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Do you ever get to a Thursday afternoon, you're pretty thrashed, the update is almost finished and all that stands between you and calling it a day is writing the blog section at the top?
Come on admit it - we've all been there! So what to do? Well one way is to power through and get it done. Another is to post a fuckload of jokes instead and hope no one notices. Actually that sounds like a great idea. Two hookers were on a street corner. They started discussing business, and one of the hookers said "Gonna be a good night, I smell cock in the air". The other hooker looked at her and said "No, I just burped".
He figured that his picture had been taken for exceeding the limit, even though he knew that he was not speeding. Just to be sure, he went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed. Now he began to think that this was quite funny, so he drove even slower as he passed the area again, but the traffic camera again flashed.
He tried a fourth time with the same result. He did this a fifth time and was now laughing when the camera flashed as he rolled past, this time at a snail's pace. Two weeks later, he got five tickets in the mail for driving without a seat belt. BEER -- What's easier to pick up the heavier it gets? Your husband shouldn't have to wait in line!
According to the nurse attending the operation, the patient's girlfriend found the ring in his pants pocket. She didn't know he was married and she was so mad she used petroleum jelly to slip the ring on his penis while he was asleep.
I don't know what's worse: Having your girlfriend find out you're married; 2. Explaining to your wife how your wedding ring got on your penis; 3. Finding out your penis fits through your wedding ring.
This parrot knew only one sentence, which was "Let's make love". The parrot said it all the time, embarrassing the owner to no end. Finally, he went to his parish priest and told him of his parrot problem. The priest replied "I have a parrot who also only knows one sentence. He always says "Let us pray". Bring your parrot over Sunday after mass, and I'm sure your parrot will be praying by the end of the day". So, as directed, the owner brought the parrot over to the rectory after mass.
The parrot, spying the priest's parrot, opened his mouth and blurted out "Let's make love". The priest's parrot closed his eyes, looked up at heaven and said "My prayers have been answered ". After about 5 minutes the driver says "Okay give me a clue". Beckham says "I had a glittering career at Manchester United, played in America and got over a caps for England, is that enough?
Relaxing with a hidden smile , Sally's Mum asked "Really small, was it? I took the shell off my racing snail thinking it would make him run faster. If anything, it made him more sluggish.
The fellow had a boat but a fishing pole was not to be seen. The farmer mentioned the situation to the Ranger. The Ranger then started watching this man and all that the farmer said was true!
The man would arrive at the lake in the morning and by early afternoon, he had a bucket full of fish. So the Ranger dressed like a fisherman one day and approached the man. They exchanged pleasantries and the stranger asked the Ranger in disguise to come fish with him. They boated for 45 minutes and arrived at a secluded spot. The stranger then pulled out a stick of dynamite. Either way, there's been very limited experience handling meat. She got worried and asked her mom about that hair.
Her mum calmly said "That part where the hair has grown is called your monkey. Be proud that your monkey has grown hair". At dinner, she told her sister "My monkey has grown hair". Her sister smiled and said "That's nothing - mine is already eating bananas". Because everybody who can run, jump and swim are already in the U.
The world production of cocoa is behind the world consumption. Eventually the two will meet and we will be in a cocoa deficit. Photographs were very expensive in the past. When someone died it was common to have them photographed as a commemorative. The average mass of a black hole is about a few dozen suns. It then spreads to cover the entire body. They'll also eat you alive rather than killing you first. They can grow up to six feet in length. Number one is heart disease. Alice Chase, who wrote 'Nutrition for Health', died of malnutrition.
However, statistically you are more likely to be killed by a champagne cork than by the bite of a poisonous spider. The first sense lost is usually sight. Then follows taste, smell, and touch. As it turns out, they kind of got the short end of the stick in World War II.
That means more soldiers actually die from suicide than on active duty and fighting in combat. It is part of the Pine Ridge Indian Reservation, where a population of between 28,, almost exclusively have no electricity, telephone lines, running water, or sewage.
Infant mortality is five times the national average, while life expectancy is among the shortest for any group in the entire western hemisphere about 48 for males. In the year the world human population reached 2 billion. In the year the world human population reached 3 billion. In the year the world human population reached 4 billion. In the year the world human population reached 5 billion.
In October of the world human population reached 6 billion. In , the world human population reached 7 billion. Just under 12 years. The total the U. Adults have bones, born babies During our development bones fuse together. The nose and ears never stop growing. The first sense that is usually gone is sight.
Crucifixion is still an official death penalty in Sudan. Because it saves space! Wrong the smell comes from the bacteria's in your body, sweat itself does not smell. No matter how old it is you can eat honey. It does not contain much water making it a low-moisture environment meaning bacteria have no chance to breed.
When your sleep gets shorter than 7 hours per night, there is evidence that there is an increased risk for many diseases like diabetes and obesity. After she was caught, she was found NOT guilty, because of insanity. He was arrested 1 year after appearing on the show for killing several women. But around double that number are born every day. One day a guy died and found himself in hell. As he was wallowing in despair, he had his first meeting with a demon. The demon asked "Why so glum?
The guy responded "What do you think? On Mondays all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, diet Tab and Fresca. We drink till we throw up and then we drink some more! We get the finest cigars from all over the world and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer, no biggie.
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