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Instead, that time alone should be thought of as a positive moment full of opportunity and valuable growth. According to the latest numbers by Statistics Canada there were 14,, single people in the country in — 53 per cent of whom were men and 47 per cent women. Why is it so tough to leave a bad relationship?
Despite popular thinking, researchers at the University of Auckland found that singletons are just as happy as those who are paired up. Global News spoke with Tebb who talks navigating the single life and makes a case as to why flying solo for a bit may be the best thing to happen to anybody.
Whether it was an amicable decision or not, the period following a breakup is an important time where both parties must cope with the loss in order to move on, says Tebb.
This often includes going through certain feelings and emotions that are completely normal. The first stage is denial that the relationship ended, followed by defensiveness — putting up a tough front in an effort to keep your feelings hidden from everyone else — and then anger towards the other person.
Lastly is reflection and acceptance. The difference was more prominent for the never married than for the previously married, researchers say, suggesting that marriage extends its reach even after it ends. The number one dating dealbreaker for men and women. You decide when to do what. This is also a great time to focus on your health, Tebb says, and that focused energy is what will help motivate you.
Independence is another plus of being single along with not having to answer to anybody else. A University of Toronto study found that people who fear being single tend to settle for less in their relationships. Because of this fear, people may choose to stay in unhappy relationships or rush into another, says lead author Sephanie Spielman.
Take time for you — time to figure out what you want and need, to focus on things other than your love life for a while like your career for example and to heal and rebuild to become your best possible self. Please read our Commenting Policy first. January 14, 8: There were 14,, single people in Canada in , according to Statistics Canada. Canada Pittsburgh attack comes amid rising anti-Semitism in North America Canada Confused about carbon taxes and rebates?
Here's what you need to know Lifestyle Almost 30 years ago, a teacher saved this B. Today, she can thank him Investigations No fines. Almost half of Canadian pot users say they use daily. Here's why regular use is risky.
Once I found love, I dedicated my life to helping single women over 40 make that dream come true for them as well.
Since I found love, and many of my clients have too, I know you can do it! Over 40 and Single? Getting Over A Failed Relationship? From dating to marriage, parenting to empty-nest, relationship challenges to relationship success, YourTango is at the center of the conversations that are closest to our over 12 million readers' hearts.
With daily contributions from our experts, we have a little something for everyone looking to create healthier lives. We're excited to offer our contributions to the Psych Central community, and invite you to visit us on YourTango. Find help or get online counseling now.
Single and sick of it? Find out what you can do to change your behavior. When she was 30 not 39 she would not have looked twice at me, that is a simple fact. Because I found a husband my age, bought my own home and had kids, I guess I never needed to look elsewhere.
Moreover the thought of raising and providing for a second family is not really that appealing after all! I am 55, am a tenured professor with a happy life, good relationship with my two kids, am a romantic and considerate person, and have been a life-long fitness enthusiast, training for a triathlon. I want a relationship with someone close to my age and have run into something I did not expect — my fault I am sure.
The single professionals in my age group whom I have dated like their empty nest, and have strong preferences for their own routine, including stuff like toothpaste caps and how the dishwasher is loaded. I think the idea that women who have their lives together professionally etc. I am by no means criticizing or complaining — just providing an observation based on an admittedly miniscule number of women. I do think personally that the idea that women in their 50 by and large truly want a man is not a self-evident truth.
Peace and happiness everyone. Thanks for sharing your story Rob. That assumes that you want to not just have a relationship, but also live with that person. Because you can be in a committed loving partnership and live apart I do. Have you considered that? Hi When we reach retirement males want Love, a companion and nurse. Females want Security, a companion with a purse. Eight years of Match. To me this article rings as hollow and contrived as all those profiles on Match.
You assume, as I once did, that women actually want a relationship with — or at least a resource in — a man. This has proven not to be true. The only time a woman wants a man is when she needs a man. I… am going to die alone. I truly wish your opinion on the subject was correct. Eight years of looking, of inviting, of holding out my hand waiting for someone to take it… I think I have to go have a little cry now…. Thanks for sharing your story George.
