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I am not a flake. I've had my share of way too many females respond in the past, and if simply talking to you is difficult, you probably will not be able to keep up with me in bed (I'm not trying to be a dick or anything, just being honest). Laid back womans only.
You can figure out if a gal has a boyfriend very easily, because…. Pull his card by suggesting a trade or having him give you his number so you can call him back from your cell phone. Make plans with him during conspicuous times of the evening. If you manage to get inside unannounced, look around his office for any pictures laying face down or calendars half-stuffed into desk drawers.
Wear a lot of perfume. Make sure you get it all over him and see if he starts getting nervous. Invite him out on special occasions. Punches have been thrown over attempted hickeys, so you might want to just fake it. Good Luck Out There! If she finds out and bounces, you still have more chicks. Until that time, she gave you everything she had, instead of holding out to try to blackmail you into a relationship. I met his bro and his boys and his nephew but he does not take me out like that that much.
He says he has to work at rent-a-center from 9am to 7: If you doubt whether he works at the store, hang out near the store at 9am and at 7: Ok here is my situation,,,,,English its not my first language so,,,,sorry for some misspell words,,,,,.
You have an extremely complex situation here. You are lucky because you have so much information about him in so little time.
You have a head start in this situation…. Here in NYC, I could take a chick out on 5 dates in one week. Women having kids, jobs, etc is only a set of obstacles which lessen your access to her. Texting instead of calling is no big deal.
No time wasted finding numbers and dialing and waiting for the rings and then hearing the answering machine then leaving a message… Nope!.. Overall, this sounds like a good and fun situation. By the way I am curious to see what frank has to say on my post….. I guess to find out what its going on its to just ask him,,,,but see then we fall in the category of defining what are we. Cammack… Yours is probably not the only cushion his pin is being jabbed into.
As for the hickey thing, my only question regarding that is where and how bruised? I had a young lady attempt to do that to me when i was younger and it was quite easy to hide because her attempt to mark the territory landed below the collar line of any shirt i owned.
I was able to convince the next chick that she was responsible since she did not see it on me beforhand. If his friends and family think he is single but dating, introducing you to them is not that big a deal. And meeting kids… I have casually dated many women with kids and I met many of them. And another perosnal aside… I am positive that I was so in love with my lifestyle that 1 a girl or two wound up feeling used because i didnt retrurn the emotinal investment that they put in and 2 i probably maybe walked away from the woman i should already be divorced from.
As for asking only leads to defining… Maybe you need to define! I would think it would be easier to know up front that Im very attracted to you but dont see myself settling down than to have ou thinking you arethe one who can change me. At some point one of the 2 of you will have sum questions or explanations to give. But yeah, i think u are one of at least 2. Sex is sex and if im not getting from you… Im getting some where! He may very well be telling you the truth that he finds you extraordinarily intelligent amongst the women he dates.
He very well might. Single or not Im too old and too dependent on my check to look silly and have my staff view me as silly. Dude, you just gave the girls a way to hang all men who are apt to stray. Not that this will affect me!! Booooooooooo,booooooooo duck the flying lettuce booooooo there comes the tomatoe , boooooooooo, booooooooooooooo oh and the empty Modelo especial beer bottle , boooooooo… Sorry, had to speak up for the silent majority.
I learned years ago, to keep everyone in the circle smelling similar. Every so often, a brotha needs to sell out and take one for the team MY team, that is! In the best-case scenario, she trusts him and he trusts her and live is lovely. A lot of my DatingGenius material is specifically designed to help people think outside of the box when it comes to their relationships.
Ok Ladies, there is a difference to being proactive and just crazy! If I call u from work at all times except after 5, well then I might just not be at work. You may actually just be my shawty and NOT my gf. Fellas, amp up the game stop being cheap. Sweety whats that I smell on you? I know but smelling it kept you on my mind all day. If so what do they think of your opinions? I know what I said was descriptive but trust… I know many men who have applied said nonsense to elevate their game to new levels.
I know men who have given the SAME gift to several woman I will confess to having done it when I was younger , what better way to keep track of that convo?
I know a few. A group of 7, we always had one saying to describe the hunt; In a city full of deal closers, we are the best closers in the game! Some still live by that motto and others like me have moved on.
BUT keep in mind, should this relationship falter… Yeah it sounds dirty but take notes. If i was to join the team again, or start my own-Mr. Cammack, you could come be a closer with us! I always joke around with my girl about what i could do or get away with.
Thanks for the invite, man. Obviously no one meant that ALL women find it hard to hear the truth. My question is, if you as a guy know a girl is not picking up on your clues do you have a moral obligation to be a little more direct with her? For instance, a friend of mine is messing with a musician. Her response to that? Good luck with THAT! For those men I have a note for you. Agreed, haha… In a perfect world, everyone would be nice to everyone and have the same beliefs and get along famously.
Cheating, divorce and STD statistics are through the roof. In most cases, no. If she had heard the truth, she would have been mad for a while and then gotten over it.
Guys save women that roller coaster ride by keeping information on a N2K basis. If any guys are reading and taking notes about the simple pimp move of buying everyone the same perfume, thats all good because you too just read it.
Growing up is what many of us have done which is why we can joke about this stuff at this point in life. Yes, I did the buy 4 girls the same keychain from VS once just for the hell of it, but no, I would not do so now! Buying two chicks the same perfume — Gangsta! I do think woman need to listen to the playas in the crowd and ake notes. How ever disgusted you may be, archive what you just heard, it will probably come in handy for you or a friend later. I think women are much much muchhhh smarter than what you guys really play them out to be.
He goes our with you all the time? He gave you his number? To a Cell Phone? A phone he carries around on his person? Or do you mean he gave you the number to a physical land-line that stays in a house somewhere? How do you know when his days off are? Do you know his supervisor? Does that make sense? So anyway, I hope your situation works out for the best, but nothing you said in your comment has anything to do with my post.
They can do what they want, while keeping the other person blind to reality. I get that most people cheat! Men and women alike but we need to realize people do get hurt emotionally when people play games with others hearts! They want what we got;. He was telling me we were going to get married. I bust him with email to her on thanksgiving.
He leaves no argument no nothing just told me that he was going over my moms then moves all his stuff out the next day. Dam do I have stupid written on my forehead.
