, notice if she finds fault in little things or complains about little things you do. If you notice this behavior dump her as fast as you can and find another woman because this will only get worse as time goes on.
Many women in America are raised to be complainers by their mothers. There is an entire generation of young women who are total bitches to men. The only reason I put up with it is for my kids. Then my daughter will grow up, and start the cycle all over again with someone else. I know you have a hard day working. The entire world does. Everyone works their asses off every day just to stay alive. If I do the dishes, she takes them out of the dishwasher to re-arrange them how she wants.
You sound like me. I have to close the cabinets after my husband. How hard is it to close a damn cabinet door? TV left on, lid left up, clothes on the floor…I could forget everything if he would just wrap his arms around me and hold me once in a while. The only time he paid attention to me was when I was about to leave. That only lasted about 6 months, then it went back to him. I love him, and try to give him what he wants, but it is never good enough. I even made out with another girl for him.
All I want is to be held. Is that too much to ask for? I love him, but just not in love with him anymore because I feel like I am here to just provide services for him. I feel like I live my life stuck in two movies. How to loose a guy in ten days.
The other is 50 first dates. The bitch forgets everything important and we argue about the same shit over and over. I ask if we can get a month worth of arguing in one night since its the same thing. I need an automated response recorder to engage her in her one sided fights. She drives me crazy!!!!!
I did that when I was married. I was not happy. So many things were wrong in my marriage. I was insecure and so was he. I lost respect for him.
I was raised to stick a marriage out for better or worse. What happens when neither of us is emotionally secure to handle the worse? I resigned myself to being stuck and so did he until he cheated. For me it was an eye opening experience. I realized that the act of cheating itself is a symptom of a diseased marriage. I could have hung on and waited it out for my children.
I watched my parents fight all the time. I saw how they treated each other. My mother was a control freak and my father was passive. I loved my father dearly but I ended up marrying someone similar. When I made these connections I knew I wanted better for my kids and ended the marriage. The emotional well being surpassed my fear of living alone.
Whatever emotional baggage they carried into the marriage will remain there until they do something about it. I have never been happier, more free and more open and secure as a person as I am now. Their emotional well being is everything to me.
I had to do that for myself and realize this only after my marriage ended. All I know is why I was one in my relationship. I know there is a problem same as above mentioned by many men but is there any solution apart from separation? I have tried talking and so has he. However, the talks usually end up being over the same things. Nothing ever seems to get solved. It goes away for a while, until one of us gets fed up and says something then here we go again.
If you find a solution let me know. Then after she gets annoyed with your complaints, explain to her that this is how she makes you feel. I find it ironic that there are so many bitches and complaints about others bitching and complaining.. All of you need to grow up. You must have a small penis to be so ill and disrespectful to women. I wake up in great spirits. Saw the kids off to school, fixed a cup of coffee and enjoyed seeing the sun rising in the sky.
A technician will drop by later to fix the fridge. Need to mow, trim, and hope to get the oil changed and perhaps take in a movie with the wife. Its a blessing that we live in a house that we can afford to take care of, we have our health, my wife and I both have jobs, kids are doing great in school. Its a day to reflect on my blessings. I think dropping my head. Well it was nice while it lasted, about 72 minutes of bliss.
Its my wife, my partner in life, my friend, the mother of my kids, my lover…….. She rips into the fridge and starts cleaning it out. I feel the all too common adrenaline wave hit me knowing how the rest of the day will turn out.
I take a deep breath and begin to help. I think, where did that come from. I offer to take over so she can have time for herself. Again, I should have know better. This sets her off. She starts her rant about me, me, me. She loves to blame me for her insecurities. I back off not wanting to get into it for I know I could easily start my verbal assault if pushed much further. Well the path is set for the day, most likely for the holiday weekend. The dailey arguments over trivial issues will continue, I have no doubt.
This has been going on for more than 17 years. We talk, I hope, things are better for a week then the daily storm returns. Yep, I feel alone and sorry for myself but working a plan keeps my sanity. The plan is as follows: Never bring your loved ones into your feelings. Try to keep your temper in check, verbal assaults feel good but walk away after a short bout to make a point.
Else it is all noise. Figure out the best time to have the most important fact of life discussion with your kids. No not about sex, its about liking the parents of their future spouse.
Everyone forgets this most important assessment of your future spouse. Do you like the parents? For me, my wife is now a carbon copy of her mom.
Who is the most insecure queen bitch on the planet. Her dad is a mouse. Work out, stay fit, maximize your attaction.
For me, I have about 4 years to go but you never know what might happen. If the right woman come along before the 4 years is up, be ready to accept the stress and have your ducks in a row. While working your plan, always protect your family from the drama. Enjoy making a woman feel like a woman. Seek a woman that will enjoy my attentions and is secure with herself. Likewise, seek a woman that gets it.
That is to say they know what makes a man tick and enjoys making a man feel like a man. Your 3 is the most critical point and the one i wish I had understood. I realize now that I am him. Indy, thanks for a great little story and comment. Just wanted to point out a couple facts. You, me, our wives, anyone. Not to run away from the idea of marriage, but to be ready. Nothing would tell me more than my wife loves me than she praying for the whole family mind you, this is not my situation by any means.
Still, see point 1 , people change, so she may decide to change her mind on her role too. I also have a tip, and I think is an important one: This is a good indicator. If she and her mom keep on arguing, or if her sisters complain she is always in a bad mood, run away! Even if she seems to behave like a saint with you.
