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For many years, the Flyer did a "Hotties" issue around Valentine's Day. We chose 14 Memphians of various ages, genders, and sexual proclivities and did a big photo shoot. It was a little, er, shallow, yes, but it was also fun and readers mostly liked it — and we had a few good parties. Hotties had a nice run, 10 years or so, but this year we decided to change it up, to cut to the chase, so to speak.
And though it's impossible to neatly sum up a city's sexuality, Memphis, like all cities — like all humanity, for that matter — has had a long relationship with sex — good, bad, and indifferent.
As a frontier river town, we drew the rough trade, back in the day — on Beale Street and elsewhere. If you go upstairs and look around, you can still feel the vibe. And the Memphis strip club scene in the s and s was legendary for free-wheeling raunchiness.
Mention Platinum Plus to someone of a certain age, and prepare to hear some stories. Memphis therapists on intimacy, porn, sex apps, and building better relationships. Jennifer Valli has some good news about your sex life. People assume everyone else is having more sex than we are, so we must be dysfunctional. Then if we ARE having dysfunction, we don't ask for the help we need to get better. Especially in the Bible Belt, many people have only had sexual education from a "shame-based approach.
They talk about what you're not supposed to do, and there's little emphasis on pleasure and the good things about sex. You don't talk about the healthy parts," such as a boosted immune system and longer lifespan. Perversely, shame works both ways. You can feel shame because of your sexual desire, or you can feel shame because the media has given you unrealistic expectations.
You're probably doing pretty well. Four to seven minutes is average intercourse, so if you can make it that long, you don't have premature ejaculation. We can work on it going a little longer, but we have to ask if your partner even wants it to be longer. If you're doing something that's consensual and feels good to you, and you are feeling shame about it, go talk to someone. Decide if the behavior needs to change or if it's the shame that needs to be let go.
Garner, a licensed clinical social worker with a Ph. They come to me largely to try to reconnect and recreate intimacy. Inside an established relationship, you have to understand that sex develops organically when it has the opportunity.
So you have to have an environment where sexuality can blossom and be really great. Valli, who teaches medical students at the University of Tennessee Health Science Center, says she's trying to ensure that health-care providers have good information and are willing to talk frankly about sex to their patients.
The old Southern family doctor's standard advice, "relax and have a little wine," is a terrible idea, she says. She says doctors and patients have to be open to communicating, but once again, shame gets in the way.
For people who are dating, Garner has three key pieces of advice for maintaining good sexual health. First, get to know yourself. That includes understanding your emotional attachments to your potential partners, how sex might affect those attachments, and what you want out of sex. I'm not against it, but you can have too much of a good thing. Some feminists are anti-porn.
They think it's degrading to women. Some feminists are pro-porn, who feel like women have been shamed for sexuality forever, and they should be able to watch it and be in it if they want to, and they should do it without shame. Second, "Direct and honest communication is incredibly important," says Garner. The more euphemism and colorful language you use, the more obscene you come off. So just say what you mean. Third, practice what Garner calls "ongoing consent.
I'd really like to have sex in these positions. Are you down for that? And ask between positions if it's still okay. You don't want to sound shy. You can just go, 'This feels amazing to me. Consent is an ongoing process. In the smartphone age, dating apps like Tinder, Grindr, and Bumble are increasingly popular. This has been hailed as a sea change in the way we find our mates, but both Valli and Garner say it's just a new spin on the ancient art of sexual selection.
The benefits and hazards are the same, they're just coming at you faster. So that's five people you've been rejected by in five minutes. It normally takes five minutes to be rejected by just one person. You message somebody, and they can go 'Oh my god, you're so hideous. Why would I talk to you?
We have more opportunities for success, but we also have more opportunities for rejection and abusive remarks. It's important to put yourself out there, but then recognize when you're becoming too hurt to keep up and take a break again. Valli says taking the pressure off yourself is the first step toward a healthier and more rewarding sex life. Some are single mothers, saving money for their children's future. Some are aspiring entrepreneurs, hoping to one day open a business.
Many are students, paying off debts. I have lost friends and gotten into fights with family members over my choice of employment. I've definitely figured out who's worth my time. In Manhattan, she attended Parsons School of Design, then took a year off to work at a record label.
It was easy in New York. She faced a different reality in Memphis. Dancing provided that financial support. She says the club is the most diverse business she's been to in Memphis, in terms of staff and clientele. She's more comfortable performing on stage, a strength pertinent to an electronic-pop project named Ray Manta she shares with her partner.
An inquiring mind on Reddit wanted to know the answer to the question we're all probably asking ourselves, adding, "I want to get some thrills before I get too old. Maybe someone did it in Bass Pro, hidden behind a stuffed grizzly. Or maybe someone got frisky at AutoZone Park between, er, innings.
And who among us has not considered a risky frolic on the Big River Crossing? The woods at Overton Park was the first — and probably most obvious — answer, followed by another time-tested suggestion: Another person said to "dress up like hobos and do it in an alley," which seems a bit risky, but whatever.
It would be dirty, at least. One responder suggested the kite-flying area at Shelby Farms, claiming he'd "done his thing" within sight of Walnut Grove.
Hopefully, his kite stayed up. The most controversial answer was "behind Bellevue Baptist at night," which led to a sub-thread on the "three giant crosses" and religious freedom, which wasn't sexy at all. Redditors also suggested "the gas station parking lot at Poplar and Cleveland," "small parks in Germantown and Collierville," and "your mom's house. Nothing chums the waters for a Memphis media feeding frenzy like a sex story. We're not talking about the sad ones in which people are hurt and lives are shattered.
Jacqueline McKee made pulses race in many ways way back in , when the thenyear-old took it all off and more at a Bartlett playground.
McKee, who was a porn star at the time, with her own pay-to-view adult website called "Foxy Jacky," got nekkid and lounged on "various pieces of playground equipment. Area moms proclaimed they'd never take their children back to that park. I mean, where had she been?! The Flyer 's Bianca Phillips talked to McKee back then and asked the most obvious but most necessary question first:.
I'm on an adult website, and it features me and my husband and sometimes just me alone. My members like public shots. They can e-mail me and tell me what they'd like me to do next. I'm trying to do a lot of public shots. I'll definitely be shooting more in public places in Memphis, Collierville, and Germantown. They're going to have to get used to it. Police visited McKee at her home after the incident.
It isn't clear if they ever charged her with anything. But she did comment on the situation in a follow-up video, in which she was wearing an official SCSO shirt and badge. Memphis-area police were likely baffled or likely not by the moans, huffing, and puffing breaking the static of their radios back in Sources said at the time about 30 cops and anyone with a police scanner in the Mount Moriah area heard Memphis Police Department MPD officer Dion Anthony getting it on in his squad car with an unknown woman.
Investigators at the time said they weren't sure if Anthony hit the button on his shoulder radio or the car's console. Either way, "It's possible he didn't follow proper procedure," said a police spokesman at the time.
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