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I am 37, a single mom and am looking to find someone , but not a boyfriend. After years of slowly losing my mojo and sexual confidence, I am slowly rediscovering my drives and desires and now want to find someone to explore that with. I am looking for a semi-regular hookup with someone I can get to know over time and explore my sexuality, but I am not ready to actually meet someone for the longer term. How on earth do I ask for this on an app like Tinder without getting scary messages?

This is a great start! I have long believed that the secret to finding a lasting partnership is less about meeting the one but rather about meeting some one who you find attractive and interesting but who also — and this is crucial — wants the same kind of relationship that you do at the same time that you want it.

This can apply to casual relationships as much as serious ones: Being real friends-with-benefits requires the highest level of emotional honesty and communication in order to make the parameters of the relationship clear and avoid hurt feelings. Your point that advertising this on your profile may elicit creepy messages is not an irrelevant one, but I do think for maximum efficiency you should be pretty clear that you are looking for something casual because of your existing commitments.

And you do want someone who is very sex-positive. One option is to look for people with similar profiles to yours: If your tastes run to the kinky, you could also consider investigating in apps and sites that are more open about their focus on sex, such as Fetlife. Once you do decide to meet people, remember to take the same precautions that you would if you were dating for more romantic reasons: Dear Eva, I am 37, a single mom and am looking to find someone , but not a boyfriend.

Basically, I want someone to have sex with and not much else. Topics Dating Swipe right - online dating for the real world. Online dating Sex Tinder features. Order by newest oldest recommendations. Show 25 25 50 All. Threads collapsed expanded unthreaded.

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One option is to look for people with similar profiles to yours: If your tastes run to the kinky, you could also consider investigating in apps and sites that are more open about their focus on sex, such as Fetlife. Once you do decide to meet people, remember to take the same precautions that you would if you were dating for more romantic reasons: Dear Eva, I am 37, a single mom and am looking to find someone , but not a boyfriend.

Basically, I want someone to have sex with and not much else. Topics Dating Swipe right - online dating for the real world. Online dating Sex Tinder features. Order by newest oldest recommendations. Show 25 25 50 All. Threads collapsed expanded unthreaded.

When I first started college, I felt like a kid in a candy store. I was living on my own for the first time, had consistent invitations to parties, and was suddenly an object of desire after being dismissed as a high school nerd. The culture surrounding sexuality was also different. During the first semester of my freshman year, I engaged in casual hookups often. But by the spring of that school year, I had stopped. The best way I can describe it is that I wanted something more profound.

I got more fulfillment out of nights spent engrossed in philosophical discussions, having heart-to-hearts with friends, and working on art projects. I wanted a relationship that would fulfill me emotionally, intellectually, and physically — and purely physical relationships were fun, but starting to feel incomplete. They told me sex and love were very intertwined for women, so it was hard for us to enjoy sex without an emotional bond.

But I did enjoy emotionless hookups. People told me women got attached after sex due to hormones, so it was no wonder I wanted more. Actually, I felt quite distant. That was precisely part of what I disliked about it. As a cognitive neuroscience major, I happened to know that sex can release bonding-related hormones for people of all genders.

So here are some explanations for why I and other women, as well as many people of other genders might choose not to have casual hookups — that have nothing to do with biological gender differences. One possibility I first learned about from the book The Ethical Slut is that women are less likely to engage in casual hookups because they involve being in an intimate setting with someone they may not be able to trust.

The possibility of getting assaulted was definitely on my mind when I sought out hookups. My friends and I would text one another to make sure we were okay if we ever went home with anyone after a party. During my freshmen year, my cousin and I met a group of guys at a party. I thought one of them was really cute. We stood outside and talked for a while. Afterward, I excitedly went back to his apartment. After making out for a while, he told me to give him oral sex. I said no again.

He pushed my head downward. I told him not to push me. He said he never pushed me. He insisted once more. At that point, I felt like a royal pain in the ass. I felt it was easier to just do it than to keep arguing.

And I told myself I liked it. Afterward, as we talked to his roommate, he got behind me and made a humping motion to show off. I spent a long time believing that this encounter was consensual.

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