According to an AARP survey not too long ago, many divorced people do want love again … men and women.
I met my last partner 8 years and my current partner 1 year online. In any event, I wish you luck. I made many sacrifices in the marriage and put my dreams on hold. Men and marriage are wonderful, but my dream does not include them. I understand exactly what you are going through George. I have been going through the dating site torture for about one year since my divorce. I do not know how you have put up with that grief for that long.
It is devastating for the self-esteem and self-confidence. Recently, I had three dates in one week from online dating. They were in their early to mids. I have been told that I am good looking. They met me so my looks got me the first date. I see the toll it has taken on you: The women tell you that it is your sour attitude and bitterness that has caused you not to have formed a relationship. George, it is not likely you, it is the online dating.
Ironically, if it was you, you would have figured it out and not wasted your time for eight years. It is common for men to have your experience on online dating sites. It was mentioned here that your online profile may not read well.
That sounds insensitive and unrealistic. Over eight years, you must have changed your profile dozens of times trying to attract the women who are deserving of you. You must have taken many photos and of all types to try to show who you are and in the best vantage point. You must have done research on all of this in eight years of the futility of online dating.
Stop playing it and wasting your energy, well being and time. I know, your question is; what are the options to meet women to form relationships if not online dating? You need to get out there and meet them in real life. No easy answers on how to do this. A reasonable proportion of the women who are rejecting you on Match would likely be receptive to you if they met you in person. I have noticed this myself. I just need to get there more myself. I have quit the online dating.
The self-esteem needs to recover. Here is where it comes full circle for the women on the dating sites. These women got what they deserve. Amen — online dating is simply terrible. Tends to make you feel worse off than you really are. Even the younger generations are struggling with it. I too have tried match for years and never got a date fun or otherwise. I personally think internet dating is such a con and the only people that suggest i do it are those in relationships andnever tried it themeselves which makes me laugh.
Is that so much to ask??? I have found the only people interested in me now are married men looking for a fling or men much older looking for someone 10 years younger. Sad that we all seem to share similar views but cannot get together with someone. I read most on this website. It does not matter being single or being in marriage. Single is not the second best. It is a matter of choice or no choice in case when you cannot find one that you are looking for. What amazed me is that there is no one mention what true love is.
Love is a sacrifice. If you are not ready for sacrifice, do not go for love. I am in my mid I have a great career, with great attitude towards life. I exercise regularly, eat healthy food and am very positive. At least I know male colleagues are crazy about me. Some of them said I am so attractive. One of them said what a beauty. I know I am good. But I really do not know why they think i am so good, maybe due to my intelligence and confidence.
I am looking for satisfying relationship which is based on mutual respect, understanding and real love. Yet I found there are more players than real sincere ones. I refuse to play with anyone and will not have sex with anyone who has no sincere interest in getting to know me.
Yes, I have kid and sometime I am tired but my sex drive is still very high. Life is too good to choose bad attitude. Finding love sometimes is a matter of luck. I remember someone said, desirable is not attainable; attainable is not desirable. But I still believe there are many good women at least I am one of them who are single. There are many sincere men who are also single. They are all looking. Good luck to all of us who are pursuing happiness and peace. I never seemed to attract anyone even vaguely normal or rational so have just stopped looking.
Like you I only attract married men looking for a fling or much older men who are also looking for a fling. God knows I have had enough trouble trying to make some sort of career for myself, without the help of family completely dysfunctional or anybody else, without attracting relationship trouble on top of it.
I deal with the fact I will be alone for ever and a day with the knowledge that a lot of people are bad characters, and I am not obliged to deal with that.
He tried it on with me having wanted me for 8 years, I kid you not , but do you think I was going to go for him, knowing what a player he was — and given that he was short, fat and balding? You need to shift your expectations. The successful men your age want younger women. You need to accept your dating value and make adjustments. Hint those older men are in your league. I have never dated a woman my own chronological age let alone one my senior, and I do not see that happening in the future.
