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Latest family articles and help. We all recognize some of these differences, but others often hide in plain sight. Shaunti Feldhahn, a nationally syndicated newspaper columnist, author and speaker wrote a fantastic book, For Women Only: In it, she recounts the surprising truths she learned about men after interviewing more than 1, of them.
In our discussion, we spoke about 10 things guys wish women knew about men. I think you'll find these 10 things fascinating! Even more, I believe that in understanding these issues, you'll be equipped to lead your marriage to a better place!
Husbands need to know that their wives respect them both privately and publicly. Men thrive when they know that their wives trust them, admire them and believe in them. Shaunti Feldhahn's research indicated that men would rather sense the loss of loving feelings from their wives than to be disrespected by them. When a husband becomes angry with his wife, he may not come out and say, "You're disrespecting me!
They may never vocalize this, but inwardly, they are secretly vulnerable. To men, affirmation from their wives is everything! If they don't receive this affirmation from their wives, they'll seek it elsewhere. When they receive regular and genuine affirmation from their wives not flattery, by the way , they become much more secure and confident in all areas of their lives.
Intellectually, it doesn't matter how much or little a man makes, or whether or not his wife makes more or less money in her career. Men simply bear the emotional burden of providing for their family. It's not a burden they've chosen to bear. Men are simply wired with this burden. As such, it is never far from their minds and can result in the feeling of being trapped. While wives cannot release their husbands from this burden, they can relieve it through a healthy dose of appreciation, encouragement and support.
Everyone's natural response to this is probably, "Duh! We primarily assume that men want more sex with their wives due to their physical wiring their "needs". But, surprisingly, Shaunti Feldhahn's research showed that the reason men want more sex is because of their strong need to be desired by their wives. Men simply need to be wanted. Regular, fulfilling sex is critical to a man's sense of feeling loved and desired. Sex means more than sex. When men feel their wives desire them sexually, it has a profound effect on the rest of their lives.
It gives them an increasing sense of confidence and well-being that carries over into every other area of his life. The flipside of this coin also carries a profoundly negative affect. When a husband feels rejected sexually, he not only feels his wife is rejecting him physically, but that she is somehow rejecting his life as a husband, provider and man. This is why making sex a priority in marriage is so incredibly important!
This means the vast majority of men respond to visual images when it comes to women. And, this doesn't just mean the guys with wandering eyes. Even the most godly husband cannot avoid noticing a woman who dresses in a way that draws attention to her body. Even if it is just a glance, these visual images are stored away in the male brain as a sort of "visual rolodex"; that will reappear without any warning.
Men can choose whether to dwell on these images and memories or dismiss them, but they can't control when these images appear. True, many men appear to be unromantic clods, but it doesn't mean that they want to be that way!
Men want to be romantic, but they just doubt their ability to pull it off. They are plagued by internal hesitations, perceiving the risk of humiliation and failure as too high. Wives can do a great deal to increase their husbands' confidence in their romantic skills through encouragement and redefining what romance looks like.
For example, a wife may balk when her husband asks her to go along to the hardware store, but it's likely that he's asking because he sees it as a time they can get away as a couple and hang out together.
What's not romantic about that? This isn't saying that all men want their wives to look like the latest supermodel. What men really want is to know that their wives are making an effort to take care of themselves and not letting themselves go because it matters to them the husbands!
Husbands appreciate the efforts their wives make to maintain their attractiveness. This was the number one response of men. Men aren't confident in their ability to express this, but they love their wives dearly. Men want to show how much they love their wives and long for them to understand this fact. Want to learn more? Check out For Women Only: Printed by permission of HomeWord. For additional information on HomeWord, visit www. Log in or create an account to post a comment.
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Sometimes you do what you like, and other times you do That is part of being in a healthy relationship. However, you also need to spend time doing things that you both enjoy doing together. Whether that's hiking, wine tasting, binge watching your favorite TV series, or even working together my wife and I actually love writing and editing blog posts and articles together , this is one of the most important, and obvious, signs that you are married to the right person.