I don't want to call this a relationship because I don't believe there's a future for us as a couple. I might want kids and marriage at one point, but not with this friend. Me calling this "friends with benefits" is me trying to be honest about this, and not a manipulative user. I won't cut it off if I'm encouraged to continue, even after I've restated how I think about this situation.
I think my message is pretty clear. It doesn't need to be as mean as the comment above me states, but I agree that you're not safe if you want a true relationship. Andrew- I broke up with my ex over five months ago although I did love him very much and still do. We are both 46 he has never been married and no children, as for me I'm thirteen years divorced with teenagers.
I choose to break it off because I felt overwhelmed, he had lots of financial issues, still lived at home with his mom, couldn't stand his job, complained about his job, and the lack of pay that he was making. We only fought when it came to money, or when I tried encouraging him to look for other work. It hurt to break it off it really did but I felt that all the talks we shared in the beginning were just a bunch of lies. He had a seven year relationship with his last GF but apparently ended by her because he lack of motivation, job changes and possibility scared of commitment.
From the start I was real upfront and told him that I didn't want a boyfriend and that I was looking for a Husband. We very rarely were intimate and not by my choice, in fact I had to practically beg for it.
I'm very independent take care of myself and strive to improve my life with every change that I get. He claimed that he never kept in touch with ex's in the past so being friends was strange. Do I just except that he doesn't want anything to do with me.
We actually ran into each other driving to work the other day as I pulled behind him twice at the stop sign he acted like he didn't even notice it was me Im truly sad by his actions. I will highly appreciate your quick advise. I was in a casual relationship wid a Men from 5 years.. In Fact,It was serious relation at times too. Hee use to express marrying me indirectly at times so there were hopes and I was in love with him so I continued relation as we were friends too However,He use to always delay all action.
One day,I found out he was hiding one relation from me.. He got engaged with his friend who was seen at times with him and never even informed me. I was shocked as he intended to still be wid me.. He met me even after he got engaged..
He kissed me and said, he still likes me a lot.. As soon as I found out,I immediatedly blocked him from my life.. I Cut Him from all newtrorking sites,etc.. I felt sick and went through hell.. He called mee and messaged,emailed both.. I do Love him but I want to use my head this time.. Morever,I found he lied to me a lot in all 4 years as he was seeing HIS Friend who I doubted many times but he kept denying making me feel guilty.. Dunno as I am Very confused However,I have been attached to him..
At same time,I don't want to be treated badly so I dint feel lik responding to him dis easily.. He is still not saying sorry.. Will he contact again and what should be the right way?? I will appreciate your Insights on Men's mindset and what goes on in their mind when they do this and when ex does not reply to them? I will call myself Annonymous Unpredictable life.. Hi Andrew, Hi Everyone, Please reply with your kind feedback?
Old post with no follow-up but I have say - I hope you gave up on this loser. You gave a classic list of traits for Men That Quality Women Avoid, and not a single good reason for why you would want to stay in contact with him - as what, a friend?
If nothing else, just accept Andrew's advice "no, you can't be just friends. At this point in my life I am living alone,I have to be because of where I live I have the pic of when we first met,up on my book case I am in a bit of a tuss,but just carry on,and Dear Andrew, After staying silent with my ex for about 3 months now he decides to send me a text saying "Just want to say I'm sorry for using you.
The night before I decided to block him on FB and make a promise to myself saying it's not worth my time caring about him anymore if he always doubts me and takes for granted how loyal I was to him.
He's always going back and forth between me and another girl who is now my friend. People say for me to be cautious of her but in no point of time did we ever get mad at each other, we just got mad at him. I don't know what to do. He graduated, so he's leaving after this summer after that I'll never be able to see him again.
People don't see what I see in him. They keep on telling me I'm a good-looking girl why am I wasting time on this guy who's just scum?
I don't know maybe it's because I thought if he realized that if I showed that I still haven't given up on him he would finally get it and come around. He's been there for me when I needed him most, and despite all of his paranoia that me becoming closer with his other ex which he planned for but backfired was me trying to be out to get him it was the opposite.
I haven't responded to him. Should I continue not to? I don't think he'll ever not take me for granted or stop being hung up on this other girl either. I think he always comes to me whenever he feels she's not treating him right because he knows I'll always be there for him. Now don't mistake this as me loving him, I protected myself from doing so when I started the relationship. I put that wall up because I knew he was graduating so it would be silly of me to do so.
I just care about him a lot and of course feelings come along with that. That's where his ego comes in because he likes to feel that I liked him first and that he broke up with me which was the opposite. The other girl said that he was just using me for revenge. But he promises that his feelings for me were real.
We all at one point were trying to figure out who was lying to who? I remained honest and open the entire time. The other girl apologized for lying to me about some things and I forgave her which surprised her. My friends were like those 2 ugly people were made for each other.
I however still see the good in both of them. I don't know should just give up on this guy? Will he never learn his lesson? That I'm not out to get him? That I was always there for him and this is how he treats me? I feel like this doesn't cover everything even close but that this is enough information to be given input on. Please help a part of me wants to go see him but I don't trust myself to not want to fall back in the same habits with him.
The other part of me is happy that I didn't give in to him in more ways than one. Will I be lowering my self-worth if I choose to give him another chance? I don't think I can be just friends with him and not have some sort of feelings for him.
And I'm a natural flirt which would probably not help. Any advice is appreciated. You seem lovely, but what the? Please don't take it the wrong way, but this dude admitted via text that he used you and you still want to be with him? Go as far away as possible from someone like that. Don't let him take away your dignity.
If he really wants a clean shot, he will have heaps of winning you over to do - I doubt he will return though. Please, for your own dignity, as hard as it is let it go. One lesson does become a little easier with time, though: I had the exact same situation like Brooke as my ex texted me saying he was thinking about me and I was polite but not super friendly when I responded to him. The truth is I miss him terribly and I wish he had never dumped me, but he did.
In my heart I want us to get back together but I know I need more self respect than I would show by getting back in so quickly. I know that if we started dating right away again he would treat me bad and take me for granted like he always did. So even though it is killing me not to talk to him, I never contact him.
I figure if he wants to talk to me, then he can get in touch with me. This article was exactly what I needed to read to reaffirm my decision. Hi Everyone, I came across Andrew's blog yesterday for the first time. My ex and I dated for about 7 months.