I dated women my junior when I was younger because women my age were dating older men most of my female peers from my youth married older men. I have dated women who are at least five years my junior since I was in my mid-twenties.
My one and only ex-wife is seven years my junior, and I married her in my thirties. I have almost nothing in common with women my age and older. My ex-wife and I were in our thirties when we became parents. I was in my late thirties, so my children are at least a decade younger than most of my female peers. I have always looked younger than my chronological age. I hated it when I was younger, but I love it today. I am in my mid-fifties and can easily pass for being in my mid-forties.
In fact, most people guess my age incorrectly. My oldest child will not start college until the fall. Why would I want to get involved with a woman who looks older than I do and whose children already have children of their own? We are at very different places in life. Matching is an exercise in assortative pairing i.
I enjoyed reading all the different perspectives here. I am in great health. I work too much because I have very little money- was divorced from a crazy husband 11 years ago who destroyed me financially- not that there was very much, but what little there was gone and he ran up debts behind my back that made the economics even worse. OK- have gone out with men and had some pretty serious relationships. I will be very blunt- I am not willing to deal with a lot of health and body issues of men over Sexually, it is not great most of the time- and that is not me not liking sex- just get tired of performance issues….
Also, health- long term health issues are from long term bad eating and living. Like many women, I raised my children, ran a household and worked as much then as I do now. I am educated, I am a great cook and very funny- but I am 61, do not want marriage- but would love to have a great friend. At this point, I am about to throw in the towel. I hope you are able to find a great companion to have fun with … and then go away. The wife wakes up, does not have the material things she thinks she deserves, and dumps the husband; looking for the young handsome plastic surgeon.
Her husband is a working man, not a drunk, not an abuser, but not making the money she thinks she deserves. Fast forward 10 months… the husband has adjusted to being a single father. He has no need a for a wife.
He carries 3 disposable cell phones one for each woman he is dating. You never know when you will meet a crazy. The ex-wife on the other hand, has not met the plastic surgeon, she has tried internet dating, and is bitterly disappointed… The ex does not look that bad. Her hand shakes, she makes the call and sheepishly asks if he wants to get back together? What do you think the response will be? Sounds pretty ridiculous- never heard of a woman trying to upgrade in midlife to a husband who makes more money?
Odds of that are next to null. Over 55, still get winks, staying active, work hard and want to go home to my sanctuary of quiet and calm at the end of the day.
Now there are walls. I like the freedom but do sometimes miss the companionship. I wonder about aging alone. It is very much about having given and compromised and done for others most of my adult life. Party Dude that needs to exercise his viagra prescription? Men are set in their ways at this point in life, too… women are not alone in being empty nesters. I feel very guarded now about the potential for being lied to again… ugh. In spite of the disappointing experiences and heart breaks, I remain optimistic about finding a life partner.
What a dilemma, being single over 50! I like the security of my nest… it recharges my focus, drive and zest for living life but I love being social. Thanks so much for commenting LivNLife. I can understand not wanting to experience heartache again — being lied to is devastating — and yet accepting that we may face heartache again, and we will, is the only way we can ever experience love or any deep connection with another person again.
A loved one leaves. A loved one dies. A loved one experiences a major illness or disability and is not the same person. There are no guarantees. So, yes, that means we keep putting ourselves out there in the world and living, hopefully at this point, with more gratitude than expectations. At the same time, life in our 50s and older is full of loss — with so much more to come. I wish you the best! Women have health problems, just the same as men.
I exercise 2 hours a day; running, x-country skiing, biking, and am in better health than many 35 year olds. I had a few year relationship with a woman who was approaching Sounds like a case of pure stereotypes. And I have to add, being divorced is not a badge of honor. I view divorced women warily. Has to be a reason they are divorced, especially more than once, and I doubt very much that it was all his fault.
It might not be men that are the problem; it might be you. Perhaps you would have relished being married to a husband with a computer game addiction, who refused to go out to work and was physically abusive to his wife on top of it, trying to strangle her several times.