I am emotionally exhausted by the constant drip, drip, drip of nagging and complaining. Had enough I am looking for my own place.
My wife complains even when we have sex. Harder, Faster , omg its too big!. I am like so frustrated with life, I married a person that Loves me and puts up with all my bullshit, but when I wake up in the morning there she is sucking on my oscar mayer and pounding me like a tough flank steak to get me ready for the day. I swear I have been rode harder than seabiscuit and faster than secretariat. I mean you can only take so much and then when she finishes me off she complains because I lasted more than 3 strokes.
I mean what does a woman want. Does she really think she should be the one to wear the panties? I work it hard like she likes and she should just learn to take it. She can complain all she wants because I know in the end she is too lazy to complain about anybody else. Wow, just reading some of these comments by men already give me a headache! How can a wife complain so much??? I only thought these scenerios exist in movies. I love my husband and we both love our life. I am blessed with being able to stay home with our children newborn, and toddler while he works at his job.
If he has a job outside of the house, my job is inside of the house. Taking care of the kid. The house is clean, bed is done, dishes are washed etc. Who cares if there are water sppts of the toilet seat is up??? It will take 1 second to fix it, but more time to fight over it. If you praise him all day tell him how much you love him and how sexy he is, that leads to a nice fiesty time in bed.
Call him a loser, and expect to get rejected. He comes home, has a hot meal, rests a little, plays with the kids, and we either go to the gym together, yes you need to be active and healthy too!
Its so easy to demand perfection, but can you offer perfection?? When you do all that then see if you have a bad guy…this modern day stuff is ridiculous!!! For teaching meto be a real lady!! Ashley, you seem too perfect to be true. Still, I will give you the benefit of the doubt. If you are real, God bless you! Yea i feel ya pain mine bitches about me listeninig to music and anything i do man its insane. Just women are stupid.
If it wasnt for the sex id be queer lol i dont want to have sex cuz she bitch si much even thought of killing the bitch its that bad.
I love her cuz how it use to be but that rinh made her insane. O yea and when i do shit its never good enough forget i work 70hrs. A week and got to hear bitching about dishes. Not all are like that! So my wife just came in and after i told her i dont love her she apologized profusely. I have been married a little over 2 years I am currently active duty and work on average 12 hours a day. The house is a mess because I do not have time to clean.
So I am stuck between a rock and a hard place love the woman to death but I am getting fed up with bs and as far as the sex life ha that stopped before the first year. What do you want them to do, get a sex change? All those things are YOUR problem to deal with, with hormonal therapy if need be. Jesus H Christ, grow up!!! I suppose I am pleased and saddened that I am not alone.
Beautiful new house that she chose, stays home to look after our daughter because she wants to and we can afford it, brand new car fully paid for, is loved to bits by her husband but man alive she never stops complaining.
This is not a monthly cycle, it is constant whinging. Seems the more we try to please the worse it gets. I beginning to believe I prefer poverty, at least then there is a reason for the complaints. Imagine getting your first million dollars and seeing what options open up for you, restaruants, vehicles, art. Give yourself another million and are you really changing what you can do all that much? I just chanced upon this surfing the web…am I reading these posts correctly?
Is this a forum to complain about complaining? I do all the shopping, and errands as well. All that I can handle. Everything is about her, and everything I do wrong is about how I do it just to annoy her.
I folded a towel the wrong way. I missed a crumb or water spot on the counter when I cleaned the kitchen. One day she would want me to be dominant and aggressive, and the next she would want me to focus on foreplay for an hour. Somehow I would have to guess properly every time we had sex and if I got it wrong, she would turn into a major bitch right in the middle of the act.
She would get the kid and I know she would make the kid pay for my crimes against her. How sad is that? To be able to come home and just be myself. Fighting is pointless with her, as everything is always my fault. Sit around all day and play facebook games and then blame your pathetic life on me..
You put on your best performance to get a man you want and when you have him that fades away. Not every woman is like this. I do NOT nag my husband. It is all nothing but bull crap power struggles.
Let me just ease your minds here a bit. Yes women nag and nag the hell out of your asses, but admit it for once that they wouldnt nag you to death if you just stopped what you were doing and do some sweet talking in that moment because thats all she really wants is that attention.
Pick up after yourselves if you want your wife to feel sexy and not like an old maid. And women do need to realize that men lack common sense in relationships and personal communication skills in general. It is like trying to teach a gorilla how to put the toilet seat down they just might understand once you stop feeding them. Hooray for the women who work, bear children and still come home to a dirty house in which your husband or soon to be ex has been laying around playing video games all day.
I wish that men would stop acting as if other woman do not nag because guess what? They all do eventuall in life.. Have a lovely Day! I work all the time, earning good money but she moans over everything like bathing kids, what to cook, cleaning etc. She gets all worked up over nothing then starts crying and refuses to speak for days, I always seem to be the one trying to get back in her good books, even thou I have nt done anything most of the time.
This generation is clearly a bad batch. If hitler came back he would try and exterminate all the American white bitches. If she continues I take off for a few hours. It is not your job to make another person happy. That is their job, and theirs alone. Happiness is a choice. Almost every day I am able to choose happiness over being in a bad mood, being mean, etc.
Bitchy husband, or bitchy wife, no one has the right to treat you that way every single day or most of your life. Once upon a time, early in our marriage, I let my husband be a dictator.
One day, after 12 years of that nonsense, I decided no more. My girfriend wanted me to come over to her house for a few glasses of wine on the upcoming Saturday.
Obviously I might as well announced that I was planning an orgy would not include him.
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