He broke up with me in May but we continued to see each other as "friends" and spent the whole summer together, traveling and also last fall. Eventually, things fell apart at the end of January and by spring, we stopped talking to each other. I was always the one to send texts "how are you? What are you up to? I got on with my life and sent my last text to him in June and said that was it. I went out and lived my life. Had a few bad dates - sigh- but did stuff on my own, including vacationing, and have grown stronger.
Out of the blue, he texted me last Tuesday - said he hoped I had a good Labor Day and wondered how I was doing. I was thinking of responding this week, with pictures of my beach vacation granted, I went by myself but wouldn't tell him that but I got another text yesterday. He again said he was wondering how I was doing and hoped everything was good. I am 41 and he is I read somewhere, maybe here as well, that texting is a cop-out and I totally agree. It is an easy way out. The big one and probably impossible to know but why do you think he is contacting me?
I have read so many words of advice that say not to text back and wait for him to call, because, a call is saying that a person truly cares about another. Plus, making him wait will make him wonder. I don't even know how I really feel now. I tried to put him in the past but I still have feelings for him and we had such a good time together.
We made each other laugh and I enjoyed his company. But, there were issues, things he did that I later apologized for and shouldn't have done that. So, do I text him back and tell him to call me? I am curious as to why all of a sudden he is texting me. Thanks for your help! Or if you need any more information, let me know. Andrew, I am glad to run into this post. I have recently went through a breakup dating this guy for 4 months.
I was the one ending it because I found out that he was lying to me about seeing another girl. I was glad that he took his online dating profile offline when I asked him to, but I also find it shady of him to tell me that he's not seeing anyone to me and then does it behind me back. He basically took his conversation with the other girl offline. I told him to take some time and think about his actions because it's pathetic. It not only tells me that he's not that into me, but he's also respecting me and that he's a lying scumbag.
Also his apology via text is shit and take some real actions if he want to show his sincerity. Though I broke it off, I know that I left it open ended so he can decide I hope it's not a stupid choice It has been a few days and I have not heard from him, and in my mind, I think it ended I am trying very had restrain myself from contacting him.
I am very hurt considering I was the one who breaks it off You already know the truth. But yes,leaving things open-ended, just sputtering out to nothing - that makes it harder to close the book and move on. I just broke up with my boyfriend. I told him talking is not fair to either one of us. He responded back with he is sorry he lost me,and I will always have a place in his heart. Do I stay silent or answer back? It's been two years and I'm sure you answered this yourself one way or other, but if you want an amicable, but FINAL, ending to it - you answer politely, briefly, and firmly "I wish you all the best, take care.
I broke up with my bf apprx a month ago. This was really important to me. Since then, i have ensured we have had no contact whatsoever. Suffice to say, this didn't work out. Last week, he messaged me asking how I was, what i had been up to and what he had been up to.
Then almost immediately after that text, he told me he had met someone a week after we split who blew him away. Apparently she is so amazing, and he has never felt this way about someone. He also told me, that she is like me, but is the same nationality as him, which makes them better suited.
He then said he didn't really know why he felt the need to tell me, but that now i had to deal with it. I fully expected him to move on, and that maybe in time should we reconnect on a friends basis, that he could tell me, maybe a bit more tactfully but not like this?
I have not replied. I have and will treat all of my ex's with respect because I never date anyone I don't admire. Even if my husband would leave me today - I am a better woman for have loving him. For me it's that simple and never about playing head games.
I'm too smart and classy for that and so are the men that have loved me. I recently ended an eleven month long distance 4 hours drive relationship. It was one of those where I ended it basically because I was pulling the trigger calling him on his remoteness. At one point I left the ball in his court but it was clear he used my addressing his apathy as an opportunity to back off, because we both acknowledged long distance was very difficult.
Yet, I felt we were both still in love. He tried to call, text a couple of times after our serious discussion and I let him know I couldn't just be friends, and it was time to fish or cut bait basically.
Still it was in his court. He could have made the grand gesture and resurrected it then, but did not. So my question is, doesn't the cutting him off concept lack some power since in long distance you already, are not together all the time, you are forced to be used to being apart some times for 2 to 3 weeks at a stretch.
So, once you say goodbye, even though you have had great times isn't it easier for him to just move on and not contact you. Also, how hard is it for the guy, if the woman actually broke it off even though he had a choice to save it to get over his bruised ego and make the move to contact her again?
You gave him the choice to fish or cut bait. He cut bait, so stop holding on to the fishing line hoping he's still on the other end. He broke up with me the first time, I asked him to be sure about it and left him alone. The next day he called me to tell me he wants to work things out so I agreed.
Things were fine and then suddenly he broke up with me the second time and he says it is for real both by skype , this time I just agreed with him and ignored his subsequent "goodwill parting lines". The next day, he asked if I wanted to, we could meet up and talk. I personally do not see the point off facing a face to face second rejection this time if he is feeling guilty and wants to talk further about why he wants to end the relationship, unless he wants to talk things out for it to work again, then it doesn't make sense.
I want to know what is he thinking? So this guy just broke up with me just two days ago and kept advocating on the fact that it is over for good and it's "goodbye forever" as he puts it.
I asked him are we still going to talk, in which he replied with "maybe after a few month passes by". I sent him a closure message, something along the lines of we had a lot of great memories, wishing you the best for the future, and etc. I am so confused. Please shed some light on this situation for me! He maybe has good intentions, but from my own experience it's usually just because he wants to sleep with you. My ex fiance did that at first and even though I'd go over and put up boundaries I never slept with him after we broke up the first time and only time , he always pushed for sex while he promised to get back together and plan the wedding we were supposed to have, haha.
If you do go over there or go out to dinner with him, be sure you know what you would do if he pressed you to sleep together. If you want to see if there is something more, don't sleep with him for a while few dates or longer.
That way you know for sure or at least have a better idea what his intentions are. However, it just seems like he wants a warm body. Sorry, just from several past exes it's usually the only reason they've ever come back or texted or called, etc. This comment has been removed by the author. Six years later and no contact after he found a professional profile? My ex broke up with me and we were in the same classes.
After it ended I havent contacted him for like 6 days and he saw me in the same theatre in which he was with his group. What the hell is really happening? And what am I supposed to do? No "friend" tries to hide you under the rug. If a guy who's been out of your life for 5 months contacts you on Valentines Day, should you reply? Or just completely ignore him? It is up to you to help them realize it by showing what life is like without you. Like this woman who considered meeting him to show-off how much better she is than him?