Unbelievably, this moron still managed to get married again — to a Russian mail-order bride who spoke very little English. I assume her standards were low. Personally, I think men should marry each other. Liberal feminism has rotted most women in America today.
The deadly toxic Liberal poison can easily been seen now days in America. American women are listed as the worst. There is also article after article about how bad American are. Most American women, but not all. Now that he has run off with the secretary his ex will live in poverty after the alimony runs dry. This is why men like you have problems—you really hate women.
All feminism is about is the right to be treated like a human being—not like a sex toy, an incubator, and a servant. Women can spot a woman-hater a mile away. To not be with a woman is not necessarily a default position but it is becoming a rational decision of choice. If equality is not achieved, then why do they piss and moan about alimony, paying for their little shit factories that a man may not have even fathered and have a court system that defaults to catering women over men?
I stayed in and retired. Getting on an elevator with a female can get you fired if she files a complaint. I always take the next car or have a 3rd person as witness. As a single professional woman who worked her way thru education and never had a penny handed to her, a man with poor decision making skills who chose someone to stay home and become vested in a pension plan from him is not attractive.
I have no desire to work to support her lifestyle of leisure while I will receive nothing from it after he pays for his ex and kids that he created. Your life is what you make of it, and your choices reflect your character. Choose well in dating, it affects all areas of your life. If you have baggage, accept others with similar baggage, you are matched. If baggage free, choose another baggage free, you are also matched. American women are the pits. Most of them are entitled princesses.
Look at Latin women and eastern European women. They are much better. Haha, Eastern European women and Latin women. Chinese women are apparently murderous, Russian women are hard, and South American women are somewhere in between, and have the worst command of English of the lot.
After reading this, I am so glad to be married to a man that is a good companion but barely tolerable as a husband. Not so great out there is it?
Wonder if he feels the same way about you. At least it sounds like you appreciate some part of him. These comments range from disappointments from past experiences to fears that paralyzes us from moving forward.
I am 56, petite reasonably attractive and look younger. I had divorced 29 yrs ago. And, according to one comment in this forum this would indicate there would be something wrong with me. I have had a few long term relationships, one that we cohabitated together for 8 yrs.
Been single for the last 8 yrs after we split up. My job requires me to travel a great deal. I do enjoy a relationship and all it holds for both involved.
It is very hard to meet available men, married men are a dime a dozen who are eager to cheat. After reading many comments, it reminded me of why I had decided to end the last relationship…at this age unlike before marrying we wonder what our spouses would be as a parent…this no longer matters at this stage of life.
My determining factor was this: The flip side, if I were wheelchair bound, do I want him to take care of ME.. Open your hearts and your eyes, time is important but finding a compatible companion is worth the time that it takes. How you got where you are is not as important to the people you meet as much as what you learned from it…leave the sadness behind and move forward with optimism that can make you light up the room with confidence and not injured.
It feels really good and people will gravitate to you.. CAS I love your description of a loving relationship…so beautifully written. I believe that lowering the walls is the only way to true intimacy. Women who believe this are not only pathetic, they are going to be sorely disappointed. Now where do I find that guy? The relationship is strained because it is lopsided.
Because I can love hard, enjoy a healthy sex life in a committed relationship. So why bother looking for love at my age? I think it is worth it for me for the simple reason that I prefer a sandwich with two slices of bread: Naive as all get-go. You will reach a point in your life when it is all an exercise in futility.
Men age faster and die younger, and, once they hit 60, start suffering from a host of chronic illnesses. Most of them look horrible, many because they did physical labor for years, and this ages the body.
That is simply fact. A single woman would be crazy to take this on. Women need to understand that their worth as people is not tied up to relationships to others, especially men. Sorry but men age much better than women. Almost all the women I know over age 60 look like tired old hags.
I am 62, in great shape, and only date women at least 10 years younger. Who wants a wrinkly old prune who sits on the couch all day when you can have a younger, hotter woman who actually still likes sex? Look at Steve Bannon, 64, and Brigitte Macron, 64 whose husband is 24 years younger.
