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Excessive ogling is not healthy for either partner, especially when sex addiction is involved. Can looking be considered a compulsive behavior — one associated with a sexual addiction? The Science of Ogling Science says that checking someone out is driven by an evolutionary mechanism rooted in our biology and quest for the right mate to ensure offspring, says Robert L. Trivers in his famous Parental Investment Theory , which predicts which sex will be the fast, indiscriminate mating sex and which sex will be the more discriminating sex.
This is particularly significant for sex addicts. Maybe you are that guy. The one who rubbernecks while driving to look at an attractive woman. Men are visually-based creatures and respond to what they see more strongly than women, and science says that this behavior is rooted in evolutionary biology. For an addict, looking takes on more of an obsessive energy that feels like it is almost impossible not to look.
Our clients notice during these times that they stare the longest and fall more deeply into a trance. Oftentimes they are not even aware that they are staring at somebody. Wives or partners of the sexually addicted person often complain about this looking behavior — and how they feel it reflects on them.
When we work with men with sexually addictive behavior, we examine this looking element as part of the compulsive behavior. They essentially use looking as a tool to further their compulsive behavior.
Here are some tools we give our clients to avoid objectifying women and triggering addictive thoughts and behaviors.
Two-Second Rule A simple intervention is to use a two-second rule. This is essentially a self-monitoring tool to establish some control and boundaries around the looking. If this sounds awfully close to something you would do with a child — to set limits on computer use, watching television, etc.
This behavior is young and regressive. Most avid adult lookers have been doing so since childhood. The idea is if you are aware enough to slap a limit on the looking, then you are aware that you are crossing the line. A simple reminder, or mantra, is to remind yourself that a woman with whom you are not intimately involved is none of your business. She may not even know you.
She did not wear those clothes for you. She does not welcome you. You do not need to look. She Is A Person Obsessive ogling usually involves objectifying. Notice what you are saying internally or out loud. Remind yourself that object of your fascination is a person by lending her some humanity.
She is not an object. My husband was addicted to pornography years ago for a while and he also has lied to me about several things. He has a problem being honest. He stopped watching porn before we had met, however the bad thoughts and fantisies about other women continued. He would constantly stare at women and he used to flirt. Sometimes he comes off as flirtations in a subtle way.
He no longer has bad thoughts as he stated to me. However, i dont understand why he wont stop looking for the wrong attention from other women and why its so hard for him to accept that this is what he keeps on doing. He natural gets defensive and acts clueless or gets really angry in regards to this subject.
I believe its an addiction. Would pornography recovery meetings help? Good to hear from you K. I am into a year and a half relationship with someone who use to look at me like a queen. Now i swim by him in the pool in a bikini and hes consistantly sairing other women down.
Without a 2 second break. Until they leave the room actually. I am not insecure what so ever. I am not one to tell him to change his person.. You want it go get it. The other people must feel supper uncomfortable and probably think i am a fool. Bonnie, Good to hear from you. Mature, well rounded men stop doing that when they grow up and understand intimacy into-me-you-see. I was programmed from childhood both mother and father. My boyfriend has a sex based addiction too. His is not only porn, but paying women for personal videos of panty modeling and twerking.
I just found this out. By taking back my computer from him to do a test for work and finding the excessive amounts of porn and panty modeling videos, and he had synced his iPhone to it l, so I was able to see the requests from women, sent vids and payments. He uses everything from PayPal, venmo, Google pay, cash app…etc to pay these women for their vids and pics.
Our daughter will be one and I am pregnant again. He has been doing this the entire time I have been pregnant, as well as before this. His emails show this it goes back years. I can understand his addiction. But at the same time. If I am being stupid for staying with him. I have my own issues from the past. I have had a rocky road with men made poor choices, I have a B.
M fetish and I did struggle with sex addiction in the past. Put my children first. But he is not putting his kids, his girlfriend, his finances first. I hope he can try to commit to finding where the roots from this issue Is lying so he csn try to stop It. Men and some women are different some might not want to talk about it, they may have mixed memories or emotions about it.
He has never asked me to before, though I have sent him my own twerk vids before. But then again is tja t too much stimulation with it. I feel like with me it was better when I stopped it all then weaning with different addictions. Good luck to anyone struggling with addiction or being in a relationship with an addict, it can be a really hurtful thing, and long road. Heather, Good to heard from you.
However, there IS help and he can get over it. Let me know how we can bet help. He has never given me reason to believe that he is unfailthful or maybe unfaithful to me but his lingering eyes are really starting to bother me.