Yeah, show that man with a wounded heart how much better your life is and make his life seem shittier because you're not in it. We are not perfect and we fuck up, even the women. Both people in a break-up go through hell, so if an ex reaches out because they still care about you, is it so wrong to be gentle? No one said or even implied that women are prefect.
I just said men sometimes make mistakes in breaking up with a girl. My ex and I got into a fight a month ago over the phone, and we haven't spoken since. I haven't contacted him and he hadn't contacted me, up until this weekend, after an entire month had passed.
It was a text that just said "Are you still mad? He might be a lonely, confused, vulnerable man ignoring his reasons for breaking things off lack of better judgment?? Men who actually date you and then break things off do it for a reason. For what reasons did you break up? Were either of you emotionally unstable or did crazy things? Something must have happened for him to end things and say nothing for a month.
Doubtful his interest is sincere after having no contact. Worst of all his message was text. What could have changed? Do you two have a history of that kind of hot and cold, up and down behaviors?
Emily, I broke things off because the relationship wasn't healthy. He had a history of disrespectful and manipulative behaviors and I just got tired of it all. I was trying to tell him something important unrelated to our relationship and he kept yelling over me. I asked him several times to please listen, but since he wouldn't, I told him I would have to hang up, and eventually I did.
He texted me something like "my bad" after I hung up the phone but I didn't respond. Then a month passed before the next thing. I haven't responded to his most recent text. I'm trying to move on and gain perspective. I thought of texting him and saying something like "I was never mad, but I need to move on. Unknown - You might also benefit from getting your head examined because there's something wrong with you.
Knowing a guy has a history of manipulative and disrespectful behavior AND that the relationship is unhealthy and yet you're still trying to get back with him yes, that's what you're doing regardless of what you say here? What exactly are you trying to accomplish other than trying to manipulate and scheme to get him back? It was never ended properly. You left it open ended so he acted as if things were still where you left them the last time you talked.
From what you describe, I don't know what he has that would be hard to get over, but what you do depends on what you want. Hi there, I was dumped unexpectedly and horribly by my ex. Heart broken, I vowed No Contact and was strong even though he tried to contact me via text and FB message with fairly unemotional questions and comments.
Only one time brought up the past but it was trivial. I never replied to any of his texts or messages. One night about a month after the break up, I made a stupid mistake and matched with him on a dating site which he had been on since the day we broke up. He noticed and said he didn't know what to make of it and I responded quickly with 'It was a mistake' and blocked him.
It was a stupid thing to do I know About 5 minutes after blocking him he texted me with an 'I'm sorry and I'll stay out of your life' message. Did he send this because I had finally stroked his ego by engaging in contact albeit trivial and not direct? He is a narcissistic personality so I think the first option is probably true I just need a way to think about it so that I can move on. Any advice will help. Anonymous - you sound like a stalker.
Get your head examined. First you go on and on about this guy being narcissistic, THEN you turn around and go on about how you matched with him on an online dating site?
Come on girl, no one is that stupid to think that was fate. You really need to get your head examined. That guy dodged a bullet and should be thanking god for it. Hi Andrew, I just read your post and I am currently engaged in a similar predicament that most of your posters have been addressing and sharing. This past september, I started talking to a guy who I knew for 3 years on and off interaction, nothing heavy.
I will admit we started off on the wrong foot and as I reflect on our relationship now as it is over, I missed a couple of signs intentionally because I wanted to believe he was different. For instance, he would go on and on about being an asshole because previous girlfriends or women he dealt with would say so and I wanted to believe that he was holding on to this because he was not secure within himself which is not far from the apple tree but as I have witnessed now is being an asshole strokes and coats his ego.
Anyway, I will give a brief timeline of our relationship. As I said we started talking in september and we became sexual rather quickly however we both agreed that we would build our foundation on trust, friendship and mutual respect.
Things were good for quite awhile I would go visit him in his state and he came to visit me a couple of times where I live. We would talk on the phone and text everyday throughout the course of the day. Initially, we agreed that we would both be friends with benefits which I now regret and we would "see where things go".
Neither one of us was ready for a relationship. Anyway, in my world I guess things were fine up until February when he lost his job and thus spawned this "young man midlife crisis" We are both in our late 20s. From then on, he became very distant--calls and texts less and sporadic. This carried on from February till late April.
This was the last time I physically saw him. In May, he finally secured a job and internship in the city I live in and thus moved to what I thought was to be closer to me. Boy was I wrong. In the last two months, he has been more distant than ever. No phone calls, no texts no arrangement to see each other. So I left it alone Yesterday, while at an event, I bumped into a couple of women who voluntarily shared with me that one of them in fact was currently dating my guy and the timeline of their relationship shockingly over elapsed with our timeline.
Talk about Titanic slamming into an iceberg and sinking deep into an abyss. I say all of that to say this I really have no words. I do agree that ignoring texts is rude which is what he has done during this whole process but Now I am in the ideology that sometimes being polite is pointless and maybe at times passive.
Yesterday I was put in an unfamiliar and uncomfortable situation and instead of informing the young woman and going off on him because he was at the event I decided to take the higher road and just leave If he were to come back, I would agree he would be either looking for something probably sex or being nosy pretending to care about the goings on of my personal life or wanting to "talk".
I think I would "talk" but I would be in control of the tone and content of the discussion To me, he is a coward, liar, disrespectful and so on Maybe years and years from now when Im completely removed but even then this situation as well as he will be nothing but a joke to me.
I am not saying all of this is his fault, i take responsibility for not setting boundaries and being assertive in my needs and what I deserve. But I think I did not deserve to get served like this. I cut him off but a few months later he messaged a friend of mine whom he had known before me but was uninterested in and asked her out on a date. Why would he do this? Because he decided he wants to go out with her?
Whatever his reasons are, they have nothing to do with you, so don't worry about it. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator. Some good advice given here by Andrew. My advice is ignore once. Respond in a friendly manner when contact is made the second time, but do not say anything about a relationship.
Say no if asked for a relationship once. If they ask again, say it's their last chance, and give it a go. If they mess up again, never look back again. I tried to post this before but I don't know if it went through. My ex broke up with me in July. He was cruel, told me I had no redeeming qualities, I should delete all texts so that I shouldn't have his number anymore, etc. Demoralized but determined to keep my dignity, I deleted his numbers, blocked him on FB.