I rest my case …. Married my high school sweetheart. I feel forever fortunate to have had the experience. Never strayed or looked elsewhere I had the greatest thing at home! Left her mom a paid-for house and cash in the bank. Most had disaster stories of their prior lives wonder if I attract such…. Such was not for me.
Until then, I just live life to the best of my ability. I liked being in love…it made the days of my life better. I know there are other people out there who feel the same.
I wish us all good luck. I was married for 32 years, the last 3 years he was very sick. He passed away almost 3 years ago. I am now 58 years. While marriage was not always easy, as most human relationships are complicated, we loved each other well. The thought of going without an intimate relationship for the rest of my life makes me feel sad. But how to meet a man of my age..?.? I go to meet up groups and out with friends, I take care of myself, and enjoy life.
It is not fair, we take care of ourselves then hormones go away and we are stuck with this new look. So how to go out there and still feel attractive? This was a perfect article for how I am feeling today and I enjoyed the comments as well.
Confidence is key in dating! I do understand completely! You of course, have to be selective and prudential in Your choices. Once, years ago, a friend of mine, was presented with a proposition, which He turned down. The fella who posed the setup to Him, became annoyed, and said to My Friend: So here You are in Your Amber years. Maybe You are not formally educated and are not suited for the job market. Or maybe, considerations for the future just were never seriously taken into account!
No formal education, no marketable skills, no ambition; Who knows? What about My health care? My osteoporosis and rheumatism. The little luxuries that make life worthwhile? Even Florida gets cold these days, and there are no subway grates to sleep on. And the supermarket is not hiring baggers any longer.
Oh what to do!!! Glad I stumbled on to this forum. It makes me realize just how lucky I presently am. Just over two years ago, my husband of over 35 years left me for a younger woman. I was 61 at the time and quite blind-sided. I had no interest in meeting another man and thought that my two adult children were all I needed. Then, about 6 months ago, at the suggestion of a friend, I put my profile on a dating site, clearly stating that I was not looking for a man to complete me, but rather a companion to spend some time with.
After getting over my initial scepticism, we met and have been seeing each other regularly ever since. He is kind, intelligent, with an excellent career, caring, generous and old-fashioned in the most wonderful way. We see each other on the average once a week, mostly Saturday to Sunday. We go to movies, museums and often he cooks dinner for me at his place. We have a great emotional connection, spend hours talking, and yes, have sex.
The latter is great, probably because we deeply care for each other. After spending a great day and night together, I go home to my place, looking forward to the next time. We keep in touch during the week by texting once or twice to make plans for the upcoming weekend he is an introvert and does not do telephone conversations very well. We both have our lives he has a very demanding jog , while I work in a low pressure job , play sports two nights a week and spend time with my kids.
Neither of us desires more from our relationship. In our case, quality definitely counts more than quantity. I thank Karma every day for sending this quietly confident and wonderful man my way. I know that if our relationship should come to an end, it will be done in a respectful and loving manner.
I know it sounds too good to be true. I think the reason it works so well is the fact that neither of us is looking for more than we what we have. Neither of us wants to move in together, and are happy to just spend a day a week together. We have yet to say a cross word to each other. Is he as perfect as I make him sound? Probably not, and neither am I. Works for us and I hope it will continue for some time to come. Three years ago I found out that my husband of 24 years was having an affair with a 27 year old we were I left him and since then I have been on and off some dating sites.
Last February I started a relationship with someone I met on Match. It was great because we got along extremely well, he was fun and easy going and he was a widower that loved his wife. But there were two problems: One day last fall I told him that it felt more like a friendship. He said he loved me and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, and four days later he was on another date. He was and is a great guy but was very needy. I want someone to hang out with a couple times a week, take a long weekend trip once in awhile, or watch a movie together.
Getting married again sends a chill up my spine. At least not right now. Sounds like your standards are too high. Chemistry not there aka man is not attractive enough for you. JaneDoe nailed it for me. I was divorced at 44 for the younger woman and children were not an issue. I was raised in an environment where men and women worked, hard, together, to create the best they new how. I have been through plenty of teeth rattling experiences, on my own, for the last 20 years.