While you enjoy spending time together, you also need to live separate lives. You have no problem if he goes to football games with his best friends. And he doesn't have an issue with you going to concerts with your friends. In a healthy relationship, you both understand, and respect, that you need time apart doing what you want to do. I found in my marriage that we didn't really start appreciating this till after the honeymoon phase. For example, my wife understands that if I'm bogged down with work, she's not going to make dinner reservations with our friends.
At the same time, if she's exhausted because she was up all night with our child who was sick, I'm not going to "surprise" her with tickets even the best tickets I've ever scored to the Warriors game.
Let's say you just got a promotion. Who's the first person that you're going to excitedly tell? I'm sure most of us would say our partner, wife, or husband. But what about bad news, like getting laid off? That's a conversation that you probably don't want to have with your spouse or partner.
If you're married to the right person, however, then that is a conversation you'll still want to have -- since they will be there to comfort you and help you figure out ways to move on from this bad situation. I know that was the case with me when one of my businesses failed.
Trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship -- whether it's trusting them when they go out with their friends or confiding in them when you're upset. In fact, John Gottman, one of the nation's foremost researchers of marriages and families, says that "trust is essential to healthy relationships and healthy communities. One study even found that physical affection was a strong predictor of love, liking, and satisfaction in marriages. Physical affection can also improve trustworthiness, reduce stress, and put most people in a better mood.
We all have quirks and bad habits that we need to work on. After all, no one is perfect. For me, a huge change was making exercise a habit.
My wife never made me feel guilty if I put off exercising, but she did encourage me by saying things like "It's such a nice day, why don't we go for a bike ride? The right spouse won't make you feel ashamed or even expect you to change overnight. They understand that change is a process, and they will support you along the way.
Between things like work and your kids, you don't always have the time to make your spouse a priority. When you're with the right person, though, that's not the case. It could be simply saying "I love you," washing the dishes after dinner, or taking them to that new restaurant they've been wanting to try out.
The point is, no matter how chaotic life can get, you put your spouse first. To some, this is not natural. As with anything in life, it becomes natural through practice. Even seemingly perfect couples fight behind closed doors. The difference between unhealthy and healthy relationships is that fights shouldn't be about who's right.
They need to be more productive. This means listening to each other, understanding and respecting each other's viewpoints, and finding common ground so that you can strengthen your marriage. There are subtle, insidious ways in which a married man who cheats on a regular basis can seduce a smart woman. In the beginning, these guys are often friendly, charming, and non-threatening. They might start out making idle conversation and some of them will openly discuss their wives and family seemingly with the pride of a happily married man.
Quite often, this kind of interaction happens in the workplace which is where it happened with me but it can also happen in other settings. Typically, most married men who are serial cheaters begin to groom their intended target by showering them with compliments, acting as a shoulder to lean on, or even going so far as to bring them gifts.
There are, however, married men who are looking to aggressively control just one woman as their mistress and will choose a single woman so they can isolate her more easily from family and friends. The character I became involved with was a serial cheater. I was single and recovering from my divorce at the time.
He was very open about it after several conversations. I would even go so far as to say he normalized his behavior as if it was what everyone did. The main kicker is when this type of man begins to confide in you about how miserable they supposedly are within their marriage. They may also complain about their sex like — or lack of — in most cases. One of the most common tactics a married man who cheats will use is to lie about their current living situation.
They may also go as far as to say divorce papers are close to being signed as in my case.
Most men are not necessarily unwilling to meet their wife's needs; they simply are unaware of what those The private chuckled and said, “See ya around, fatty!. There's not one part of me that condones cheating. Before my experience sleeping with a married man, I was the type to utterly condemn. It can be tough when your partner moves on while they're still dating you. Your significant other should want to know how you're doing. . "girlfriend" or "wife" or "husband," and communicated that much from This is totally fine, but you shouldn't be planning a future around someone who doesn't want a.