Then a couple of months later he texted me. Then last week after seeing I blocked him on FB, he tried to friend me on Linkedin. I ignored it and blocked him. Are you saying he thinks it's because I'm still not over him? I don't think so. I think it tells him that it was his loss and he gets to think about what he missed. Shalisha, I'm so proud of you! It's hard to do what you did, but you found the key - dignity in your taking full control of the situation and blocking him out.
Never give a man who treated you badly a second chance. He has revealed his true character to you. You dodged a bullet. I do think he's trying to contact you because he realized what he lost - men act first and think it out slowly afterwards. But consider the way it unfolded a gift, because now you are free to find a truly good man. I'm pretty sure you will find one too because you radiate strength and beauty, not weakness.
Through a specialist vet centre , I met a chap , a vet. He had looked after both my animals.. We had chatted and I knew he was attracted. I was to him. Then texting , which became sexual and I realised that was what he hoped for. I couldn't do that as I did not know him that well but wanted to.
We met up and was amicable and I hoped and agreed for friendship. He then said he would not contact me. I thought friends with benefits had no emotions , so why cut me out. He still seems to think I would accept care as a vet and I have refused. I have been in NC for quite some time, over 40 days now, nearing the 60 days I guess. I choose to not respond to what I deemed as an lame effort to talk to me. It was very generic, and almost lazy if you ask me.
So I deleted it. I had an ex throw a few crumbs after professing his 'undying love for me as the love of his life. I didn't block him because I was heartbroken, I blocked because I was finished with the drama and toxicity of this man. I also believe that every situation is different, one size doesn't fit all.
In general, yes, I can recognize a pattern with ex's and behaviors, whether or not one is the dumper or dumpee. Am here to share my testimony to the world of how God has used Doctor Ebakor to restore my relationship. My boyfriend left me for another lady after 2 years of our relationship. I was filled with tears and remorse because of the heart break he gave to me.
Also he gets rather defensive when i have brought it up. Which has been this last month. And then he starts with i cant lose u and dont want to imagine life without me. And i guess hes also suprised that i didnt bring it up before till now. Anyway,there are two months left on his lease and only time will tell.
Like i said it went fron December and then to January, and since there has been no move on his part i started asking. My brother was really surprised to find out he still lived with her. They know each other but i guess is not one of his best friends. I told him when i found out, and he appologized cause he was unaware. Ive also felt recently since there is this want for privacy on his part to keep me a secret, to family and friends, that he is still wanting and even waiting for things to be diff between them.
If they are not still together that is. And yes ive definitely thought that they still have had sex in the last year of living together, but do want to trust and believe what he says, for the most part.
I know cause it sounds and feels better. I really do appreciate the feedback and wish there were some for sure way to know whats going on without the wait. Steve brings up a VERY important point. There are so many glaring errors here that I missed speaking on it entirely. Get used to it. You were supposed to fall for the lies and keep giving it up.
He might have to wait until the kids go to sleep to speak to you. The purpose of the records is for guys to get laid. I hate to be so repetitive and redundant about this point, but women never get it. Your experience is the same either way. When was the last time you heard of a zebra eating a lion? My suggestion to you is to figure out some things that you REALLY want to know and base your decisions on how you relate to him on the answers to those questions.
Well thanks again for replying and giving me ur insight on how men think. I really appreciate you telling me basically how it is. Well I really thought about what you had to say. Since we do not have mutual friends in common I thought of how I could find out somthing to put my mind at ease and get some truth of whats really going on.
I decided to txt a pic of him to his supposibly ex-gfriend and she called back. Come to find out they have been together this whole time. To me I was shocked, and yes Im sure you are saying I told u so.
Anyway, she asked questions and I told her I only knew what he said, which was he said they seperated a year ago. OMG so yeah, this could have been me in a couple of months if I kept believing all he would tell me.
So now everything makes since, kinda sucks but feel much better knowing Im washing my hands of him. Just facts and truth as they appeared to me based on what you said. I would have rather you came back and reported that all these indicators actually misled my opinion of the situation and all was actually fine with your relationship. The odds were WAY against you. These are all rudimentary, commonplace tactics that are straight out of a textbook or template.
Guys do this all day, every day, across the country and most likely around the world. Mainly, you either have chicks on the roster or you have one girlfriend. At the time I was dating the three chicks, I knew which one was more important than the others and allocated my time and actions accordingly. Would I bring one around to parties?
Would I take the other one downtown but not to parties? The jig is up. The more important a chick is, the more you treat her like your actual girlfriend or wife. Your wife gets to go to holidays. Your wife gets to go places where your parents are.
Back in the day, after a really great date, I took a chick shopping. That might be his natural reaction to being with a gal that turns him on or that he enjoys as a person or comrade or sidekick. As far as the topic of the post.. If you want to try to figure out if he has other girls besides you, try to spend more time with him.
Guys that have girlfriends are obliged to give them certain days and times or else they might get caught cheating. This whole article has been very informative.
I got alot of male insight since i dont have brothers. Im a serial monogamist. I give myself dap for busting him so soon.. He asked me if i had a facebook and on the internet alot bc he wasnt. He told me he doesnt have any family when his family is all on his myspace lol its like he wouldnt let me make connections with him so that instantly put my radar up.
I saw his son which he was honest and told me he had a kid. I dont like guys with kids thats my bottom line but i let this slide. I told him tonight that it dont matter who she is it matters that you are someone elses. He was too touchy feely too soon for my taste. Im a girl and i like PDA like the next but He sucked my toes the 2nd day of kicking it and wanted to do other things.
Think about what you were like at 26 thinking you were slick? Im a few years older than him and with the internet at my finger tips he thought i was gonna fall for it. Thanks for the comment, SannyD. Women should be able to find out what they need to know about prospective suitors by sitting down at their computers and doing exactly what you just outlined.
I know two different gals that I have mutual Facebook friends with. I attend parties that friends of mine throw. I was flagged down by this gal a while back while I was at this bar.. She informed me that her homegirl had seen me in the gym that morning. This is way more important for women, because men are generally the aggressors when it comes to raps.
Girlfriends, Kids, Family Members.. You establish yourself as having a particular way of being and having particular friends and having particular viewpoints and sharing certain links.. What we have here is a sad attempt at player-dom by Mr. So many people ignore that little voice and come to regret it. I found your site last weekend and am hooked and wish I had been reading it months ago. So I met someone a year older than me. We talked for a little over a month well just twice on the phone, but he texted almost daily.