A window of opportunity is arriving when I could make a change and the one ingredient that can sway the outcome is fellowship with a like minded male. I will move forward, whatever the men do, that is my nature. It just would be so much more satisfying to share the outcome. How does anyone ever have a successful search? Please, this is an opinion based load.
You are are assuming, Eric, that the only companionship older women can have or want is with men, but many enjoy gal pals, children, grandchildren. Many older women are fine with compromising in love — to a point. Which is why many choose to live apart from their romantic partners, as I do.
It offers freedom and companionship. The problem is that most men either want it all or they want to play the field. I will never be monogamous with a woman with whom I am not cohabitating or married. Why should I settle for sex with the same woman every week when I get nothing else in the bargain? While a lot of men who have contributed to this blog entry have bellyached about not being able to find a woman, I have met over 70 women via dating sites in less than two years.
Women start to outnumber men in their fifties, and the ratio only gets worse as time goes by. I am an attractive, never married, yr-old woman, who has always been very independent. Now that I am older, wiser, and my yr-old son has left the nest, I realize my independence has been to my detriment. Fearing commitment and the loss of my independence, along with thinking there would always be more time, has now left me wondering what I have given up.
At this age it is almost impossible to meet someone, especially for an introvert. Now that I want someone to take care of who will take care of me as well, I have to face the fact it will probably never happen. I enjoy giving back rubs, kissing, cuddling, laughing at life, sex, etc.
I have always gotten along better with men than women. There are probably many 45 to yr-old men out there who would appreciate all of those things. I would hope they would find value in someone who can carry on an intellectual conversation, is witty, and can appreciate the simple things in life.
Both parties gain companionship and additional financial stability allowing for more frequent and enjoyable leisure activities, travel, dining, etc. I would like to enjoy life, with someone else in the moment, and not worry about what tomorrow might bring.
Everyone wants to know that their potential partner has no real use for them except their own self gratification, right? This is almost never the case, not in our age. If you are an intelligent, attractive, white collar professional man, you would be better off swinging a hammer all day, joining a bowling league, and having a vocabulary like a sewer and then you would find a mate. But watch out, she will be strong and independent, at least until you slap her down and she finds its all worth it anyway.
I thought strong and independent was what men wanted. Im a 53 yo never married female. Got close, was engaged at 30 but it was a rebound and I had to cut him loose, it was not the right thing to do and I have no regrets about doing the right thing.
It kept me literally alive through years of dating hell. My last rship finished a couple years ago and I wish I had better self esteem through my 20s and 30s because I may not be alone today.
I managed to pick a whole bunch of guys that were not right for me. Now with the possibility of kids waaay over, I have some regrets. I can buy my own jewellery and am slowly learning to love myself and my own company. If I meet a great guy at this stage, not even sure if I want to get married now. I get emotionally attached and it all ends badly. I look after myself, no man has ever looked after me financially since I was a kid my Dad! Not sure if I have the energy to get my heart smashed up again now.
The reasons vary, but a lot of it has to do with money first. After all this work on their part they are very guarded that some loathsome male sould will come along and want some of it. Okay, I can see that. The second reason is they fear being caretakers for another loathsome male soul who might come along and actually show her some affection. The affection may be nice but the imagined potential adult diapers are not.
This is a small, small sample. This is why I suggest that 50ish women just forsake the US or Western market alone and go for a foreign house boy with multiple skills, from fixing appliances to fixing a low libodo.
The houseboy will have affairs on the side with younger women and the something can get a nice cat for a companion and chat on NPR forums for intellectual fulfillment. But the points will be scored with the aquiring of an acceptable male. Meainwhile, I discovered something interesting. I fortunately do not look my age honestly. I have discovered that some foreign women whom I get to know first simply based on my appearance are much more likeable, less demanding and more accommodating — in every way, even when I tell them my real age.
True, some are hucksters, seeking green cards or citizenship, but a good many are not. I am not rich by any means: The first couple of years were bittersweet: He fell hard and fast; I was more gun-shy after 2 failed marriages.
