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It makes sense, right? So when I got this letter from a follower the other asking about a really common sexual problem, I asked them if I could share it on my blog. They gave me permission to share it along with my response on here.
I love your blog and articles and I was wondering if I could ask you something. My husband and I have an overall good marriage. We care about each other, there have never been any big problems like affairs or drugs, and we do a lot of things together as a family.
That issue is sex. He wants it all the time! I have tried telling him to stop pressuring me and I might want it more but nothing seems to work. Thanks for being a fan! This is a very typical problem for a lot of couples. What normally results is something like you described: When this happens sex starts feeling more like a chore instead of a connection resulting in lots and lots of fights.
Underneath it all, sex is a way for couples to connect on an intimate, romantic and vulnerable level. With that, it carries an extra level of meaning and importance in a relationship — which is often why there are so many fights about it.
The HDP wants to have sex usually because they want to feel connected. The LDP usually wants to feel connected first before they have sex. If you would do X Y or Z first, that would really help me get in the mood so we can have a rocking time together.
Another thing that may help is to talk about sex together as a way to emotionally connect, not just as a physical gratification. Sex is an emotional and intimate thing and should be treated as such. Talk with each other about it on an emotional level. Mind if we do X Y or Z first?
I really want to show you that I love you but I am just not in the mood right now. What can I do to help you come? Hope this helps for now. I have to comment on this. I have a similar experience… I was this girl, maybe 14 years ago. I had no idea who to talk to about the problem, and I wanted to keep the peace, so I acquiesced whenever he wanted it, without complaining. As the years went by however, I really started dreading it.
I was sick and tired of sex. Finally I decided to talk to him about it. I told him how I felt, but it made him so angry he gave me the silent treatment for more than a week.
I had read somewhere that scheduling sex for every saturday worked for some couples in this situation, so to try and break him out of the silent treatment, I offered that suggestion. He was not happy, but agreed to try it. This didn't work either. This sex issue is serious, but also complicated. Wow you are kinda selfish: Maybe you should just put him out of his misery that would be better.
Why should someone keep on having sex if they find it revolting? Maybe she should leave him…. What is it about sex that makes it revolting for you? Is it a lack of pleasure, distaste for the naked human body, bodily functions, or poor past experience, etc? I agree it can be complicated. Different situation from yourself, but I suffered from chronic UTI problems for over 2 years and although medical-related, combined with regular daily responsibilities, I let it kill my libido.
My husband was patient and we took things slowly. Now my drive is in a good place, but it took a lot of work to get here. Frustrations, fear and pain. This behavior is not conductive to resolving anything! Though I can appreciate that he has some pent up energy figuratively and literally.
Obviously she likes to think the good in people. Which sounds like he is simply objectifying her and looking at her as a receptacle for his pleasure. The therapist said that men have sex to feel close, and while that is true, not all men have sex to feel close. I see nothing in the story the points to he wants to be close to her and love her I think that the therapist is wearing rose-colored glasses.
My husband wants to have sex all the time and for me to pay attention to only him when he is off of work. He works every other week on the night shift.
It has gotten to the point that if I have to pay bills or do housework after a long trip, I am ignoring him. We have sex constantly. I wish he only wanted it every two or three days. I love my family, but I am tired of having to constantly give in to his needs. I have the need to be left alone and have some personal time. I have kids who need attention. We have been together sixteen years. To me that kind of behavior naturally fades at least to some extent over time.
He still expects girlfriend level attention. Hi, just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. He is a major attention hog always has been. He wants all eyes on him and always. We also have an issue with sex. He most definitely has a higher sex drive and wants sex every single day, multiple times a day, for three years straight. He is constantly trying to advance with me no matter where we are or what we are doing.
Ass grabbing, boob grabbing, will even slip his hand down to my genital area and this is on a daily basis. I usually shut him down because we have gotten to the point that sex seems more like a chore than pleasure. The last year or so has been rough because my sex drive has plummeted.
He is still that man underneath the insane sex drive. I remember hearing over and over for years that communication is the key to a successful relationship and I honestly think our communication about our sexual life does not exist.
I have thought about it and decided that I am going to sit him down next weekend and we are going to discuss things on a large scale. I sincerely believe that MOST women need to have non sexual intimacy in order to want sex. Hand holding, cuddling, smiles and laughs. We are emotional creatures and need emotional stimulation. I am going to explain this to my husband. He used to demonstrate these things very frequently with me but with all of the tension for so long it has died down. I think if he can renew this with me I will be more than attracted to him all over again and ready to rumble.
Ill remind him that time alone makes you miss someone and more appreciative of their presence. You are not alone! Hi Anonymous, Sorry for the slow reply. And sorry to hear about your situation. Yeah, the whole scheduled sex thing hardly ever works.
Sex is supposed to be spontaneous, passionate and fun. Scheduling it makes it seem more like a chore. No wonder you resent it. I'm sorry to hear that your partner gave you the silent treatment after you tried talking about it. That never helps things — for you or him.
Like I said in this post, sex is an expression of intimacy. If you're not feeling passionate or intimate sex will be boring and dreadful. See if that helps your sex at all.
Feel free to drop me a line and I'd be happy to answer you more in depth if you don't mind it being a blog post. What you aren't addressing here is the lack of mutual respect.
My husband wants sex all. He is the HDP, and his libido hasn't slowed down in 20 years, so he acuses me of being old.
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