Just seemed like a nice guy, down to earth. So once we met we started seeing each other like 3x a week. On our third meeting we kissed. On our 6th meeting we made out and he asked if we could get a room the next weekend, which would be my bday, and I agreed.
After our 3rd mtg, he asked if I liked him and that he really liked me and asked when would I meet his kids and vice versa, but I said not yet. On thursday morning we met and he told me he was on probation for having oral sex with a 17 year old girl. He told me some details, said she threw herself at him and how everyone was on his side, blah blah. He then went on to tell me how he had gone to an orgy and wanted me to go to the next one. Also, that he and his wife would have threesomes and that we could do that, too.
I told him about all the guys I had been with and he was like wow you were with a whole baseball team. I told him I read she was 16 and drunk.
He said well yeah, but almost 17 and that they meaning his daughter and the girl were drinking at a party. In the meantime, I had plans to go out with my friends to celebrate my bday.
I had invited one of my booty calls. Probation guy and I talked around 6 and agreed to move forward and he was cooking me dinner the next day. So all weekend I cried and begged him to take me back. In the meantime, I had made contact with a guy 9 years younger that I was seeing in the summer for sex, but he was trying to work things out with his baby momma so I ended it, but always liked him, and had told him I might go over on saturday night.
Since probation sent no way I went to see the younger guy. Sunday and Monday I begged probation to take me back, but he was like nope.
I snapped and sent him 10 text messages and 4 voice mails two days in a row so 20 and 8 total just going off on him that he lied about what happened and that he was a coward and on and on. He never replied and I was sad sad. I emailed him a few more times, but more feeling sorry for myself. Then I emailed his exwife if she could help me get back with him. She and I emailed back and forth and she said move on and told me horrible stuff about him.
He went off on me via text that I ruined his life. We met the following week for sex. I asked him to take me back he was like nope. I begged two more days then gave up. I called him and asked him more about his lies and we went at it again.
Nobody cares what you think. Nobody cares if you think a guy should date old chicks. Nobody cares if you think you deserve a title or respect or whatever. What you need to do is check your reality.
What do you really want for your life right now? What else do you want him to do? What is it that you want from this guy? Of course, this applies to dudes too. Also, what do you think of the younger guy who contacts me weekly for sex do you think a ltr can come of it? This is what I mean about how titles are worthless. I wish I could have a weekly hour long session.
I suppose I can continue with the younger guy until he ends it and just every time I see him realize it could be the last time. Who has more of a relationship? I say I do. I think he has the upper hand and will never consider me as more than a fwb. Bill, By what I have read on other posts, he fits the description of a lot of these guys who know just what to say before sex and then change shortly after. Is there anyway for me to gain leverage in this situation? I want to give up on romantic love altogether.
My opinion remains that you need to figure out what you want and whom you want it with. It is true what he said. I googled and read about the incident, he is on a sex offender site. I know he is back on the dating site. With that information, do you have a different opinion?
Just pay attention to what he does and how he treats you and make your decisions based on that. Dating is a team sport. Personally, this sounds like a lot of game-playing from his side, which is probably not going to end up positively for you.
You see how lame that looks? All this game-playing and posturing and positioning in your case is the exact same thing. If you just want to hang out with him and have fun, the situation might work for you. Hi, think I need some help. Here is my case. And I remember about last year October, I had been moved to his team for couple months, and I had a chance to talk to him.
But it was often me initiate the conversation and he would only talk to me if he had questions or concerns related to work, and I always tried to build up the topics and even asked him to help me on this and that.
We discussed the newly released movies and the restaurants I want to try out but he never ask me out or get my phone number or ask me about my personal life. I could say we are just in a normal, very normal coworker relation. Also, I noticed after I mentioned my fav. P , also weird thing is, there was one time a female coworker ask him if it was his girlfriend who bought him the mp3 and he looked at me, like he tried to see my reaction and the female coworker asked why he was looking at me like I was the girlfriend.
Then he just smiled and said no. And seems like every time my coworker tried to test him out if he has a girlfriend or not, he would not give a direct answer, just like avoiding the subject.
And one time my female coworker again that same person asked him if he got a girlfriend directly, he told her he got one before but not now.
Before, I purposely got off work the same time as his so I could walk with him to the garage, and there was one time we have had an approx. This was the only time I ever talk to him for that long, maybe is the last too. Sometimes feel like wanting to punch myself cause seems like I am too obsessed. Unfortunately… Sometimes, guys are as afraid of girls as girls are afraid of us. One of which might be that he has a girlfriend.. The good thing here is that he was willing to have a long conversation with you in a garage.
My suggestion to you is to find some kind of group social event and invite him to it, like bowling, for instance. At least that way, if he accepts your invitation, you can be sociable with him without being at work or in a garage. The question of whether he has a girlfriend or not is actually irrelevant at this point. Not for you or anyone else to avoid pitfalls, but for you to at least see them ahead of time so you can make educated decisions. He now claims to have broken up with her and immediately wants to hook up with you.
Fling with an attractive Milf looking for some fun, or on the downside.. That actually depends on a few factors. Fourth, it depends on whether the chick s you decide to screw happen to be PSYCHOS that want to start trouble with your girl when they find out that she exists. I know chicks and if we like each other, we do what we do.
So, the multi-chick thing is complicated, but once you get used to it, it becomes second nature. Use your intuition to figure out what role the new chick might play going forward and then act based on what you figured out. The good part is that I never made that mistake again. Thanks again for the question, Ethan! Seems like I have been generally on the right path, but this will definitely help me out with this chick. Thanks Bill and I ll be looking forward to your multiples post.
Hi Bill, First of all, i have to tell you that i adds your website in my blog as i have many ladies friends and my blog also connected with my facebook. To short the story on, i am a broadcast journlaist in the Malaysian government official media.
I broke engage in and until today, i have yet to found suitable men. He have been my friend list in tagged fro about a few month ago, and because of him, i have to cutt-it off my tagged web and now concentrate for my facebook and blog. What i am trying to say is he has been approachs me since last april saying that i am too attractive to him but admit it he have his girlfriend but not committed because he said, he dont want to commited to any girl even his girlfriend now.
We just chatting in tagged messages and i dont feel anything on him even he is trying his best to attract me but i dont. Lastly, i think i should give myself a chance to other man.
