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Notify me of new comments via email. Notify me of new posts via email. I have to give my husband props tho…. Mom, wife, business owner in that order. I tend to lean toward being a sensual sadist with a wicked sense of humor. Laughter is the best aphrodisiac in my world. I prefer giggling over cackling, a tender smile over a hateful sneer, issuing my sub a challenge as opposed to barking orders.

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Home For the Record: I am standing behind a closed bedroom door …….. Sorting thru a kinky toy box Looking for the damned spare key to the CB I locked my husband up in three days earlier…. Cuz I misplaced the one I wear on a chain around my neck Somewhere….. Goes out tonight ……. Where did I leave that damned key????? The Suburban Domme permalink. Cancel reply Enter your comment here Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Email required Address never made public.

Under 18 or not looking for this type of content? The Suburban Domme Mom, wife, business owner in that order. Yes I do read the mail! But more often then not I respond via blog postings because I am often mused by the writers. I do ignore requests for wank fodder. I don't write it because I am lousy at erotic writing And no I won't give you ides on how to groom a partner.

I am always looking for muses. So feel free to muse me!! No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations with acknowledgement to The Suburban Domme.

For permission requests, email thesuburbandomme live. The Edge of Vanilla. Elene Sallinger Award winning author of Awakening. Enter Tangentially Cross Words raise your blood pressure, Crosswords raise your vocabulary. Temperature's Rising It's getting hot in here

SEX IS NOT A SPORT:CONSENT AND VIOLENCE IN CRIMINAL LAW

This House must therefore consider the possibility that these activities are practiced by others and by others who are not so controlled or responsible as the appellants are claimed to be. Without going into details of all the rather curious activities in which the appellants engaged it would appear to be good luck rather than good judgment which has prevented serious injury from occurring. Wounds can easily become septic if not properly treated, the free flow of blood from a person who is H.

When considering the public interest, potential for harm is just as relevant as actual harm. The court was worried about the slippery slope of allowing consensual violence outside of a highly regulated sphere. Both dissenting Lords argued that the case should be decided not within the law of criminal violence, but within the law of private sexual relations.

The ECHR unanimously upheld the conviction. The court was clear to point out that it did not need to reach the issue as to whether the state could regulate the activity based on moral grounds; it found sufficient social utility reasons to let the decision stand. Admittedly, the Spanner case is sensational and rare. Good people can and do disagree with both the House of Lords and the ECHR, at least as applied to the particular facts of the case.

Eskridge is correct that the facts of the case call into question the motives behind the prosecution. Indeed, Lord Mustill argued in the dissent that Parliament ought to decide when an activity is dangerous, not the courts.

This would not at all be inconsistent with the sports exception. The Spanner holding was legally sound, however. First, the Anglo-American law as to consensual violence is quite clear that consent is the exception and not the rule when one engages in activity that could cause serious bodily injury or death.

Second, the government does indeed have a legitimate interest in confining violence. True, the Lords were puritanical in their fear of people engaging in the unconstrained pursuit of their sexual pleasure. But they were also concerned as to what would happen if people were allowed to engage in unconstrained violent aggression. What is troubling about this case is the age of the alleged victims, and what appears to be a power imbalance between the parties, calling into question whether there was consent at all.

Thus, the question is not what are the dangers of the law as it currently stands, but what would happen if the doctrine were reversed and consent to assault and battery was allowed as a defense in cases involving sexual as well as physical relationships. Just as in the sporting context, legal doctrines regulating sex no longer allow for unrestrained physical male aggression.

Rather, physical force is becoming doctrinally distinct from consensual sex. Thus, the law imposes normative standards of sexual conduct on men that are non-violent and non-dominating, again, civilized masculinity. The current doctrine of consent assumes that no reasonable woman would or should consent to sexual activity that involves violent domination, just as it once assumed women had no right to play sports. Some have even argued that sadomasochism can create avenues of empowerment for the masochist as she becomes paradoxically stronger and the sadist weaker.

The law must decide which horn of this dilemma is better or less bad , and to do so, must examine experience as well as theory. Even in those few cases where the victim refuses to participate in the prosecution, more often than not, the facts of those cases give rise to legitimate questions as to whether the victim consented at all.

Take, for example, the case of State v. The victim, Leann Steele, worked for him as a model i. Collier forced Steele to remove her clothing and tied her spread-eagle face-up on the bed. He then blindfolded her and proceeded to whip her with a belt.

Steele testified that she was struck on the thighs, legs and chest. When she began crying and asked him to stop, he slapped her across the face and gagged her. Defendant then performed sexual acts using various types of paraphernalia. As a result of the beating and the sexual acts, Steele suffered a swollen lip, large welts on her ankles, wrists, hips, and buttocks, and severe bruising on her thighs. In contrast, Collier testified that Steele asked him to tie her up and beat her in order to celebrate her birthday, as it was one of her sexual fantasies.