I honestly think we were both afraid of being hurt. We still have great times together, but the sweet, loving, affection and passion are missing. Sure, we make love, and spend the majority of our time together.
We each have our own houses, and have the occasional sleepover, but in the past it was more like times a week too much as opposed to times a month not enough now. My kids are 30 and 27, and have been out on their own for years. He and I both earn a comfortable salary and can easily survive financially on our own.
It seems like the older men usually want younger women. I personally prefer someone my age or a little older. I think I want the best of both worlds. I enjoy companionship, but not just on dates or or vacations. At some point I want to have someone to share my life with…to wake up with every morning, not just times a month. We usually share our evening meal together and watch a little tv together during the week, but then we kiss goodnight and go to our separate houses for the night.
I married the first time at 20 while still in college. After divorce 1, I was a single mother with custody of my 2 kids…working and trying online dating. I met and dated several men online, but the creeps out-numbered the nice guys. Ironically, I met someone on a blind date not from a dating site and after almost 3 years of dating, we married. Nine and a half years later we divorced. Financial difficulties and his job losses kept me in the marriage longer than I would have liked.
I would much rather be alone than give up my freedom. Did that with Mom, grandma, a little with dad and was Mommy to my alcoholic ex. With my odd requests my dating pool is much less. Last therapist said dysfunctional attracts like because of childhood. Childhood issues,, the catchall for everything Mom and Dad are to blame. She also said before I look for another relationship I need to fix myself.
At nearly 50, good luck with that one. I have too many requirements and not enough in the dating pool. I have no desire to waste time and energy. Doing something you love fills a big void, at least for me. I worry about when I get older and can no longer drive and travel the way I do now. Looking into the dating pool, no one has a crystal ball.
It takes an open heart and open mind to accept the risk, and to want to move forward to get to know another person. There are many ways to skin a cat and please each other, and it s always better when the pressure is not on. I am for cutting men some slack as long as they are open to enjoying togetherness in different ways. Resolve to be good to each other, time is flying by and is so precious at this point.
Best of luck to all. After spending the last hour reading through all of the comments from readers here, yours is the only one that struck me as coming from a place of complete emotional health. So glad I hung in there until the end! I have read a lot about the discord between men and women in the comments above. I am surprised that there are any people in relationships at all anymore with the majority of the bitter attitudes and hurtful comments.
I am 43, and I am a single father to the last of my four children as my youngest daughter is still at home I consider myself to be average or above in looks, my physique is holding alright for a man of my age, etc. But to get to the point of relationships; I have taken on the responsibility of raising my two grandchildren who are very young and have had them for 3 years. I received them into my home as my own when they were 1. So as a point of inquiry from any of you who may be more knowledgeable than I am; how does this situation fit into finding a companion, a committed woman with this type of variable?
Ironically, single moms have hit on me as a prospect to be with until they have found out that I also have children. And the children that I have are very young. It truly is unfortunate for the children to be in this position, but I have not lost the perspective of family and commitment, like so many seem to do when mid-life comes knocking.
I just cannot seem to find like-minded women. It appears that the perspectives of freedom have been defined as being alone, rather than being free to love and to be loved. I have zero interest in dating and have not done so in the ten years since my marriage ended. I like my time alone.
I will concede the point that there are some, maybe even many, nice worthwhile single women in their mid fifties out there. Most middle aged women I encounter are entitled and self-absorbed.
Their idea of an emotionally healthy man is some twit who will constantly cater to whatever they are complaining about at the moment. I love my work and my children. However, I do see how you may have run into entitlement. I have a relative who drove me nuts with that when she was in her mids. And maybe some of it is that some women feel there should be some grand karmic payback in the form of a dashing white knight for all the years they sacrificed to their kids and ex-husband.
But that strips the humanity right out of it, because a man is not a thing to be acquired any more than a woman is. As for self-absorption, I freely admit that I am entirely too self-absorbed to think about dating. OMG, that last line makes me sound like such a strumpet. Only two SOs turned out to be jerks. The rest and my ex-hub were good people and we just wanted different things. Middle aged men can be as equally self absorbed. Maybe even more so.