I told him i have a promotion exam in this town which is also both of our hometown. Then the time has come and i back to my home town driving alone takes about 5 hrs i check-in and i pay the hotel deposit use my own first. Bill, i have to say to you that most of gorgeous guy mistakes is they think they are so proud by their look, arrogant and simply just throw bad words to a lady they never met in personally. He knows i am journalist but he dont know who am i and how far he can determine that the women you slammed is more clever and smarter than you..
Everyone is greeting me congratulation.. Bill, i am sharing you this and i also started followed your link since i put in your web address in my blog.
Hope to hear from you soon. It is very interesting for us women, and also men.. Same thing with paying for rent or telephone bills or hotel rooms. He only said he was going to give you money as bait to get you to do something. They feel privileged and basically accept and reject people at will. Thanks for your reply and thanks also for sharing me another new info that not only me but other single girls should read about men.
I understand what do you means and now eventhough i met a lot of guys either they are attractive or not, for me is not a big deal. So far, i have yet back to my hometown and i know where i can found this guy because i did not know that my girlfriends knowing him-too-well compared to me are not in my hometown but working in other town.
Humanizer men is not a new for me and i should take it as a complementing my jobs being a journalist.. Ok here is my concerns now. And this question is playing in my mind day and night, and i never share it to anyone even my closed friend. I am not a person who is easily to share my problems with friends even my own sister. Nothing else but about guy. Bill, i am sure your will share something new to me, nothing else but men.
Nope, i dont have boyfriend! I have been dates with a few guys but yet still.. A third reason would be using the tactic of flattery. You want to make the woman feel like she definitely SHOULD be cherished by some guy to the point that he wants to have her all for himself and lock her down into being his girlfriend.
I have been missing a lot of your new post and other post too. Sometime, i feel i am getting married with my work as what my mum was told. First of all, i like the way Frank was answering those gals question.
For me, it is not all about Frank is too blunt on his opinions but it is because he is speaking in his experience as a guy. No doubt on it. Lately, I met a guy. Of cos, as a career woman, i do not need men to support my monthly expenses nor paying my drinks and foods.
But sometime, i wanted to be like other gals who are supported by their men either husband, boyfriends, sugar daddy or else. I am paying the foods instead of he should play his roles as a gentlemen. I feel so terrible in a nightmare. I dont need to further elaborate on that matter.
Just enough, i felt being cheat on his liar sweet talks but no bugs or dollars in his pocket. Now, he is trying to convince me again why he was doing that just for tasting me. But i told him, all my life only once i really date an Asian guy. The rest is western. My last words to him is the past relationship is my mistake, not yours. What do you think in the first date, women woman paid the foods and drinks?
Is the guy is useles? Should i leave him, or continue the relationship? I know women that make 10 to 50 times as much money as I make per year. I also know chicks that are flat broke. What do you want them to do? Get a job so we can go out for drinks together? The rest of the times we take turns seeing eachother at eachothers houses.
We talk alot about sex, when we see eachother we have sex. I know it sounds like fwb, but he calls us dating. We see eachother mostly on the weekends. Mostly once a wk, sometimes twice a wk we see eachother. We met through an online dating site. Would he make things official eventually? I never really considered that before. He may have ongoing conversations with other gals happening.
I hope things work out the way you want them. One more question concerning this matter: No one I really care about would be missing from my Facebook friends, but guys might be different. Your insight would help me so much! Your mother always wants you to do well.
Your mother wants to know who the mother of her grandkids is going to be. Having said all that.. Hey bill i know the original point of this post was how to tell if he has a girl friend. What are your thoughts on that?
I met a guy online for the purposes of establishing a fXXX buddy not the best move ever, sure, but this is what it is. So we exchanged pics, he was beautiful and had endless positive comments about how attractive he felt I was as well.
We exchanged numbers and texted for about a week, not all day everyday, but we were in communication everyday. He tried to rush our meeting date but being that I was busy with school and other things as usual I kept declining and stayed with Friday. We met up Friday night around 8 and had a couple drinks, went back to my place and yes, we went at it forever. He ended up staying the night, I fell asleep on his chest on my couch and he didnt leave until 2 or 3 Saturday.
I then got a call from him Saturday evening and he already wanted to come back over, I didnt mind so I agreed. We went at it again, watched a bunch of movies, drink some beers, and he ended up spending the night again. In the morning I ordered break fast for us and we ate, chilled some more, and he left around 1 or 2 that afternoon.
THEN, Sunday I get a call from him only a few hours after he left and he wanted to come back over again. I thought this was strange but hes fine as fuck so, again, I didnt mind. It was the same scenario.
I was never clingy with him, I probably treated him more like a piece of meat than anything. When he left around 2 or 3 on Monday we had this cute little moment where I told him he better not screw anyone else and he questioned why I own so much porn, we kissed, and he left. I had school so I didnt go. He wanted to come over almost everyday during the week and this is when I realized he couldnt possibly have a job, but I figured Im just screwing him so what does it matter.
So the next Friday he wants to come over but my female friend wanted to do a double date. I invited him but he said he couldnt make it over until much later in the night.
So I went out with another guy and told him I would just see him saturday or sunday cuz i was in no rush to see him. I kinda flipped out and mentioned i dont know what i was thinking waiting that long to see him and some other crap, even though he texted me several times during the week saying he missess me, as soon as i caved in, he became distant.
I asked him how long he planned on staying and he said probably late. So we napped together, then when i mentioned I wanted to visit my friend and just relax and have some drinks and bring him along, he suddenly had to leave and do something.
I could sense shit was kinda different so i asked him to clarify what this was to him since it was supposed to be about sex and he started acting like he liked me in another fashion initially. I also threw in that another man Ive been dating wanted to be exclusive and asked if he gave a shit. He sais he wants only sex for now ofcourse so i told him bye and he can just hit me up Friday.
Thats where we are at now and Im wondering what could be going on with him that I havent considered cuz there are some strange things going on in the situation aside for my being overly forward. I know this was long as fXXX, my apologies and Im hoping one of you has the patience to read this and actually answer it lol.
What difference does it make whether he has a job, when his JOB is hooking up with you? Not with a chick I was messing with. Go ahead and do that. Did you say that he told you he had to go do something and then you blew him and he fell asleep? Like most of my experiences with men, in only a time frame of one week, my feelings for this guy have virtually disappeared.
Surprisingly, he agreed to join me at my friends place for some relaxing, drinking, and mingling by the pool side. I stopped the convo and made him explain the apprehension about going out with me before the convo went any further. He explained that he likes to know exactly what hes getting himself into before he agrees to something, so I explained to him exactly what I had in mind for the night and he was cool with it.