It not only makes me feel unfortable but very disrespected by the fact. I do agree that any one who is human will look at a beauty no matter what it is but I just find it that there are 2 different ways of looking. You can look at someone for a few seconds while your partner is with you and at least have the respect to make it look natural like your looking at something behind her or simply that she was in your field of vision. Then there is the obsessive look, which is what I feel my husband does, we were on vacation at one of the water parks, I was playing in the pool with the rest of the kids but he never joined to play because he was to busy staring at one particular women.
Even before the women set foot in the pool my husband was already staring at her. She moved from one side of the pool to the other he kept staring. He even went as far as to swim away from the people that were obstructing his way. Needlees to say I felt like shit. What should I do??? Karmen, Good to hear from you. The most important thing is to be very firm. Let me know if I can help you or him in any way.
Good to hear from you. Give me a call. I suffered from porn addiction too. I lost two good wives over it. Let GO of porn addiction. Life is WAY better without it. We have been together for 3 years. It was fairly early when I started noticing him stare at women, young or old, as well as teenage girls. To say it creeps me out is putting it mildly.
He pulled me into him. He breathed in my ear. I adore cute little old men, so when one contacted me online asking for a date, I happily agreed. We met in the dim, red, richly appointed lobby of a luxury hotel. We were both a little nervous. I had no idea what he looked like. I was relieved when one of the anonymous men standing around broke away from the faceless crowd and warmly approached me. I got instant good vibes from him. He resembled an Orville. He was small and neatly groomed, very dapper in his three piece suit, right down to his silver tie pin and cuff links.
With my elegant black dress and pearl necklace, we made a smart looking couple. He ordered me a glass of wine, which I sipped politely as we got to know each other on a velvet sofa in a cozy corner. He was from out of town. He summered in Cape Cod and wintered in Florida, having a home in both places, as well as one in Virginia. He had a wife of 45 years who was a good woman, but never touched him, not even holding hands while they watched a movie, lest he get the notion that this basic physical contact would lead to something more.
She had no interest in intimacy or sex — she found it distasteful and unnecessary — and expected him to follow suit. A lot of people think whores are homewreckers, when actually the opposite is true. They do a great service keeping marriages together. Many straight men NEED to sip from the cup of feminine energy just as they need to breathe and eat.
If their wife cuts them off, they will look for intimacy elsewhere, or suffer miserably. Would you like to know your asshole better? Do you wish you could stick things in it in a way that feels intensely amazing, but are not sure how?
Anal is one of the sex acts I get asked about the most, mainly from women who fear it, and men who want to explore it. Instead, she makes videos. For those who want to take it to the next level, there is the newly released Expert Guide to Advanced Anal Sex.
Bobbi Starr was so charming and special, I had to go look her up. Bobbi talks about how she only does anal for work because she can prep properly; apparently, sex at home is more spontaneous. But it totally is!
Tristan manages to include so much information into this video that you can easily flip between learning about how to give an enema to sitting back and getting erotically lost in an intense scene for three hours.
I dunno, there might be some hidden butt plugs I missed. Watching this video reinforced my respect for porn stars. They are such good, giving, game athletes. So refreshing to see people explore their sexuality in a shame-free zone. I love the conversations with the stars before they commence to fucking.
There is more eye contact and kissing than you would expect for anal. Watching them kiss is what is personally hottest for me. The actors have real chemistry and connection, they smile, appear relaxed, I get the impression they are friends in real life. I asked Jan-Willem where he lived, and if women were more in touch with their sexuality there. I wonder what countries or places are best for women to be more sexually authentic. However, Dutch women are not that in touch with their sexuality, I find women from warmer countries more open, especially Brazil.
I act out ravishing fantasies via gang bangs, threesomes, and roleplay. I like to joke that I am bi-furious! They would have their back to me, at their computers. Frustrated, I would give up, and they would resent me pressuring them. Thankfully, my current partner of ten years and I have well-matched libidos and great communication, so we both get our emotional and physical needs consistently met.
The film talks about a Man Drought: I tell you what — in the United States we have a maturity issue when it comes to men.
Patriarchy is the fear of the feminine AND mature masculine. Life keeps zipping along in a blur! I still want to write about the medical-themed play party I hosted in March! It was such a mindfuck. Love, Sweat and Tears menopause documentary review Recap of Tantra workshop Reveling in my latest threesomes Updates on my daughter, parents, struggle with booze. Last month, I gave a talk at The Ethical Society on Desire they will post a recording of it online soon. The very next day, Huffington Post published an interview with me about the work I do, and it generated a LOT of interest!