He further testified that she had read books concerning bondage and instructed him on what to do. She was a prostitute and a drug addict, and arguably sexually deviant by the nature of her profession. If the issue of consent was allowed to go to the jury, it may have found that she did so, given her status.

There are social messages implicit in any legal rule, and long-term consequences that far outlive the particulars of any case. People often experiment with dangerous activities without knowing what they are doing, making the risk of injury highly probable. This was precisely the problem in Regina v.

Emmett, another British case decided after Regina v. The case involved a heterosexual couple who were living together and subsequently married by the time of trial so that the wife was able to invoke spousal privilege and refuse to testify.

There were two instances that gave rise to the allegations. This is a practice known as erotic-asphyxiation, which is intended to heighten the sexual pleasure for both parties.

He engaged in oral sex with her, and at some point became so lost in his own excitement that he lost track of what was happening to her. He eventually became aware that she was unable to speak, having lost oxygen. He removed the bag, and although she lost consciousness, she remained alive. The following day she went to see her doctor. It was clear that if the episode had continued, she could have suffered brain damage and eventually death.

Her doctor notified the police and the state arrested the defendant. He was convicted based on his own statements and the testimony of the doctor and sent given a suspended sentence.

The appellate court rejected his argument that this case was different from Brown in that it involved a heterosexual couple.

In that case, the court dismissed his conviction, suggesting that Brown did not apply to consensual activity between husband and wife where there was no injury greater than that of a tattoo.

This was not merely rough and undisciplined love play, but involved dangerous undertakings that carried a high likelihood of harm. Was the court correct in disallowing consent as a defense here? Activities such as erotic-asphyxiation and burning are very high-risk endeavors, and in the course of sexual excitement, it is quite easy to be overcome by passion. By disallowing consent, the court facilitates two important policy goals. First, it protects the victim if she did not consent.

We have no way of knowing if the victim, like many abused women, was afraid to testify, or if she was a loyal sex partner standing by her man. Emmett would not have been prosecuted if he did not cause injury, as there would have been no evidence upon which to base his conviction. Even if the defendant intended no harm, even if he knew the rules, he was no doubt grossly reckless in his conduct.

Before engaging in any sexual intimacy, both parties should consent. Being bad is being good. Jovanovic, initially discussed in the Introduction, pushes at the edge of consent. It is a hard case, and hence a bad case for either side of this debate to hold up as an example of what is right or wrong with the current doctrine of violent consent.

A detailed analysis of the facts shows why this is such a bad case. They then looked at a book and watched a movie, both of which depicted violent sex scenes. He asked her to take off her sweater and her pants and she complied.

She did not protest when he tied her arms and legs spread-eagle on a futon frame. Jovanovic went to the kitchen and came back with some candles, including a white candle in a glass. The complainant protested, asking him not to burn her and to be untied.

When the glass was full of molten wax, he poured it on her stomach, then pulled down her panties and dripped wax around her vaginal area, and then onto her nipples. He then placed ice cubes where he had poured the wax. She screamed and asked him to stop. She was then blindfolded.

After about an hour of this, he untied her and carried her to his bed. She asked him not to rape, dismember or kill her. He told her that she needed to learn self-defense and that the only victim who had escaped Jeffrey Dahmer was proficient in martial arts.

He hog-tied her so that she was on her stomach. He next retrieved two batons from the closet, and penetrated her rectum with either a baton or his penis, causing her intense pain. She next remembered waking up sometime the following morning. He untied her and tried to give her self-defense lessons, and when she tried to run away, he tied her up again.

Eventually she freed herself, fought him off, got her clothes and left. The day after the encounter, Jovanovic e-mailed her again, saying that she had left her gold chain in his apartment. After the victim reported him to the police, Jovanovic was charged and convicted of kidnapping, sexual abuse and assault, which created some doctrinal difficulty for the court. The victim apparently admitted in the e-mails that she was involved in another relationship with someone.

But what about the assault and battery charge? Jovanovic never took the stand, and thus his attorney did not suggest that Jovanovic admitted to the encounter, but that, if he did, he should still be able to show that the victim consented as to all charges, including the assault and battery charge. There is no available defense of consent on the charge of assault.

And, although it may be possible to engage in criminal assaultive behavior that does not result in physical injury, we need not address whether consent to such conduct may constitute a defense, since the jury clearly found here that the complainant was physically injured. In addition, the complainant went to a hospital. Lab results on her clothing corroborated injury. She was bruised and suffered burns from candle wax, and was physically restrained for an extended period of time.