So he and a friend of his met up with me and my female friend and we hung out. We drink, talked, smoked a little… I was so horny throughout the entire week I couldnt focus on anything. Ive been into a few guys before but never to where it became a distraction to my professional world, so that was strange for me.
So later we went inside of my friends place and we decided to watch a movie. We all got comfy in her bed of all places and just chilled. He didnt try to sneak in any touching or even kisses, he just watched the movie. In fact he was way too concerned about whether his friend was getting any play from my friend through out the night. So after awhile I tell him to come with me and we take a walk outside.
I asked him about his childhood, his parents, how close he was to them growing up, and how things are now. He answered in details and it seemed like a convo was developing until he abruptly stopped and asked if I wanted to go back in. I told him I wanted him to come back to my place which was a 30 minute drive from where we were cuz I wanted to get down to business thats what i was thinking.
He said he had to wake up really early and that we should just meet up again tomorrow even though I insisted. At this time it was approaching 12, now I realize there may be other girls he can call and get some from but then why the F even meet up with me in the first place if he wasnt going to absolutely get some?
Was it so that his friend could meet my friend? Hes not that selfless so I dont understand at all. So we go back inside her place and he just wanted to chill and finish watching the movie. Now even though we all hopped in the same bed, I know he didnt think some kinda freaky ass foursome was gonna go down cuz his boy wasnt even getting any play from my friend let alone some shhhh like that happening lol.
So I signaled for him to follow me…. I took him to the bathroom and got my fix lol. Now, yes, I was very loud, I know my friend and his friend heard it all, I didnt care for a second. And a needless detail just for shits and giggles, I made sure to tell him his sex was amazing and how incredible he felt inside me, all that BS, clearly he loved it…mission accomplished lol.
So when we finished, we cleaned up, and he almost right away said he had to leave, he would see me tomorrow night, gave me a hug, and was outta the door in like 45 seconds flat…WTF!? Not even a kiss, and barely a real hug. Did he feel awkward cuz he just had sex in what was to him, a strangers home, and they could both hear everything?
Did he just basically get what he wanted all along but was too scared to push for, for some odd reason, and leave once he was satisfied? Now when I think of him, Im just not that moved. I suppose its because hes not really giving me what I want other than sex so I dont see a purpose. I dont want a relationship exactly but my desire for him needs to be reciprocated and him leaving without so much as a kiss for me says Im seriously wasting my time with this one! I plan on having a goodbye F session, any advice about this scenario so that I dont end up getting tangled in this ass holes web again?
This is a strange situation, and it looks like he was just playing wingman for his boy to try to get some. You offered a remote location. I think you have pretty good reason to be disinterested in him at this point, although you enjoy the sex. Why over analyze it? Just be thankful you got what you needed that night.
Tell me you are using protection otherwise you will be doing more than over analyzing. Just wanted to see if there was an answer in this. Oh and if a guy has been trying to hook up with the same girl for about 3 years but is trying really hard to get to know her, remembering everything she tells him, and been keeping in touch all these years, what does that mean? When I would tell him about other guys, he would get mad, threaten to beat them up figuratively lol and got really jealous. I get it by why did he hang on to me for so long?
Why does he remember everything I tell him? Why does he want my attention for a simple little thing like facebook? That he wanted us on the same page. He knew that I liked him all these years because I told him both sober and drunk lol and he still wanted me around.
I also want to say I noticed most if not all his relationships have been long distance. Not sure why but I guess guys have certain reasons for this. My friend once asked me about his relationships and I told her most if them were long distance and she said how did they end up? Anyway, it was his birthday last week and I worked up the guts to tell him happy birthday even tho he never responds to anyone when they tell him that.
He actually went back that night and thanked everyone for their wishes, which he has never done before. He thanked me and told me something silly about updating my blog, something we always joked about and I joked back at him to update his! I think i need more advice!
Of course he did. Your rap can be easily undermined by any female that lives way closer to him that he can have access to at the drop of a hat. I think he most definitely cares about you and likes you as a person and a friend. I was engaged to my ex and we dating for almost 3 yrs.
We called off the engagement bcuz we were having fights over stupid things and things got out of hand. Oops, we messed up. Check our ratings of online dating services. Avoiding an Online Dating Scam. What Makes a Site Successful You can find the right person more effectively by choosing the right site, which means determining the demographics it caters to and figuring out whether a large or niche site will best serve your needs. Field Guide to Popular Dating Sites.
Methodology Pros Cons You answer a standard personality questionnaire that emphasizes activities and interests. You can specify who can see your profile. It's simple to use, even for the tech-phobic.
Setting who can see your profile is good if you're looking to date in a specific age range. There's no option to search for matches within a certain distance or ZIP code, although you can search within a state. App and Website Cost: For singles 55 and older. The Guided Communication process encourages users to get to know each other gradually via prompts instead of more free-form messaging. Users can't search on their own; the site sends matches based on information in profiles.
People who may want to take it slow and get to know each other. Users fill out a questionnaire about themselves their hair color, for example, or whether they have children and what they're looking for say, someone of a particular religion.
It launched in and has lots of add-on services, including the ability to talk or text on your cell phone without revealing your phone number. The questionnaire is on the long side, so signing up might feel arduous. Users fill out a questionnaire that includes questions about their Jewish identity, such as whether they keep kosher. The site caters to Jews of all levels of observance.
Non-Jewish members are welcome but are asked about their willingness to convert. Jewish singles and those looking to meet them.
Its motto is "We use math to find you dates. Members generate unusual questions, such as "How often do you keep your promises? The profile questions can be so free-form—essay questions like "I spend a lot of time thinking about. The site has a reputation for attracting young, hip, tech-savvy users. Tinder uses a member's smartphone location to find fellow users in a set radius. Swipe left on photos of users you aren't interested in and right on those you are.
If you both swipe right, you're matched and can message each other. The swiping interface is very simple to use and is almost like a game. And the double opt-in system means you won't get messages from anyone you aren't initially interested in. There's very little information on fellow users beyond pictures, so matching can feel a little shallow for relationship-minded users. This location-based app, which has a reputation for finding casual romance, attracts young adults.
Indicates relationship status where neither party is dating other people. Meet up for coffee: A short, informal date, often during the daytime. Where sex meets texting; sending someone sexually explicit messages or photos.
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