Every week is different, with its own set of challenges and rewards. I lose touch with reality. This has happened about six times in the past 18 months. I go from cranky and irritable to a full-blown maelstrom of emotions — all I can do is hang on and ride it out. You can climb around and explore so many levels — from the rooftop to the underground caves!
Listen to my friend Max talk about the interactive features of this hardcore unique museum. Kids love this place, and so do adults. Seriously, I love taking people there. Shameless Grounds is a rare gem — we are SO happy to have it! The food is really good! They host so many great events and have a sex library! We cross pollinate all the time, and the entire community benefits! Not only are they spectacular beasts, but they offer better hospitality than most people — free beer!
If you like art, you better get your ass to our incredible Art Museum. Be sure and say hi to my boyfriend he may or may not practice Responsible Hedonism…:. One placed sucked my soul, the other place nourished it…. Otherwise, the security guard stationed next to every piece of art will cut you.
They had a fun Prohibition exhibit a while back, as well as one on Lingerie throughout the decades. And Little Black Dresses! They have a great marble selection in their gift shop! I have a lot of them in my bedroom…. And if you like history, The Campbell House Museum downtown is splendid. Our ZOO is one of the best. Every year, they update a section so it is better for the animals, and fun for all us gawkers.
One of these days, they will get around to the lions and tigers and bears, oh my! Get your geek on at the Science Center. This is one of those places I go when I want to have a ME date. Last week, I posted about a fantasy I wanted to make happen in real life with Matthew and Lana.
Today, I detail how things really went down. You be the judge — which is hotter, the fantasy, or the reality? First of all, my fantasy included cum play and cream pies, which involves risky behavior. All parties need to trust each other and get tested.
Now we were ready to make it happen! We were all SO excited — the fantasy matched each of our desires perfectly. Anticipation served as foreplay all day — all week, really. The evening started with us chatting over drinks and catching up.
Sure, we were throwing down, but we were doing so in style. Candles were lit, and romantic Brahms played in the background. I wore a neutral, mesh teddy that accentuated my curves and nipples. She wore a short little black teddy with pink lip prints all over it. He started things off by cuffing my hands behind my back. I tried resisting just for fun, but it was like slicing into soft butter with a sword — no contest. Then, he sat me down on a small tan tuffet at the foot of the bed, fashioned from a folded blanket.
I was out of the way, and in position. She stared at our exchange, wide-eyed. Then, he turned his attention towards her. She stood there, looking up at him expectantly. He kissed her, hands roaming over her body, caressing her breasts through the gauzy fabric of her teddy. He spun her around and kissed her neck and shoulders.
She moaned slightly as he pressed his swollen cock against her soft panties. He pulled her lingerie off, caressing her now exposed nipples, kissing her neck hungrily until she almost came. He stopped short of her explosion…. In my last post , I told you about a twisted, romantic fantasy I had, and how we were going to act it out in real life with Lana. Today, I am posting the fantasy. Next week, I will post how it played out in real life. How did it match up? How was it different?
Which is better — the fantasy, or the reality? You set the scene, and get me situated. Restrained, I can only quietly observe what is about to transpire. Then, I watch you seduce beautiful Lana, standing there, kissing, hands roaming. Next, I imagine you in bed together, a sheet over you, seeing your big, bristling, muscular shoulders and chest compared to her smaller frame. You do whatever slow foreplay, oral or whatever, but I imagine you sucking on her breast as she gently tugs on your cock.
You have to be inside her. Sure she can enjoy it, but this is for you, so you can finally fill her with cum and mark her, after knowing her for more than a decade. I sat in a chair at the foot of the bed, fully dressed, wrapped in a soft blanket, goblet in hand. She, on the other hand, was naked and blindfolded on the bed, being worked over by two muscular, horny men.
She looked so gorgeous and vulnerable in the warm, dim glow of the bedroom chamber. I pretended that I called for them and that this was my entertainment of choice for the evening — to watch a lady-in-waiting get stripped of her gown, used, and impregnated. Back then, we had no idea what this Nuru gel was all about. We wondered if it was a gimmick. It made for a very special evening. It was like an adult waterpark. We finally realized we had to carve out time with each other in order to have special dates, so one week I went out with the husband, and Matthew had a date with the wife a couple nights later.
I wore a pretty, silky jade dress. I felt a little nervous! I was excited to finally have a chance to talk and bond with him in an intimate manner.
We had sex once before, months ago, but it was a totally different feel — anonymous and clandestine, with no words exchanged. So even though I had a sneak preview of his prowess, tonight felt brand new. It's great for casual dating. A must visit place for singles. Join an casual interest group. You can meet casual swingers. Find a hot gay date. Meet sexy single lesbians. Top rated sex personals.
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