These injuries go far beyond a little love play that just got out of hand. If consent is not a defense to assault, what legal relevance do the e-mails have to the assault and battery charge? The e-mails in no way disprove that she was either not injured, or that someone other than Jovanovic caused the injuries. The majority is doctrinally sloppy in its analysis and too quick to reverse the entire conviction.

It would also have permitted Jovanovic to effectively place the complainant in a somewhat less innocent, and possibly more realistic, light. Even more appalling is that both the Supreme Court and the Court of Appeals failed to engage in any historical or doctrinal analysis of consensual violence itself and the relationship between sexual and nonsexual violence.

They would have been well advised to consult both Brown and Jobidon before rendering an opinion. Already having spent more than twenty months in jail, Jovanovic refused, claiming that the sex was consensual. Indeed, there are both social and biological reasons as to why both receiving and inflicting pain on another is pleasurable and desirable for both women and men.

It remains to be seen whether this is an isolated incident or an emerging pattern but the fear remains that women may be once again denied sexual agency through selective prosecution or restraints on sexual agency.

Consider the following interview by Lauren Goodlad with two women who each work as a dominatrix:. Lady Alfonsa describes herself as a therapist, not a sex worker. Since she and her partner, Mistress Midori, have built up a cottage industry in domination-for-hire.

Most are successful professionals in positions of authority. This interview illustrates that power and powerlessness are mutable; they are not gender specific or role specific. Males may indeed crave a sense of powerlessness, just as women can crave power.

Others reject the idea that sadomasochistic encounters are informed by open negotiations. Women suffer more than do men. It may very well be that within same-sex female relationships, the concerns over power and exploitation are less salient. What makes Jovanovic such a bad case for feminists is that we want her to be both free from social restraints to explore her sexuality, and we want the law to set boundaries for her sexual partner and, to some extent, herself.

Not even liberal feminists would suggest that it would be acceptable to inflict death or to maim someone for some sort of sexual gratification. The effort to distinguish permitted from prohibited force pulls the law into a hopeless quagmire, with under-enforcement the inevitable result. And many of the other physical aspects of sexuality, though not inherent in intercourse, are expected and pleasurable, provided that there is consent. True, to prohibit all force would be ridiculous.

But giving consent a legal definition that embodies the notion of negotiation, qualitative and informed decision-making will not necessarily make for a better legal regime of sexual autonomy either.

As soon as women, in particular, start to embrace violence that is outside of a competitive, regulated sphere, they will no doubt find that they once again will become the victim, and not the victors, in the struggle for sexual autonomy and equality.

For example, if the law of consensual violence mirrored the law of consensual sex, a defendant could not be held criminally culpable if his belief that the victim consented was both honest and reasonable. Thus, if a victim is physically injured in the course of a sexual encounter, the force applied by the defendant often negates the reasonableness of his belief in consent, as we assume that reasonable people cannot and do not consent to being beaten.

It is far easier to prosecute a rape case when the victim is injured than it is if she has sustained no bodily injury at all. And thus, in almost every sexual encounter the defendant could argue that he was reasonable in believing that the other person consented to injury. Even if the victim withdraws consent by shouting no, no means yes.

Even if she struggles and is injured, pain is the ultimate cathartic experience. This would essentially gut rape law jurisprudence as it now stands.

For centuries, racial sadists abused their powers to inflict pain on slaves. The dynamic of slavery is the same dynamic of power and powerlessness in sadomasochistic relationships, in many respects, even though in the latter we presume consent. Take, for example, the case of John Edward Robinson.

Upon his arrest, a search of his property turned up two dead women. Later, three more bodies were found in his storage locker. True, Robinson is nothing more than a serial killer who used the Internet as a way to find victims.

He represents a new kind of cyber-sex criminal, something which has given the Justice Department great pause for concern.

Sexual slavery violates human rights and sexual slavery contracts are arguably void on public policy grounds. Indeed, many questions surrounding violation of sexual autonomy in the course of an acquaintance or date rape situation would be far more easily answered if everyone engaged in similar negotiations, made clear when yes meant no and no meant yes, and refrained from the excessive use of drugs and alcohol.

In one example, the Marv Albert case, the physical evidence clearly showed that his accuser sustained bite marks and bruises on her back. Albert eventually pled guilty to assault and battery.

The question remains whether this type of injury sufficient to hold Albert strictly liable? Was the injury itself is what one would reasonably expect from a sexual encounter? Did it cause the complainant to suffer serious bodily injury? Yet, these questions were never put to a jury, and thus we have very little gauge as to where community sentiment lies on the question of how much violence is too much violence.