What is so entitled about that? If we can get young, hot, foreign women why would we choose an old, wrinkly, selfish American woman instead?
That should tell you something about the american women that men would rather go to a foreign country. Well, you pretty much sum up what I feel as a woman in my mids — the vice versa version! It will be hard finding someone to accept having only a parallel life with mine, meeting me in the middle while we have our own homes, money, and time to ourselves. I just want a friend to spend time with a couple of times a week, and spend the rest of the time just being free.
What a horrible empty society we live in now, what IS the point? Marriage and relationships have been so utterly destroyed, families are a thing of the past or only for non-Western societies that bothered to keep their values and familial bonds.
Hopefully future generations will get rid of this progressive meaningless nightmare we live in. The only people winning are the lawyers and authoritarian systems eroding us.
Many good points all the way around on this forum. And in some instances again often for economic reasons the two spouses remain in the house. Virtually impossible for me to date anyone as you can imagine. Had lunch with old high school friend recently.
While her dating issues are less of a problem guys are less picky re: She knows me too well to date me. So how do I find women like her in similar situations married but available? Well, I had married at 19, but divorced at At first i relished my independence. The dating scene is awful!
Even when i do meet someone all they want is to be platonic. Never mind everyone around me seems to be partnered up. No ones fault really. It is what it is. In was married for 9 years about 30 years ago. My experience tells me that I made the right choice. I come and go where I want, when I want, and how I want. In the meantime, I also have 2 older children with strong backgrounds with loving wives and 6 children between them.
My responsibility is done. I found it much the same way you all did and read all the replies. My story is I got divorced almost 16 years ago after a 12 year marriage and 2 awesome sons. Since then I dated a lot, mostly on Match. It was heart breaking but knew I would have been very unhappy long story. I have contacted several women on Plenty of fish who I thought were attractive to me. But I did get several emails from women I had very little to no interest in.
It was very disturbing at first but now I have come to accept it. I chalked it up as aging. Then just today I finally hid my profile.
They are still attractive to me. I find them very interesting, and fun to spend time with and other things of course.
But I have simply lost the drive to go on dates and do the work. We have been there and done that with weddings, making babies, and buying houses together. And hey does anybody out there like their freedom? I know I do. But the thought of growing old alone can be daunting. When you least expect it, you may meet the love of your life and be forever happy.
Or you may be destined to stay single. My advice is to get involved with things you enjoy-church, golf, fishing, music, model trains-whatever. You may have a better chance of meeting that right person through mutual interests than by randomly dating.
Thanks for the tips. Well told story Joe, I am a divorced female after 19 years of marriage. I admit that the feeling of loneliness comes time to time, but is not that bad comparing to be with a wrong one. I believe in destiny, the right person will come at the right time.
My friends call me a dreamer, but I believe that someday we all will meet the right one. I rather go with my own generation, because it is fun to grow old together. The right one will come when you are not looking. I am a year-old man. Most women turn me down for dates; some just stood me up.
Well since the of today have really Changed since the Good old days when now there are so many very Greedy, Selfish, and very Money hungry women these days that will only want the Best of all and will Never settle for Less unfortunately. This certainly keeps many of us Good men Single since trying to meet a Good woman that can Accept us for who we really are really makes it very Tough for us men right now since many of us are Not Single by choice. In addition I look years younger and consider myself somewhat above average looking I still get a LOT of looks.
I also have never been married, have no children and have not been in and out of relationships my entire adult life. In fact I have extremely limitied dating experience as well as munimal experience with women in general long story.
So, the question for the single person looking for love is: what are the internal What she found, to her surprise, was a high-level relationship choice, a partner .. I also fear that if I date again I might slide back into that terrible. Fellas, if you're in your 50s, single and dating (and feeling like you're not getting The point is, hold back from dating until you're healed. (And if you're lucky enough to have found your person on the first try without to terms with being single again after a relationship — and learning to love it again that you'll probably relate to at some point in your dating life.