Admittedly, these cases will indeed be decided one at a time, and courts will continue to struggle to decide the bounds of the law. But better that law protect against amateurs and punish true sadists than condone intimate violence. There is no evidence that law enforcement is going around busting sex clubs or setting up stings to crackdown on the practice, at least in the United States.

The Paddleboro case is the first reported of its kind in the United States. To the contrary, law enforcement seems to look the other way unless someone files a complaint or there is overwhelming evidence of physical injury. What is telling is not that there are so many cases, but so few. On a more practical note, it is extremely difficult to prosecute cases where the participants have played by the rules. Without a complaining witness, the state still requires evidence that there was, in fact, an assault in order to meet its burden of proof beyond a reasonable doubt.

States rarely prosecute cases of domestic violence when the victim will not testify. While this reality certainly will not protect all defendants who might be singled out by law enforcement because of their sexual orientation or their sexual status, it does diminish the fear that the moral police could be all powerful. Of course, were there to come a time when social currents change and prosecutorial discretion becomes abused, we ought to revisit the law.

But now, the data suggests that decriminalizing the intentional infliction of criminal injury because it takes place within a sexual context would create far more risk of injury, far more glorification of violence and oppression, and many more victims. To suggest that anyone should have the right to control, beat, or brutalize another and escape culpability under a theory of sexual consent violates our deepest notions of freedom, human rights, and civility.

We have outlawed the most violent of sports and set clear rules for organized competition. The law has evolved to set norms of civilized masculinity, and, increasingly, civilized humanity. When we ask in which direction the law ought to travel, it is clear from our journey thus far that to follow the path of sexual autonomy will lead us on the path to violence. While the sports exception to assault and battery is embedded with its own set of cultural norms and values about the benefit and inevitability of male aggression, at the very least the law has sought to confine the detour from the doctrine of violent consent.

We can accept some intentional infliction of harm so long as the path of the law is marked with rules and regulations and referees, and where the power among the participants is relatively balanced.

But to allow the doctrine to detour at sex on the road to autonomy, without the safeguards and protections and rules and referees intrinsic to sport, to veer off into an area where power imbalance between the parties, be it physical or economic or social, is far too common, is to travel dangerously close to violating notions of fundamental freedom and human rights.

To follow the path of violence is to travel backwards. Today, here in Zion, we remain free by staying in bondage to the law. Most of the forums are related to her playspace and media, but there are also a couple of general discussion forums.

Everything is browsable without registering. That comparison holds not only for its size and functionality, but also for all the data sharing and management issues that their business models create. The set of forums associated with the Max Fisch Domina Guide.

Primarily focused on pro-domme interaction, but there are also general discussion on femdom, kink, health issues, etc. One of the most modern and slickest looking directories. This has daily updates publicizing events related to specific pro-dommes. Visiting new cities, moved playspaces, updated their sites, etc. Max Fisch Domina Guide. For a long time this was the definitive on-line pro-domme directory.

A lot of links although a good number of them seem out of date. Las Vegas, Nevada Goddess Natashka. Aggregator sites Femdom City. Provides links to an incredible number of femdom sites of all different types. Another site with a vast number of links. Fun for randomly browsing, but not great for tracking down a specific type of site. Mostly links to porn galleries and video clips. The layout is crowded and hard to follow, but it can be fun to play femdom porn roulette by clicking around on it.

Collar N Cuffs resources. This site has a fantastic list covering all sorts of topics. There are both essay and video tutorials, on everything from making rope gags to prostrate milking.

A few essays on general BDSM topics, including a well known series on breathplay. Has a lot of short articles covering definitions, play styles, technique, etc. A lot of its posts are written from the perspective of female submission, but I think a large fraction of them can be applied to male submission as well. Originally this mainly featured information on chastity play, but it seems to have branched out to cover things like pegging and spanking as well.

A podcast run by Axe that features interviews with kinky people in NYC.

Jump to navigation Jump to search. Further information: Sadomasochism, BDSM, and BDSM in culture and media. Illustration by Étienne Le Rallic from La Volupté du fouet () by Armand du Lomp. The role of sadism and masochism in fiction has attracted serious scholarly attention. Anthony .. Reprinted by Olympia Press as The Beautiful Flagellants of Chicago, Boston. hot sexy asian bifem looking for bi or lesbian domme LifeStyle i am 5ft 3 lbs 36c shaved and tight athletic body i am a switch and open to everything. I prefer rough but no 54/F White Plains, New York, MissBluEyez 49/F Port Deposit, Maryland 24/F Boston, Massachusetts, milia 74/F Lincoln, Massachusetts. Primarily focused on pro-domme interaction, but there are also general I wouldn't go here looking for expert advice, but it can be a fun place to dip in and out.